Greased Poker Chips

RIP: The Greased Poker Chips Universe

2005-10-11T16:17:00.000-07:00

BORN: APRIL 4th, 2005
DIED: OCTOBER 11TH, 2005

Well, it looks like we've reached the end of the line, the last stop, the final destination, one step beyond the penultimate.

With the Yankees' elimination from the postseason, Greased Poker Chips has nowhere to go.

The tabloids have no more Yankee games to get hysterical about. Their baseball coverage will go into hibernation, emerging only occasionally for rumor-mongering and the celebration and/or derision of off-season acquisitions and departures.

Al Leiter will pitch no more. Not just in 2005, but possibly ever. He leaves the game as a left-handed specialist, much like the late, lamented John Franco. He didn't qualify for the ERA title in 2005, but he stayed in the hunt for 162 innings pitched until the last month of the season. Although he didn't make it to that coveted number, he did end the season with 162 career wins, a fitting number for Al to retire with. Sadly, he will not pitch on his 40th birthday, either. He was two weeks shy of the four decade mark when he made his final appearance, earning the win in the Yankees' 3-2 victory on Sunday night.

Julio had a solid campaign, marred by a late-season slump that just so happened to coincide with his 47th birthday on August 23. He will definitely be back in 2006, marching with unbridled optimism and faith towards his 50th birthday.

We here at GPC have yet to determine the future of the site, for the offseason and for 2006. We truly thank the smattering of folks who stuck with it from beginning to end, and appreciate everyone who visited. If we return for 2006, we must reach out to more readers. The mere existence of GPC will no longer be motivation enough.

With that in mind, please let us know what you liked and didn't like about GPC in 2005.

And take a look back through the archives. It makes you realize how long a baseball season truly is, and how hard you have to work to chronicle it effectively.

We're worn out. But perhaps there is still more to come?

Back-Page Barometer Postseason Edition #5 (10/11)

2005-10-11T14:11:00.000-07:00

In which we track the Yankees' Postseason Exploits Through the All-Seeing Eye(s) of the New York Post and the New York Daily News.

GAME: Game 5 of the American League Division Series between the AL East Champion Yankees and the AL West Champion Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.

RESULT: Angels 5, Yankees 3

SUMMARY (25 Words or Less): Adam Kennedy's two-run triple was the difference in the game as the Angels beat the Yankees, 5-3, to advance to the American League Championship Series.

HEADLINE EDGE? After putting up MVP-caliber numbers during the regular season, Alex Rodriguez went a woeful 2-for-15 in the playoffs, further cementing his reputation as a player who doesn't come through in the clutch. A-Rod's last at-bat of the season was his biggest failure, as he grounded into an around-the-horn double play in the ninth inning after Derek Jeter had led off the frame with a single.

Still, baseball is a team sport, and the YANKEES lost this series, not A-ROD. For that reason, we're going to have to choose the Post as the superior back cover. Yes, A-Rod is on the back of both covers, but in the Post he is used as a symbol of the Yankees' failure, not the root cause of it. "Bronx Bum$" is a bitter jab at the entire organization, and their inability to win despite a monumentally large payroll.

"A-Dog" is a great headline in and of itself. If it had been used during the regular season, we here at GPC would have loved it. But for the News to go with such a frivolous choice the day after the collapse of the entire season seems a bit misguided.

No doubt the tabs will be full of hysterical rumor-mongering in the coming weeks and months regarding the state of the Yankees. Perhaps we here at GPC will continue to cover such developments. The future remains to be seen, however, as we are due for a bit of soul-searching regarding not just this blog but for life in general. Please check back.

The Franco-Files Post-Season Edition #3 (10/9)

2005-10-11T11:15:00.000-07:00

In which we track the exploits of Julio Franco, the oldest player in the postseason.

Game 4 of the National League Division Series Between the Braves and Astros.

Where to begin when talking about such a monster of a game, which the Braves lost, 6-5, in 18 innings? It was the longest postseason game of all time, one in which Julio entered in the bottom of the eighth inning and still managed to get five at-bats.

Well, that's where we'll begin...from where Julio first appeared. Let's break down the performance of 47-year-old Julio in what turned out to be his final game of 2005.

BOTTOM OF THE EIGHTH: Julio enters the game as a defensive replacement for Adam LaRoche, whose
third-inning grand slam was the primary reason that the Braves held a comfortable 6-1 lead. At the time Julio came into the game, the general thinking was that his stint would last one and a half innings as the Braves put the finishing touches on a win that would force a decisive Game 5.

However, Lance Berkman's grand slam with one out in the frame made things a lot less comfortable, bringing the Astros to within 6-5 heading into the ninth.

TOP OF THE NINTH: With two outs and no one on, Julio grounds out to shortstop against 27-year-old Chad Qualls, whom Julio had not faced in 2005. No big deal, right? The Braves were still only three outs away from victory.

BOTTOM OF THE NINTH: With two outs and no one on, Brad Ausmus homers to tie the game at 6-6. Eric Bruntlett then strikes out to end the inning, but the damage has been done. Julio, the Braves and the Astros are going into extra innings!

TOP OF THE 11TH: With two outs and runners on second and third, Julio has the chance to be the hero. Facing the 28-year-old Brad Lidge, whom he had singled against in Game 3, Julio grounds out to second base to end the inning and the Braves' threat.

TOP OF THE 14TH: Andruw Jones walked to start the inning, so Julio comes to the plate with one goal and one goal only: to advance Jones to second base. Facing 27-year-old Dan Wheeler, who retired him on a ground ball to second in Game 3, Julio lays a bunt down the first-base line. Wheeler thinks it may go foul, so he watches it...and watches it...and accidentally kicks it into fair territory as he waits for it to go foul. So Julio ends up with something better than a sacrifice bunt, he ends up with an infield single that put runners on first and second with no one out!

Jeff Francoeur then laid down a sacrifice bunt to put Jones and Julio at second and third, respectively. The Braves had a great shot to take the lead. However, after Ryan Langerhans was intentionally walked to load the bases, Brian McCann struck out and pinch-hitter Pete Orr (in a rare not-replacing-Julio-on-the-basepaths appearance) grounded out to end the inning.

AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

TOP OF THE 16TH: With the Astros' bullpen depleted, manager Phil Garner is forced to turn to none other than 43-year-old Roger Clemens, baseball's oldest pitcher, to finish the game in his first relief appearance since 1984.

And who better than Julio, the game's oldest player, to be the first batter to face Clemens? We here at GPC were loving this moment, especially after Julio was deprived of the chance to bat against Clemens in Game 2. Unfortunately, Clemens won the battle. After working the count full, Julio was called out on strikes on a pitch that he considered to be out of the strike zone. This made the normally mild-mannered Julio livid, as he turned around and gave home-plate umpire Gary Cederstrom a piece of his mind. Check the picture at the top of this post.

TOP OF THE 18TH: Rematch! Batting with a runner on first and one out, Julio once again goes head-to-head with Clemens, a batter-pitcher battle with 90 cumulative years of life experience. Roger wins again, as Julio pops out harmlessly to shortstop Jose Vizcaino.

BOTTOM OF THE 18TH: Batting with one out and no one on, Chris Burke (who entered the game as a pinch-runner in the bottom of the 10th) launches a homer into the seats in left fieldto send the Astros to a 7-6 win. The Braves are eliminated in the first round of the playoffs, the fourth straight season in which this has occurred.

Julio's Performance (game): 1-for-5
SERIES: 2-for-9 (.222)
CAREER POSTSEASON (1996 with Cleveland, 2001-05 with Braves): 22-for-94 (.234), 2 homers, 5 RBIs. The only time Julio has been a part of a winning postseason series was in 2001, when the Braves beat the Astros in the Division Series before losing to Arizona in the NLCS.

And there it ends. Thank you for following Julio with us this season, he'll be back next year, so will we!

Al Leiter's March to His 40th Birthday (#4)

2005-10-11T09:42:00.000-07:00

In which we track our favorite non-ERA qualifying YANKEE lefty in his quest to pitch on his 40th birthday (October 23, 2005)

APPEARANCE: October 9 against the Angels in Game 3 of the American League Division Series.

AGE ON DAY OF APPEARANCE: 39 years, 11 months, 16 days

SITUATION: With the Yankees losing 2-1 in the seventh inning, on the brink of elimination, Al enters the game in relief of starter Shawn Chacon. There is a runner on first and one out. The Yankee stadium crowd was vocal in its displeasure as Al entered the game, wishing that Torre would go with a reliever capable of posting a sub-6.00 ERA in the regular season. But Al's a lefty-specialist now, and his job was to face lefty Darin Erstad, 0-for-3 in the series thus far against him. Make it 0-for-4, as Erstad grounded into a 6-4-3 double play to end the inning. That was it for Al, as Mariano Rivera came on to pitch the eighth.

SUCCESSFUL? Yes, of course! Al got two outs on one swing, keeping the Yankees in the game, in a game they absolutely had to win. And win it they did, scoring two runs in the bottom of the seventh inning to take a 3-2 lead, a score that held up through nine.

That's right, the Yankees took the lead immediately after Al pitched, making him the game's winning pitcher! It was the first post-season win for Al since Game 1 of the 1993 World Series, when he was a 27-year-old member of the Toronto Blue Jays. That's a World Series that we here at GPC would rather not talk about.

Will this be the last win of Al's career? Will it be his last appearance? So many questions, and they all will be answered in due time. Check back.

Back-Page Barometer Postseason Edition #4 (10/9)

2005-10-11T07:47:00.000-07:00

In which we track the Yankees' Postseason Exploits Through the All-Seeing Eye(s) of the New York Post and the New York Daily News.

GAME: Game 4 of the American League Division Series between the AL East Champion Yankees and the AL West Champion Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.

RESULT: Yankees 3, Angels 2

SUMMARY (25 Words or Less): Derek Jeter's RBI groundout allows Jorge Posada to score the game's decisive run as the Yanks edge the Angels, 3-2, to keep their season alive.

HEADLINE EDGE? Obviously, we've got two very similar headlines here. Pushed to the brink of elimination, the Yanks won to keep their season alive. What else is there to say, when the alternative is permanent extinction? Some sort of clever play on words? An pop-culture allusion? Snide in-jokes? No, no and no! Being alive is the only thing that matters, and you have to come to the brink of death to fully appreciate it.

The play that kept the Yankees "alive" was Jorge Posada scoring on from third on a grounder to third base. It was a bang-bang play. He just made it in safely. Obviously, both tabs went with this defining moment on the back cover.

We're gonna go with the News as the superior back cover, simply because "Alive!" is a better headline than "Alive for 5!", which is redundant. If the Yanks are alive, of course they're gonna play game 5. When one emerges from the smoldering rubble of a horrific car crash, do they exclaim "I'm alive for tomorrow!". No, they just say "I'm Alive". The present is all that matters, and all that will ever matter.

Even after winning Game 4, the Bombers are still on the brink of elimination for Game 5. They're not out of the woods yet. Everyone is wondering how this is gonna turn out, no?

The Franco-Files Postseason Edition #2 (10/8)

2005-10-09T12:17:00.000-07:00

In which we track the exploits of Julio Franco, the oldest player in the post-season.

Game 3 of the National League Division Series Between the Braves and Astros.

Julio sat out Game 2 of the series, unfortunate because Roger Clemens, the oldest pitcher in all of baseball, started the game for the Astros. It would have been very interesting to see 90 years worth of life experience combine in a head-to-head batter-pitcher match-up.

Julio had faced the Rocket during the regular season, on April 18. He went 0-for-3 with two groundouts and a strikeout against Clemens, so perhaps that's why Bobby Cox went with Adam LaRoche at first base for the ballgame. That's irrelevant, as the Braves won the Game, 7-1. Of course, when Julio faced Clemens in April, Roger wasn't the oldest player in all of baseball. He wasn't even the oldest pitcher on the Astros. That honor, obviously, belonged to John Franco, and we here at GPC are very disappointed that our similarly monikered heroes will not get the chance to go up against one another in the postseason.

Anyway, let's get to the matter at hand. No, not the matter that is always at hand, the eternal now...ah, the hell with it.

Let's talk about Julio's performance in Game 3. Julio was called into the game in his first pinch-hitting appearance of the postseason. The situation? One out and no one on in the ninth inning, with the Braves losing, 7-3. Julio was batting for Atlanta reliever Jim Brower, facing dominating Astros closer Brad Lidge.

Julio went 1-for-3 against the 28-year-old Lidge during the regular season, with his hit coming on May 7, the same game in which he homered off of Andy Pettitte. Julio is now 2-for-4 off Lidge in 2005, as he golfed a 2-2 pitch out of the dirt into left field for a base hit. This was Julio's first hit in the postseason in four at-bats, raising his average to .250.

Pete Orr, whose role on the Braves seems to be Julio's exclusive pinch-runner, immediately replaced Julio on the basepaths. Orr did not advance past first base, however, as Rafael Furcal flied out to right and Marcus Giles struck out to end the game. Atlanta loses, 7-3.

Like the Yankees, the Braves (and, by extension, Julio) are on the brink of elimination. They are staring death in the face. Root for Julio to help extend Atlanta's season today against the Houston Astros!

GPC wants to live, dammit!

Al Leiter's March To His 40th Birthday (#3)

2005-10-09T11:26:00.000-07:00

In which we track our favorite non-ERA qualifying YANKEE lefty in his quest to pitch on his 40th birthday (October 23, 2005)

APPEARANCE: October 7 against the Angels in Game 3 of the American League Division Series.

AGE ON DAY OF APPEARANCE: 39 years, 11 months, 14 days

SITUATION: Al enters the game in a very tough situation: bases-loaded and no outs in the seventh inning, with the Yanks losing, 8-6. New York City held its collective breath as our enigmatic hero strolled to the mound, wondering if his left arm, approximately 14,600 days old, still had enough life to get out this intimidating jam.

SUCCESSFUL? Yes...then, no. Let's break it down. In the seventh, Al struck out Darin Erstad for the first out of the inning, making the Angel first baseman 0-for-3 against Al this postseason. The Angels then pulled off a well-executed squeeze play, as Jose Molina scored on Steve Finley's bunt down the first base line. That wasn't Al's fault. Adam Kennedy then flied out to left to end the inning.

Way to go, Al. That's some excellent work right there.

Pushing his luck to the limit, Joe Torre left Al out there for the eighth inning. Chone Figgins tripled to lead off the inning. After Orlando Cabrera flied out to shallow center, Al intentionally walked the dangerous Vladimir Guerrero to put runners on the corners with one out. That was it...Scott Proctor came on in relief and allowed both of Al's runners to score. The Angels won the game, 11-7.

Al's line: 1.1 innings pitched, two runs allowed on one walk and one hit. Postseason ERA: 9.00 (three runs allowed over three innings spanning three appearances).

This could be Al's last appearance ever if the Yankees lose tonight...that would be tragic. Al turns 40 in just two weeks!

Back-Page Barometer Postseason Edition #3 (10/8)

2005-10-09T10:38:00.000-07:00

In which we track the Yankees' Postseason Exploits Through the All-Seeing Eye(s) of the New York Post and the New York Daily News.

GAME: Game 3 of the American League Division Series between the AL East Champion Yankees and the AL West Champion Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.

RESULT: Angels 11, Yankees 7

SUMMARY (25 Words or Less): The Yankees scored six unanswered runs over the fifth and sixth innings to erase a five-run deficit, only to have their bullpen blow the lead.

HEADLINE EDGE? The tabs are understandably and hilariously in panic mode here, so neither headline is particularly witty or incisive. When humans are forced to confront death, we usually do so in terse, cliched terms. The gravity of the situation precludes meaningful dialogue and distorts one's perspective.

The same is true for the Post and the News here. They don't seem to know what to say, so they resort to cliche. A Randy Johnson "Big"-themed headline seemed inevitable this postseason, as it recurred throughout the regular season as reliably as a beautiful rainbow appears after a light summer's rain. Still, "Big Trouble"?, that's as boring as they come.

We're gonna go with the Post's "On the Brink". No, it's not a particularly engaging three words. But check out the picture -- A-Rod staring death in the face, maintaining a resolute stoicism even as he and his teammates face "doomsday".

We here at GPC are constantly thinking about death and the painful realities of our mortality. The tabs help us in this regard, illustrating the struggles of those who have come to the precipice of existence.

The Yankees aren't dead yet, however. Will they win their staring match with the grim reaper, and be granted a brief reprieve? Tune in tomorrow to find out!

Comment!

The Franco-Files Postseason Edition #1

2005-10-07T08:53:00.000-07:00

In which we track the exploits of Julio Franco, the oldest player in the post-season.

Game 1 of the National League Division Series Between the Braves and Astros.

Julio got the start at first base in the Braves' first game of the postseason. The Astros sent Andy Pettitte to the mound, and in their last match-up, on May 7, Julio went 2-for-3 with a HOME RUN off of Pettitte.

Unfortunately, Game 1 of the playoffs was a different story. Not only did Julio's Braves lose, 10-5, but Julio himself went an anemic 0-3 with two strikeouts and a walk.

The two strikeouts and a walk came off of the 33-year-old Pettitte, while Julio's last at-bat was against John Franco's one-time bullpen buddy Dan Wheeler.

In his first at-bat of the season against the 27-year-old Wheeler (on April 18), Julio grounded out to second. The result was no different on Wednesday, as Julio yet again grounded to second.

Julio will have a chance to redeem himself in the near future, we're sure. But, for now, his postseason average sits at .000.

Al Leiter's March to his 40th Birthday (#2)

2005-10-07T08:20:00.000-07:00

In which we track our favorite non-ERA qualifying YANKEE lefty in his quest to pitch on his 40th birthday (October 23, 2005)

APPEARANCE: October 5 against the Angels in Game 2 of the American League Division Series.

AGE ON DAY OF APPEARANCE: 39 years, 11 months, 12 days

SITUATION: Al enters the game in the bottom of the seventh with two outs and no one on base with the Angels leading, 4-2. Garret Anderson is at the plate.

RESULT: Al got Anderson to fly out to right field to end the seventh, and returned in the eighth. After inducing Vladimir Guerrero to fly out to left field, Bengie Molina hit a homer to increase the Angels lead to 5-2. Darin Erstad then popped out for the inning's second out, after which Al was yanked in favor of Scott Proctor.

SUCCESSFUL? We should say not. Although Al should be commended for retiring the dangerous Anderson and the even more dangerous Guerrero, the homer to Molina makes this a disappointing outing. Al's ERA in the postseason is now 5.40. Root for Al tonight at Yankee stadium as he attempts to pitch in the third week of the 12th month of his 39th year!

Back Page Barometer Post-Season Edition #2 (10/6)

2005-10-07T07:59:00.000-07:00

In which we track the Yankees' Postseason Exploits Through the All-Seeing Eye(s) of the New York Post and the New York Daily News.

(note: Due to a combination of unforeseen errors we are unable to display the News' back cover, so we'll just post the Post and move on. Our apologies.)

GAME: Game 2 of the American League Division Series between the AL East Champion Yankees and the AL West Champion Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.

RESULT: Angels 5, Yankees 3

SUMMARY (25 WORDS OR LESS): Orlanda Cabrera's RBI single broke a 2-2 tie in the seventh inning as the Angels took advantage of two costly errors to win Game 2.

Al Leiter's March to his 40th Birthday (#1)

2005-10-06T07:35:00.000-07:00

In which we track our favorite non-ERA qualifying YANKEE lefty in his quest to pitch on his 40th birthday (October 23, 2005).

APPEARANCE: October 4 against the Angels.

AGE ON DAY OF APPEARANCE: 39 Years, 11 months, 11 days

SITUATION: Al enters the game in the bottom of the sixth in relief of starter Mike Mussina, with Vladimir Guerrero on first and Darin Erstad batting. There are two outs. Yankees winning, 4-0.

RESULT: After working the count on Erstad to a ball and two strikes, Guerrero was thrown out stealing to end the inning. Al returned in the seventh, taking care of his unfinished business by striking out Erstad for the inning's first out. He was then yanked in favor of Tanyon Sturtze, who immediately allowed a home run to Bengie Molina.

SUCCESSFUL? Of course! Although Al only faced one batter, he "pitched" 2/3 of an inning without allowing a baserunner. His postseason ERA is 0.00. 19 days until the big 4-oh! We're off to a good start.

Back-Page Barometer Postseason Edition #1 (10/5)

2005-10-06T07:02:00.000-07:00

In which we track the Yankees' Postseason Exploits Through the All-Seeing Eye(s) of the New York Post and the New York Daily News.

GAME: Game 1 of the American League Division Series between the AL East Champion Yankees and the AL West Champion Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.

RESULT: Yankees 4, Angels 2

SUMMARY (25 Words or Less): Mike Mussina pitched 5 2/3 shutout innings and Robinson Cano smoked a bases-loaded double as the Yankees take Game 1 in Anaheim.

HEADLINE EDGE? We have to go with the News on this one. Their headline is a play, obviously, on The Mouse That Roared, a satirical novel on nuclear annihilation that was later made into a movie starring Peter Sellers. In the movie, that "mouse" that does the "roaring" is the tiny country of Grand Fenwick, which declares war on the United States and eventually creates mass hysteria by stealing the most powerful bomb in the country.

The News is attempting to shift how we view the Yankees. The Yanks are on the road, in an underdog situation. They are the tiny country of Grand Fenwick. Their leader, at least in Game 1, was Mike "Moose" Mussina, analogous to the character of Tully Bascomb in the movie.

The Yankees aren't known as the "Bombers" for nothing. But did their win in Game 1 provoke the people of Anaheim to a mass hysteria fueled by Cold War-style nuclear paranoia? Probably not. The Yanks have already been beaten by the Angels in a Division Series, in 2002. The people of Anaheim know not to get too worked up. You can only get scared of Grand Fenwick once.

Regardless, we here at GPC always like it when the tabs go high concept, so the News was a no-brainer here.

If anyone disagrees, please let us know about it!

The Franco-Files #23 (9/21-10/2)

2005-10-05T21:31:00.000-07:00

in which we track the exploits of Julio and John Franco, baseball's two oldest players. They are both named J. Franco. Don't forget that.

Another season in the books for our heroes. For John, it was his last season (barring some sort of miracle). Julio? Well, he keeps rolling...and we hope he keeps rolling all the way to his 50th birthday. According to Julio: "I want to play until I'm 50 years old. I know that my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and I want to keep my body healthy. I believe the key to that is discipline and obedience."

Julio has a relationship with God. We here at GPC are still working on that.

But, let's get back to the matter at hand. No, not the matter that is always at hand, the eternal now, the manifestation of God through the acute awareness of the everlasting present. Not that.

The matter at hand is this: how Julio ended his 2005 campaign. Let's check it out:

Since we last checked on Julio (on 9/21), he appeared in nine games, starting three of them. Over these nine games, he went 3-for-13 with a double and two walks. Not disastrous, but not very exciting, either. This 3-for-13 showing lowered Julio's average to .275.

47? Julio's lackluster end to the season was just a continuation of a disturbing fact: since Julio turned 47, he has been in an atrocious slump. Since his birthday on August 23, Julio is batting .174. He has not homered. His season average dropped 24 points. He did not become the oldest player of all-time to hit a home run. He did not pass Heinie Manush on the all-time hits list.

That is disappointing, but not very concerning. Julio will bounce right back. Baseball, like life, is full of ups and downs. Julio will recover. God is in control.

POSTSEASON! Now, we could attempt to ponderously analyze the final 2 weeks of Julio's 2005 season. We will not! Because Julio's season has not ended. He is in the playoffs, with his Atlanta Braves up against the Houston Astros in the National League Division Series.

We here at GPC are not fans of either team. No, not by a long shot. But we are very disappointed that John is not on the Astros, for if John and Julio went head-to-head in the playoffs it would be a momentous event in the world of Greased Poker Chips.

John, however, is back in Staten Island, contemplating life after baseball. We wish you well, John. Really, and truly, we do. As soon as we figure out how to get to Staten Island we'll come visit.

Well, as baseball is not resting, we can't either. Let's post some numbers regarding Julio's 2005 season, and then move on. It's always best to move on. Root for Julio in the playoffs!!!

Oldest Pitcher Faced (week): Todd Jones, Marlins, 37 (74 cumulative years in that match-up).
Oldest Pitcher Faced (year): Roger Clemens, Astros, 42.
Youngest Pitcher Faced (week): Dontrelle Willis, Marlins, 23.
Youngest Pitcher Faced (year): Zack Duke, Pirates, 22.
Total Pitchers Faced (week): 11, who were a combined 191 years younger than Julio (avg. 17.4 years younger).
Total Pitchers Faced (year): 126, who were a combined 2123 years younger than Julio (avg. 16.8 years younger).

Julio 2005: 108 games, 233 at-bats, 30 runs, 64 hits, 12 doubles, 1 triple, 9 homers, 42 RBIs, 27 walks, 57 strikeouts, 4 stolen bases, .275 average.

The Al Leiter Battle for ERA Qualification (9/26-10/2)

2005-10-03T13:07:00.000-07:00

in which we track the 39 year-old YANKEE lefty in his quest for 162 Innings Pitched.

For the final time, we check in on Al and his progress towards 162 innings pitched. Yes, we all know that he wasn't able to make it to that hallowed mark. But let's check the final totals:

Yankee Games: 162
Al's Innings Pitched: 142.1
Qualifies: No, -19.2 innings off the pace.

There you have it folks. Al ends the 2005 regular season 19.2 innings short of ERA qualification. Previous to this year, Al had tossed 162 innings or more in 11 of the past 12 season. His 142.1 innings pitched were the fewest he's thrown since the strike-shortened 1994 season. Meanwhile, Al's ERA of 6.13 is a career-worst (discounting 1987, 1991, and 1992- seasons in which he tossed a combined 27.1 innings).

None of this bodes well for Al's future as a major leaguer. Perhaps he has reached the end of the line, and will not return in 2006.

Well, okay. But we're not gonna worry about that. Let's stop all this doom and gloom. Let's switch up the tone to one of pure joy: AL LEITER IS ON THE YANKEES' POSTSEASON ROSTER!!!

That was by no means a guarantee, but apparently Yankee manager Joe Torre is a fan of Al, and the fact that he has ample big-game pitching experience (having appeared in the postseason with the Blue Jays in 1993, the Marlins in 1997, and the Mets in 1999 and 2000.

However, it looks like the ghost of John Franco will be be living within Al during the playoffs, for Al will be a left-handed relief specialist! We here at GPC are delighted to see Franco's legacy kept alive by his former teammate Al. We are whole again.

So, yeah, 2005 was not the best of seasons for Al. So what? The playoffs are what matters now. Root for Al in the postseason, and stay tuned to GPC for updates on every one of Al's appearances as he marches toward his 40th birthday on October 23.

October 23 will be Game 2 of the World Series. Think Al can make it that long? That he'll celebrate the big fore-oh in pinstripes? Stay tuned!

Back-Page Barometer (9/24-10/3)

2005-10-03T12:19:00.000-07:00

The Status of GPC

2005-09-30T08:11:00.000-07:00

Apologies for the lack of updates this week. The final week of the season has left us here at GPC a bit perplexed as to what direction we should head.

Enjoy the belated "Al Leiter Battle for ERA Qualification Update" that follows this briefing.

The final regular-season "Back-Page Barometer" has been pushed back until Monday so we may incorporate all of the regular season's headlines into our totals and analysis. This "Back-Page Barometer" will be part of a double posting that will also include the final regular season "Al Leiter Battle for ERA Qualification". "Franco-Files #23" will appear the following day (October 4) and will include the final totals from Julio's 2005 campaign.

Then...the postseason. We will update every day in the post-season in which something relevant to our universe has occurred. The Braves are in the playoffs, so this will definitely include "Franco-Files". Should the Yankees make the playoffs, we'll have "Back Page Barometer" updates after every game. And, should the Yankees make the playoffs AND Al Leiter is on the post-season roster, we'll have "Al Leiter's March to his 40th Birthday" updates every time he makes an appearance.

There. That's what's going on. Thank you for reading.

Al Leiter Battle for ERA Qualification (9/19-9/25)

2005-09-30T07:31:00.000-07:00

in which we track the 39 year-old YANKEE lefty in his quest for 162 Innings Pitched.

Last week, we here at GPC made the gut-wrenching and controversial decision to officially concede Al's quest for 162 innings pitched. Following his transfer to the bullpen, Al's ability to reach the 162 innings pitched mark was damaged beyond hope. We understand the disappointment and anger of those who were hurt by this decision. Hell, we were disappointed and angry as well...at ourselves. You see, all year we made statements in which we intimated that we would NEVER give up on Al's ability to reach ERA Qualifying Status. Yet, we did.

However, there are moments in life in which one must let go of delusional ways of thinking, in order to proceed to higher planes of mental clarity. This was one such moment. So, while our about-face was admittedly disingenuous, it did let us transcend false modes of thought so that we could proceed unencumbered towards a more fully realized vision of the TRUTH.

Al's Innings Pitched: 139.1

Yankee Games: 154

Qualifies: No, 14.2 innings off the pace.

The above was just a formality.

Last week, Al made one appearance. In relief, of course, on September 22nd. Al entered the game at the start of the seventh inning with the Yankees winning, 5-1. He cruised through a 1-2-3 seventh inning. No fuss, no muss, so far, so good. Then, the eighth inning came. Allow issued a pair of walks to start the frame (NOT GOOD), then an RBI single and an RBI double. He was summarily yanked, having not recorded an out in the frame. Tanyon Sturtze came on and allowed Al's remaining baserunners to score. Fortunately for Al's self-esteem, the Yankees still won the game, 7-6.

So, for his outing on the 22nd, Al tossed one inning, allowing four runs on two hits and two walks. His Yankee ERA skyrocketed to 5.31. Overall, it's at 6.07 on the year. Again, not good.

Last week, we suggested some new goals for Al as he closes out the 2005 campaign. Let's check in on them.

THE AL LEITER BATTLE FOR MORE STRIKEOUTS THAT WALKS: Al did strike out one batter in his last outing, but, as we already mentioned, he walked two. He now has 96 walks on the year, compared to 94 strikeouts. There is still hope on this one, however slim.

THE AL LEITER BATTLE TO ALLOW LESS THAN 100 RUNS: The four runs charged to Al on the 22nd gave him exactly 100 runs allowed on the year, so this goal is now out. 2005 marks the just the second time in his career that Al has allowed 100 runs in a season, when he yielded 107 over 213 innings pitched.

THE AL LEITER BATTLE TO PLAY PAST HIS 40TH BIRTHDAY: Al turns 40 on October 23. Stay tuned. It will be very interesting to see if Al makes the post-season roster, should the Yanks make it into the playoffs.

Back-Page Barometer (9/17-9/23)

2005-09-23T08:33:00.000-07:00

In which we gauge the popularity of New York’s major league franchises by using the ultimate indicator: appearances on the back page of The Post and The Daily News.

Visit here to see the headlines each day:
www.nydailynews.com/front/covers
www.nypost.com/frontback.html

As we head into the last week of the season the tabs have one thing on their minds: THE YANKEES! The Bombers are in the midst of a pennant race, and what a pennant race this is turning out to be. Last week, the Yanks went 6-1, good enough to re-claim first place from the Boston Red Sox. As of this writing, they have a one game lead with nine to play. It's gonna come down to the wire, folks, and its gonna be fun. Each game is more important than the last, and the tabloids -- already set to "hysterical" -- are going to keep adding fuel to the fire. Soon there won't even be back covers, just glowing orbs of white-hot emotion available for a quarter. These orbs will represent the psyche of the metropolis.

Let's look at the too-obvious totals for the week:

Total Baseball Covers: 13 (11 positive, 2 negative)
News: 6 (5 positive, 1 negative)
Post: 7 (6 positive, 1 negative)

Yankee Covers: 13 (11 positive, 2 negative)
News: 6 (5 positive, 1 negative)
Post: 7 (5 positive, 2 negative)

Met Covers: 0

The only unfortunate thing about the totals (besides the Mets' predictable irrelevance) is that a non-baseball cover crept in. On the 19th, the News chose to highlight the Jets' first win of the season. This was disappointing, but understandable. We'll cut the News some slack on that one, the slack we wouldn't cut whenever they succumbed to featuring golf or Bad Bad Larry Brown.

But, the fact of the matter is that the Post has really emerged as the go-to paper for baseball on the back-page. With that in mind, you'll notice that all the covers highlighted in this post are from the Post. They had a great week of headlines.

We here at GPC have been hard on Rupert's rag all season. While we still take issue with many aspects of the paper, we must belatedly recognize that at least they do sports covers right.

HEADLINE OF THE WEEK: We've been remiss in consistently highlighting a "headline of the week" in recent Back Page Barometer updates. Not this week. On September 19, the Yanks won on the strength of a Bubba Crosby walk-off homer. The next day, the Post went withh the so-bad-its-good "Bang Crosby". If Bubba ever gets caught smoking weed, watch out. He'll quickly become Bong Crosby.

AN ALBINO, A MOSQUITO, MY LIBIDO: The next night, Gary Sheffield's grand slam lifted the Yanks to 12-9 victory over Baltimore. The win put the Yanks within a half game of Boston for the Division and a half game of Cleveland for the Wild Card. Both tabs went with "Half and Half" the next day. But check out the Post's version: Sheffield is being congratulated by none other than Derek Jeter, he of mixed-race lineage. A coincidence? Or a subtle critique of the shifting racial make-up of these United States?

THE WEEK IN RANDY: The Yanks won both games that Big Randy Johnson started this past week, in two entirely different fashions. On the 16th, Randy was ejected from the game in the second inning for arguing balls and strikes. The Yanks responded by building up a big lead and then almost blowing it, holding on for an 11-10 win over the Blue Jays. The News went with the obligatory "Big Escape" but the Post's "Thumb Luck" easily beat that out. It's that sort of headline that illustrates the rejuvenating power of the tabloids, and of baseball. There are infinite ways to win a game, and infinite ways to respond. Each day's back page is a re-affirmation of the existence of God.

The Yanks moved into first place after Randy's next start, which came on the 21st. The 2-1 win made the Yankees the "Top of the Heap". But for how long?

Nine days left in the regular season. Hang on.

Season Totals:

(there have been 3.9 Yankee covers for every Met cover).

Baseball Covers: 310 (171 positive, 135 negative, 4 neutral)*
News: 145 (76 positive, 67 negative, 2 neutral)
Post: 152 (84 positive, 66 negative, 2 neutral)

Yankee Covers: 243 (135 positive, 108 negative)
News: 119 (64 positive, 55 negative)
Post: 124 (71 positive, 53 negative)

Met Covers: 62 (36 positive, 23 negative, 3 neutral)
News: 31 (17 positive, 12 negative, 2 neutral)
Post: 31 (19 positive, 11 negative, 1 neutral)

*(there have been four baseball covers unrelated to the 2005 Mets or Yankees, and one featuring both equally).

The Franco-Files #22 (9/14-9/20)

2005-09-21T07:10:00.000-07:00

in which we track the exploits of Julio and John Franco, baseball's two oldest players. They are both named J. Franco. Don't forget that.

Here we are again on on our own. Traveling down the only road we've ever known. That road is the path of the eternal now, on which two of our favorite ballplayers are always meandering.

Today, we finally have something to say about John, who was cut from the Astros on July 2. Actually, it's something we have to say TO John: Happy 45th birthday!!!

John turned 45 on September 17th, last Saturday. We do not know what he did that day. We guess it was a quiet celebration in Staten Island. Perhaps John and his wife Rose went out to dinner.

Regardless, it was a bittersweet occurence, as we had assumed at the start of the season that John would be celebrating his 45th on the baseball diamond. On the 17th, the Astros blanked the Brewers, 7-0. That would have been a fine present for John, a shutout victory for his team in the midst of a heated battle for the N.L. Wild Card race. But it was not to be.

Well, John, all we can say is that we hope you are doing well and that we hope to hear from you soon. Lots of things have happened on September 17 through the years (perhaps most notably the signing of the Constitution in 1787), but none were as special as that day in 1960 when you emerged from the womb, ready to battle all left-handed batters in specialized late-game scenarios.

JULIO:

Lucky we had something to say about John this week, because Julio barely played at all. Julio made two appearances, starting none of them. Both were against the Philles.

On the 15th, Julio entered the game as part of a double switch in the seventh inning, taking over for Adam LaRoche at first base. In the 8th he came to the plate, and grounded out to short to end the inning.

On the 20th, Julio entered as a pinch-hitter for LaRoche in the sixth inning, with runners on first and third and two outs. He walked to load the bases, setting up an RBI single for Chipper Jones. He batted in the seventh inning as well, and AGAIN walked to load the bases. That time, Chipper lined out to end the inning.

THAT'S IT! On the week, Julio was 0-for-1 with two walks. His average is now at .277, a 22 point dropoff since he turned 47 on August 23.

Julio hasn't hit a homer since Augugst 13. His next dinger will make him the oldest player of all-time to hit one. We shouldn't have to remind you of that, but will, and did.

2000! Julio's final plate appearance of the week was against the Phillies' Geoff Geary. Julio is 18 years Mr. Geary's senior, and that at-bat pushed Julio over the 2000 mark! The 2000 mark, you ask? The 2000 mark, we reply emphatically. The 2000 mark being the cumulative years Julio has been older than the opposing pitchers he has faced. Congratulations, Julio, and congratulations, Geoff, for attaining footnote status!

Oldest Pitcher Faced (week): Rheal Cormier, Phillies, 38 (85 cumulative years in that match-up. Julio grounded out against the "Rheal" thing on the 15th, and walked against him on the 20th).

Oldest Pitcher Faced (year): Roger Clemens, Astros, 42.

Youngest Pitcher Faced (week): Geoff Geary, Phillies, 29 (Julio walked against him en route to passing the aforementioned 2000 mark).

Youngest Pitcher Faced (year): Zack Duke, Pirates, 22.

Total Pitchers Faced (week): 2, who were acombined 26 years younger than Julio (avg. 13 years younger).

Total Pitchers Faced (year): 120, who have been a combined 2005 years younger than Julio (avg. 16.7 years younger).

The Al Leiter Battle for ERA Qualification (9/12-9/18)

2005-09-19T07:58:00.000-07:00

in which we track the 39 year-old YANKEE lefty in his quest for 162 Innings Pitched.

Yes, tracking Al Leiter's quest for 162 innings pitched is what we do each and every Monday. We've stuck by Al through thick and thin, and will continue to do so. However, we must be realistic. Al's recent transfer (not a demotion!) to the bullpen all but guaranteed he will not reach 162 innings pitched on the season. Especially since the rosters expanded in September...there are 16 pitchers on the Yankee staff! Too much competition!

Al only made one appearance last week. In fact, it was yesterday. After starter Jaret Wright was forced to leave the game as a result of being struck by a bat fragment, Al was called into the game. The situation? Third inning, one out, no one on. Yanks losing 4-2. Al pitched the next 3 2/3 innings, allowing just one run. The Yanks lost the game, 6-5, and Al did not factor into the decision.

This stint lowered Al's ERA to 5.86. He has 138.1 innings pitched on the season.

So what can Al aim for now that his hopes for ERA Qualification are very, very slim? Let's check it out:

The Al Leiter Battle for More Strikeouts Than Walks: On the season, Al has 94 walks and 93 strikeouts. The tide is turning, however. Since Al has been donning the Yankee pinstripes, he has struck out 41 while walking 34. In the bullpen, he has struck out five while walking just one. Root for Al as he battles to accumulate more strikeouts than walks!

The Al Leiter Battle to Allow Less Than 100 Runs: Al has allowed 96 on the season. The last time he allowed triple digits was in 1999, when he yielded 107 over the course of 213 innings.

The Al Leiter Battle to Play Past His 40th Birthday: Al turns 40 on October 23. For Al to play on or past his birthday, the Yanks must reach the world series, and Al must be on the postseason roster. Two tall orders there, like a pair of triple-decker sandwiches.

Look, folks. We will still will track Al's battle for 162 innings pitched. But we do no wish to have a myopic world view. Chances are slim. The above sub-plots to Al's season are only meant to increase interest in our favorite 39-year-old YANKEE lefty. Don't stop paying attention to him now!

Back Page Barometer (9/10-9/16)

2005-09-16T09:55:00.000-07:00

In which we gauge the popularity of New York’s major league franchises by using the ultimate indicator: appearances on the back page of The Post and The Daily News.

Visit here to see the headlines eachday:
www.nydailynews.com/front/covers
www.nypost.com/frontback.html

Last week we warned everyone that it was gonna be the Yanks on the back-page from here on out. The Mets have dive-dombed into last after a brief flirtation with genuine wild-card contention, while other sports simply will not compete with the intrigue of pennant-race baseball. Not in New York, anyway.

Of course, we were right, but that goes without saying. Check out the purity of these weekly totals:

Total Baseball Covers: 14 (10 positive, 4 negative)
News: 7 (5 positive, 2 negative)
Post: 7 (5 positive, 2 negative)

Yankee Covers: 14 (10 positive, 4 negative)
News: 7 (5 positive, 2 negative)
Post: 7 (5 positive, 2 negative)

Met Covers: 0

The formula is simple. If the Yanks win, both tabloids will have a positive back cover the next day. If they lose, both tabs will be negative. Last week, the Yanks went 5-1. Five victories equals 10 positive back covers. 1 loss equals two negative.

So, where did those extra two negative covers come from? Both papers used a Yankee off-day (9/13) to expresss anxiety over the up-coming Devil Ray series. Yes, the D-Rays are a last-place team, but they had given the Yanks fits over the season, winning 10 of 16 prior meetings. The News went with the headline "Bay Watch" over a Mad-style cartoon depicting Lou Pinella surfing atop a (literal) Devil Ray while Torre and Steinbrenner look on apprehensively. The Post featured a photo of Jaret Wright, who was scheduled to start that night. "Get It Wright!", they screamed.

Get it "Wright" the Yankees certainly did, sweeping the series and moving to within 1.5 games of the Red Sox in the division race and .5 of the Cleveland Indians for the wild card.

UPSWING!: Yep, the Yankees certainly are on one, as typified by the News' headline today (9/16). Last night, Cano capped off the D-Rays sweep with a game-tying grand slam in a contest the Yanks went on to win 9-5.

But be careful, Yankees. One loss could easily mean you are on a DOWNSWING! For instance, what if tonight the Yankes lose to the Blue Jays while the Red Sox and Indians win their respective games? Then, it will be time to panic, because the tabs are like a couple of coked-out teenage girls who lost their anxiety meds. They can't handle adversity.

In the Yanks' one loss this week (on September 10), Matsui was demoted from his usual status as some sort of monster into just a bumbling outfielder. His embarassing error in left field was the most shameful aspect of a 9-2 loss to the Sox. The next morning, the News went with the "Drop Kicked" headline seen at the top of this entry, while the Post proclaimed the Yanks to be "Bronx Bumblers".

BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG: Loyal GPC readers know that the tabs have been beating the Randy Johnson "Big"-themed headlines to death. Well, we'll cut 'em some slack on this one, because on September 11 against the Sox, Randy really did come up "big". There was just no other way to put it. Johnson outdueled Tim Wakefield of the Red Sox in a classic 1-0 Yankees victory. This win was truly the Yanks most important of the season. If they had lost, the margin in the A.L. East would have been a nearly insurmountable five games.

Check the News' cover the next day, at the top of this entry. They recycled their "Coming Up Big" cover, with Randy looking like the monster that Matsui apparently no longer is. The Post went with "Big Thrill".

You know what was most thrilling about Randy capturing those two covers? It came the day after the NFL's opening day, in which the Jets got trounced by the Chiefs and the Giants trounced the Cardinals.

Now, you tell us: Is there another city in this great country of ours in which baseball would trump the NFL's football on the sports pages? We certainly can't think of one. NYC is a baseball town through and through and we're very proud to live here because of it.

Season Totals:

(there have been 3.7 Yankee covers for every Met cover).

Baseball Covers: 297 (160 positive, 133 negative, 4 neutral)*
News: 145 (76 positive, 67 negative, 2 neutral)
Post: 152 (84 positive, 66 negative, 2 neutral)

Yankee Covers: 230 (124 positive, 106 negative)
News: 113 (59 positive, 54 negative)
Post: 117 (65 positive, 52 negative)

Met Covers: 62 (36 positive, 23 negative, 3 neutral)
News: 31 (17 positive, 12 negative, 2 neutral)
Post: 31 (19 positive, 11 negative, 1 neutral)

*(there have been four baseball covers unrelated to the 2005 Mets or Yankees, and one featuring both equally).

The Franco-Files # 21 (9/7-9/13)

2005-09-14T10:02:00.000-07:00

in which we track the exploits of Julio and John Franco, baseball's two oldest players. They are both named J. Franco. Don't forget that.

Hello everyone! Hopefully you are all enjoying this overcast Wednesday afternoon as much as we are. We here at GPC enjoy every Wednesday afternoon, for it usually means that another edition of the Franco-Files ia about to be sent forth to the world.

This Wednesday, overcast or not, is no different. Ready to be sent forth some great stuff? Here goes:

CORRECTION! Last week we stated that this week we would celebrate John's 45th birthday. We were mistaken. Our favorite exiled ex-Astro, Met and Red reliever turns 45 on September 17. You know what that means? Next week we will celebrate his birthday. Our apologies to those who logged in to GPC with bated breath to see what we had up our sleeves. You'll all just have to wait.

JULIO: Ah, yes, Julio. The reason we get up in the morning. How was his week? Unfortunately, not too good. Julio appeared in 5 games this week, starting three. All told, he went 2-for-14 (.143), lowering his season average to .279. Julio's on-field highlight this week came on September 11 against the Nationals. Our 47-year-old hero entered the game in a pinch-hitting appearance in the ninth inning, with the Braves down, 7-6, and singled to lead off the frame. He was immediately replaced on the basepaths by pinch-runner Pete Orr. Hey, Braves Manager Bobby Cox! You didn't need to do that. You know why? Because Chipper Jones followed with a two-run homer, giving the Braves an 8-7 lead. Orr got to take a lackadaisical stroll between first and home en route to scoring the game's tying run. That should have been Julio's lackadaisical stroll! He earned it!

NOT GLAVIN' IT: Julio's first start this week was on September 7 against the Mets. The Braves won, 4-3, in 10 innings, though Julio went 0-for-4. The first three outs he made that game were against 39 year-old Met starter (and former Braves teammate) Tom Glavine. We're not sure why Braves Manager Bobby Cox continues to start Julio against Tom Terriffic. Julio has started four times against Glavine on the season, and is 0-for-11 with a walk. That's the most at-bats Julio has had against any pitcher this year. If one takes away Julio's performance against the Met lefty, his average raises 14 points (to .293).

47 SLUMP: More distressing than Julio's performance against Glavine is his performance since turning 47 on August 23. While Julio batted .299 as a 46 year-old this season, he is hitting an anemic .156 (5-for-32) since his birthday. Of course, we here at GPC have total faith in Julio's ability to get back on track. Maybe all the publicity got to Julio. In the time since he turned 47 there have been numerous articles and features devoted to his astonishing longevity. Last week saw Julio in the pages of ESPN Magazine in addition to hosting This Week In Baseball. All that attention is well and good, but Julio needs to block it out to focus on the moment at hand, the moment that is always at hand, the eternal now, the manifestation of God through the acute awareness of the everlasting present.

MILESTONE! Even though Julio had a disappointing week, his two hits pushed him past Joe Morgan (2517) into 78th place on baseball's all-time hit list (see last week's Franco-Files). Next up? Well, it's none other than Hall-of-Famer Heinie Manush, who tore up the National League between 1923-1939, accumulating 2524 hits in his career. That's Mr. Manush at the top of this post, looking like one hell of a nice guy. Well, Julio's a hell of a nice guy as well, and before the season is out he'll be above the jovial Heinie on baseball's all-time hit list!

Oldest Pitcher Faced (week): Roberto Hernandez, Mets, 40 (87 cumulative years in that match-up. Julio's 0-for-2 against Hernandez on the year).

Oldest Pitcher Faced (year): Roger Clemens, Astros, 42.

Youngest Pitcher Faced (week): Gavin Floyd, Phillies, 22 (Julio singled and walked against him way back in April. This week, Julio went 0-for-3 against him).

Youngest Pitcher Faced (year): Zack Duke, Pirates, 22.

Total Pitchers Faced (week): 10, who were acombined 159 years younger than Julio (avg. 15.9 years younger).

Total Pitchers Faced (year): 118, who have been a combined 1979 years younger than Julio (avg. 16.8 years younger).

The Al Leiter Battle for ERA Qualification (9/5-9/11)

2005-09-12T12:14:00.000-07:00

Before we get into the usual "Al Leiter Battle for ERA Qualification" rigamarole, we must talk about the latest development in Al's dizzyingly topsy-turvy roller-coaster ride of a season.

See that picture right up there? Know what that is? That's the Yankee bullpen. That's Al's new home. Yes, it's true. With the return of Chien-Ming Wang, Jaret Wright's decision not to retire and the emergence of Aaron "Biggie" Small as the Yank's "new ace", there was just no room for Al in the rotation.

Especially considering the fact that Al's last start was "Black Friday" (see last week's update), in which he allowed six runs in a mere 2/3rds of an inning.

This is a blow, to be sure. To both Al's ego and to his already slim ERA qualification chances. Astute readers of this column will recall that Al already served a brief stint in the bullpen with the Florida Marlins earlier in the season (making just one appearance before being reinserted back into the rotation after an injury to Josh Beckett).

Whereas Al's first bullpen go-round was an insulting wake-up call, this one has been more acceptable to our hero. Al seems to be genuinely enjoying his stint with the Yankes. He's energized by it, eager to do anything that puts the team in a position to win.

If that means the bullpen, so be it.

"When I first got here, I was in a position of no-position." said Leiter. "So when I say I'm happy to be here, it's not some form of Nuke LaLoosh nonsense. It's for real, man."

This quote, in which Al plays the role of stoner-philosopher, ranks as our second favorite Leiter quote of the seaon, behind his immortal "second inning" remarks (see GPC post of June 20).

For those who do not get Al's reference, Nuke LaLoosh is the naive, somewhat dense flame-throwing rookie played by Tim Robbins is Bull Durham.

"Happy-to-be-here" Al made his first bullpen appearance with the Yanks on September 10 against the Red Sox. It lasted five innings longer than "Black Friday". Al entered the game with the bases-loaded and one out in the fourth inning, the Yanks losing 4-1. He immediately allowed a sac fly (dropped by Matsui), two singles and an RBI groundout, allowing all of his inherited runners to score in addition to two of his own (both unearned). After this rough start, he settled down and pitched a scoreless fifth,sixth,seventh and ninth innings. In the eighth, he allowed one run when Edgar Renteria's sac fly plated Tony Graffanino, who had tripled.

All told, Al pitched 5 2/3 innings, allowing three runs (1 earned) on nine hits and a walk. The Sox won the game, 9-2. But Al provided a truly valuable service, saving the short-relief arms of the likes of Tanyon Sturtze and Tom Gordon for more applicable situations. As the Yankees are in "win-or-else" mode right now, Al is playing a key role on the ballclub.

So is he currently qualifying for the ERA title? No, of course not. Let's take a look anyway:

Al's IP: 134.2
Yankee Games: 142
Qualifies: No (-7.1 innings).

Al's ERA now stands at 5.95 on the season. His record remains at 7-11 (3-7 with the Marlins, 4-4 with the Yanks).

Will he start again this season? Who knows? As Al may retire after 2005 is done, "Black Friday" could very well go down as his last career start.

That would be a disappointing footnote to Al's career. But the fact remains that after the nearly comical level of trials and tribulations Al has faced this year, he's still suiting up every day, playing meaningful games in the baseball capitol of the world.

That's not a disappointing footnote at all. That's a triumph. Root for Al, now and always.

And remember, you can't spell "Al Leiter" without "ERA"!

"Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains. Think about that." Nuke LaLoosh

Back-Page Barometer 8/20-9/9

2005-09-10T15:25:00.000-07:00

In which we gauge the popularity of New York’s major league franchises by using the ultimate indicator: appearances on the back page of The Post and The Daily News.

Visit here to see the headlines each day:
www.nydailynews.com/front/covers
www.nypost.com/frontback.html

Apologies for Back-Page Barometer's long absence, as well as for the increasingly perfunctory nature of GPC's updates. We have three weeks of headlines to go over, so in the interests of everyone involved, let's just get to the numbers. Here are the cover totals for the past three weeks:

Total Baseball Covers: 39 (27 positive, 12 negative)
News: 19 (13 positive, 6 negative)
Post: 20 (14 positive, 6 negative)

Yankee Covers: 28 (18 positive, 10 negative)
News: 14 (9 positive, 5 negative)
Post: 14 (9 positive, 5 negative)

Met Covers: 9 (9 positive, 2 negative)
News: 5 (4 positive, 1 negative)
Post: 6 (5 positive, 1 negative)

Wow, a lot can happen in three weeks. A day to God is a thousand years; you do the math. The most significant thing that occurred in tabloid-land over the past few weeks was the brief rise and predictable fall of the New York Mets.

We here at GPC have been agitating all year for increased Met back covers. After all, they've managed to stay in contention in a strong National League East. Well, in the period encompassing 8/19-8/30, the Mets went 8-3 and surged to within a 1/2 game of the Phillies for the Wild Card in the National League.

In the final win of this remarkable spurt, catcher Ramon Castro's three-run homer in the 8th inning gave the Mets a 6-4 win over the Phils. BOTH tabs responded the next day with a picture of Ramon and the headline "Blastro". Certainly not a high-water mark of professional sports journalism, but whatever. Unfortunately for the Mets and their post-season (and back-page) aspirations, they have since lost nine of their last 10 games to fall into last place, 1 game under .500 and 5 1/2 games behind ther Houston Blastros for the wild-card.

While the Mets rise in the standings corresponded with a brief rise in back-covers -- including an unprecedented three-day, six-cover run from 8/25-8/27 -- their fall has gone unnoticed, as they have not made a cover appearance in the month of Spetember. With the club's post-season chances on life-support, the Mets are officially done in regards to having any impact in the tabs for the rest of the season. It's the Yanks from here on out.

NOT THOSE BASTARDS AGAIN! Sorry, but yeah. But since the Yanks are far from a lock for the post-saeason (as of this writing they are four back of the Red Sox in the division race and a game behind Cleveland for the wild card), it is officially "panic-season" in the back pages.

Sure, the tabs love to panic, and in preparation for "panic season" they run "panic previews" throughout the year, in which the back-covers take on a needlessly hysterical tone (anyone remember The News' "The Sky is Falling!" from a few weeks back?).

But now it's the real deal. There are barely more than 20 games to play. Every one means a lot. Losing skids of more than two games can be deadly. Yes, the Yanks are on "Code Red". It's "Win Or Else" time in the Bronx. It is still determined what that "else" would be, but Lord knows it ain't gonna be pretty.

The Future of the Barometer: Timely, up-to-date analysis of the tabloid coverage of the Yanks' final push for the post-season. The Mets might sneak in here and there, and of course we'll have to deal with the occasional appearance of football and tennis, but from here on in the Yanks will be the focus.

Let's enjoy the hysteria together. Here's where we've been so far:

Season Totals: (there have been 3.5 Yankee covers for every Met cover)

Baseball Covers: 283 (150 positive, 125 negative, 4 neutral, 4 unrelated to 2005 Mets or Yankees)
News: 138 (71 positive, 65 negative, 2 neutral)
Post: 145 (79 positive, 64 negative, 2 neutral)

Yankee Covers: 216 (114 positive, 102 negative)
News: 106 (54 positive, 52 negative)
Post: 110 (60 positive, 50 negative)

Met Covers: 62 (36 positive, 23 negative, 3 neutral)
News: 31 (17 positive, 12 negative, 2 neutral)
Post: 31 (19 positive, 11 negative, 1 neutral)

*(there has been one cover which featured both teams equally).

The Franco-Files # 20 (8/17-9/6)

2005-09-07T09:52:00.000-07:00

in which we track the exploits of Julio and John Franco, baseball's two oldest players. They are both named J. Franco. Don't forget that.

The Franco-Files is back, and track exploits we shall! Regular GPC readers are painfully aware that when it comes to John, there are no exploits to track. Calls to the Staten Island division of the NYPD's missing persons unit were unsuccessful. Those cops don't like being bothered, that's for sure!

John has been missing for over two months now, since his release from the Astros. Regardless, we will celebrate his 45th birthday next week.

But for now, we're left with our mainstay, our rock amidst this sea of instability...

JULIO!

We have three weeks worth of playing time to go over here, encompassing all games played between August 17 and September 6.

WEEK #1 (8/17-23): Excellent. Julio collects four hits in nine at-bats, raising his average to .298! Julio's last at-bat of the week came on August 23, his 47th birthday. Unfortunately, Julio "celebrated" his birthday by striking out in a pinch-hitting appearance, in a game the Braves lost, 10-1.

WEEK #2 (8/24-30): Julio recieved very little playing time, going 0-for-4 in a start on the 24th, and grounding out in a pinch-hitting appearance on the 26th. Julio's 0-for-5 week lowered his average to .290, but lets go back to that pinch-hitting appearance for a moment. It was in the eighth inning of a game against the Milwaukee Brewers. Julio was called in to face reliever Dane Eveland, who was born on October 29, 1983, making him the youngest pitcher Julio has faced all season.

WEEK #3 (8/31-9/6): Julio extends his hitless streak to 11 at-bats before singling against Eric Milton of the Reds. This 11 game-hitless streak started on Julio's birthday, perhaps suggesting that Julio has had some trouble adjustiing to life as a 47-year-old. Julio collected two more hits on the week, however, and we here at GPC very much hope that Julio's 47th year is as productive as his 46th. For the week, Julio went 3-for-12 with three runs scored and two RBIs. He is batting .288 on the season (.299 as a 46-year old, .167 as a 47-year-old).

MILESTONE! Julio's three hits last week gave him 2516 for his career, catapulting him past Buddy Bell (2514) into 79th place on the all-time hit list. Next up on the list is none other than Joe Morgan, who retired with 2517. That's Joe pictured at the top of this post, posing with "entertainer to the stars" Joey Jam. Messrs. Jam and Morgan are looking pretty confident in that picture. Hey, Joe, change that smile to a look of apprehension! Julio's gunning for you!

Alright. Here are some totals to close this one on out:

Oldest Pitcher Faced (3 weeks): Chris Hammond, Padres, 39 (86 combined years in that match-up).

Oldest Pitcher Faced (year): Roger Clemens, Astros, 42.

Youngest Pitcher Faced (3 weeks): Dane Eveland, Brewers, 21 (born after Julio had already accumulated 589 Major League at-bats).

Youngest Pitcher Faced (year): Dane Eveland, Brewers, 21.

Total Pitchers Faced (3 weeks): 20, who were acombined 347 years younger than Julio (avg. 17.4 years younger).

Total Pitchers Faced (year): 116, who have been a combined 1943 years younger than Julio (avg. 16.8 years younger).

The Al Leiter Battle for ERA Qualification (8/22-9/4)

2005-09-06T12:12:00.000-07:00

#2: Al gets the win in 10-3 triumph over Royals. Allows one run on two hits and four walks over six innings. Lowers ERA to 5.75. Overall Result: Successful

These two starts put Al in his best position to qualify for the ERA title since those halcyon days of early May. His ERA, at 5.75, was the lowest it had been since May 7. Expectation were high. Unfortunately, Al's next start, on September 2 against the A's, was an unmitigated disaster. This start will forever be known as...

Black Friday (see pic at top of post): Al allows six runs on five hits, a walk and two hit batsmen...in just 2/3rds of an inning! This was Al's shortest start since 1988! It raised his ERA to 6.14, and seriously hurt his ERA qualifying chances. The less said about this nightmare of an outing, the better. The best thing to do is to sweep up the debris and move on.

To the second-inning update!

Second-Inning Update: The second inning is Al's trouble inning. However, of the 10 runs Al allowed since we last checked in on him, NONE were allowed in the second frame. For the year, Al has allowed 37 of his 92 runs in the second (40.2%).

The Future: While it may appear Al's chances to pitch 162 innings have been flummoxed, that is not the case. The Yankees play 26 more games. If Al can avoid any more Black Friday-type outings and stay in the rotation, he will start five more times. Al needs 33 innings to reach 162, meaning he would have to average approx 6 2/3 innings a start from here on out. A tall order, yes. But Al never gives up, and we will not give up on Al until his chances to pitch 162 innings become a mathematical impossibility.

You know what? Even then we won't give up. Math is no match for the indomitable spirit of our favorite 39-year-old YANKEE lefty.

Bonus! ONE YEAR AGO TODAY IN AL LEITER ERA QUALIFICATION HISTORY:

On September 6, 2004, Al's ERA of 3.05 was good for 6th in the National League. His 144 2/3 IP put him 8 2/3 innings above what was needed to qualify. Happier times, indeed. But, remember, what matters most is how well you walk through the fire.

Al's bare feet are resting atop some seriously smoldering coals about now. Support him! Don't give up, Al! And GPC readers, don't you give up on him either!

Greased Poker Chips Triple Shot! Hiatus!

2005-08-23T14:03:00.000-07:00

Enjoy three new GPC posts. It feels good to be up-to-date. To celebrate, we're taking the rest of August off. See you in September, suckers, as we enter the baseball season's home stretch. Julio will become the oldest player to hit a home run. John will (maybe) appear from his self-imposed exile. The tabloids will grow increasingly fixated on the Yankees drive for the post-season (and maybe, just maybe, the Mets as well. Don't count on it). Al Leiter will continue to battle like hell for the honor and priviledge of accumulating 162 innings pitched on the season.

It's been very interesting so far, and will only get more interesting. Keep on reading. Tell everyone you know about Greased Poker Chips. The writings accumulated here will be the basis for what will be considered the "new" bible as the world gradually converts to the baseball-themed religion of the Eternal Now throughout the remainder of the millenium.

Get on board.

The Al Leiter Battle for ERA Qualification (8/15-21)

2005-08-23T13:27:00.000-07:00

in which we track the 39 year-old YANKEE lefty in his quest for 162 Innings Pitched.

(In order to qualify for the ERA title, one must have at least as many innings pitched as his team has played games. Teams play 162 games per season, so 162 Innings Pitched is the "magic" number needed to insure ERA qualification for the season. Why is this important? We don't have an answer for that. It just is.)

Almost caught up now. It's gonna feel good to be up-to-date, even if its just for a brief sliver of time.

Does Al qualify for the ERA title? Is he on pace for 162 innings pitched? Let's see:

Innings Pitched: 115.1
Yankee Games: 122
Qualifies: No? (-6.2 innings)

For the 13th week in a row, Al does not qualify. Last week, he started one game, on August 17th against the Devil Rays. Al lasted 5 1/3 innings, allowing three runs on two hits and four walks. He left the game in line for the win, but the bullpen blew the game. So, Al got a no-decision, his first as a Yankee. For the season, his record remains at 6-10 (3-3 as a Yankee)

Second-Inning Update: The second inning is Al's trouble inning. Surprise, surprise, of the three runs Al allowed on the 17th, two were in the second inning. 10 of the 21 runs Al has allowed as A Yankee have come in the second inning (48%), and 37 of 82 overall (45%).

Al starts TONIGHT (the 23rd) against the Toronto Blue Jays. Wish him well, as there is NO margin for error. Sean Chacon and Aaron Small have pitched well for the Yanks. Jared Wright has returned to the rotation. Things are getting crowded, and if Al does not perform he could very well be tossed back on the scrap heap.

This can not happen! You can not pitch 162 innings when you are on a scrap heap!

Remember...you can't spell Al Leiter without ERA!

Back-Page Barometer (8/13-8/19)

2005-08-23T12:50:00.000-07:00

The Franco-Files #19 (8/10-8/16)

2005-08-23T12:05:00.000-07:00

in which we track the exploits of Julio and John Franco, baseball's two oldest players. They are both named J. Franco. Don't forget that.

Goddarn it! We've fallen behind again. It's August 23rd, and here we are writing something that should have been done on August 17th. But such is life. As long as everything gets done eventually, things will be okay. Really, they will. Just take a deep breath and relax. Why is everything so difficult?

Anyways, August 23rd is no ordinary day. Not at all. Really, our depressed lamentations should be saved for another time. Today is a day for celebration, for unbridled joy. Today is...get ready...this is gonna be good...

Today is...

JULIO FRANCO'S 47TH BIRTHDAY!

Happy birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you!
Happy birthday dear Julio.
Happy Birthday to you!

Julio, we already know what your wish is...to play until age 50. Let us here at Greased Poker Chips express a wish that we have: that you continue to get the most out of life no matter what you do, serving as an incredible role model in a world that is severely lacking in credible role models.

Oh, man, excuse us while we wipe a tear from the corner of our eye.

Now lets get down to the nuts and bolts of this column:

Over the week of 8/10-8/16, Julio saw limited playing time. He appeared in four games, starting one. All told, he went 2-for-6. It was a mighty 2-for-6, though, as it included a home run, a double, a sac fly, and four RBIs.

The home run came on August 13th against Arizona, a three-run shot against former teammate Russ Ortiz that helped propel the Braves to a 9-5 win. This home run was notable only in that it was the last Julio hit as a 46-year-old. Julio's next home run will make him the oldest player of all-time to go yard.

We'll have some info on that when (not if) it happens, don't worry. Another milestone that will occur in the very near future is Julio's passing of Buddy Bell into 79th place on the all-time hits list.

Milestones, milestones, milestones. They are all well and good, but I'm sure Julio would be the first to remind us that all this attention to mundane trivia distracts from the moment at hand, the moment that is always at hand, the eternal now, the manifestation of God through the acute awareness of the everlasting present.

After Julio's 2-for-6 week, he is batting .291 on the season, raising his average for the fourth straight update.

Oldest Pitcher Faced (week): Russ Ortiz, Diamondbacks, 31.
Oldest Pitcher Faced (year): Roger Clemens, Astros, 42.
Youngest Pitcher Faced (week): Lance Cormier, 24.
Youngest Pitcher Faced (year): Zack Duke, Pirates, 22.
Total Pitchers Faced (week): 4, who were acombined 78 years younger than Julio (avg. 19.5 years younger).
Total Pitchers Faced (year): 101, who have been a combined 1672 years younger than Julio (avg. 16.6 years younger).

Hey! Don't think we've forgotten about John. At least one GPC reader has expressed displeasure at our inabilty to determine his whereabouts. But, you gotta understand, John lives in Staten Island. You have to take a ferry to get there or something. John actually made the news over the past week, when San Diego closer Trevor Hoffman recorded his 424th save to move into a tie with John for second place on the all-time saves list. We were hoping that John's footnote status in many articles regarding Hoffman's accomplishment would inspire someone to track him down. You know, someone who understands how to ride the ferries. It didn't happen, so let us here at GPC issue forth a long, anguished yell in the hopes that John will hear it:

John Franco!!!!!!!! Where are you!!!!!!!!! We miss you!!!!!!!!!!!Happy Bithday, Julio!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Al Leiter Battle for ERA Qualification (8/8-8/14)

2005-08-15T11:31:00.000-07:00

in which we track the 39 year-old YANKEE lefty in his quest for 162 Innings Pitched.

(In order to qualify for the ERA title, one must have at least as many innings pitched as his team has played games. Teams play 162 games per season, so 162 Innings Pitched is the "magic" number needed to insure ERA qualification for the season. Why is this important? We don't have an answer for that. It just is.)

Does Al qualify for the ERA title? Is he on pace for 162 innings pitched? Let's see:

Innings Pitched: 110
Yankee Games: 116
Qualifies: No? (-6 innings)

For the 12th straight week, Al does not qualify for the ERA title. He's six innings off of the pace. He started once this past week, on August 12th against Texas. Whoa! What a start. Five innings. Five runs (three earned). Seven hits. Three walks. 124 pitches. Seven sentence fragments.

The amazing thing is, Al got the win. He left the game after five innings with the Yanks beating the Rangers, 6-5, and that is how it ended. Al is now 6-10 on the year, 3-3 as a Yankee. We can't exactly say he pitched well during this start, but major credit is due to Al for his dogged tenacity, his refusal to give in, his quest to always make the perfect pitch, even if it means throwing 124over five innings. Al's ERA is now 6.14 on the season, the lowest it has been since it was at 5.66 on May 7th.

What a perfect headline the next day in the Post. "Whew!". This doesn't apply to just Al's last start. No, it applies to his entire 2005 campaign. We here at GPC didn'tpick Al Leiter as one of our featured players out of the blue. Oh, no. We knew that it would be a major battle for him to hurl 162 innings. But the trials and tribulations of 2005 have caught even us off-guard. The fact that Al has even an outside chance to pitch 162 innings at this point constitutes a major triumph in and of itself.

You know what it comes down to? Never giving up. Al Leiter NEVER gives up and for that, we salute him.

Back-Page Barometer (8/6-8/12)

2005-08-15T09:10:00.000-07:00

In which we gauge the popularity of New York’s major league franchises by using the ultimate indicator: appearances on the back page of The Post and The Daily News.

Visit here to see the headlines each day:
www.nydailynews.com/front/covers
www.nypost.com/frontback.html

Hello everyone! How are you all doing? How's the family? Sorry this edition of "Back Page Barometer" is late. We got caught up checking out cool blogs on topics as diverse as credit reports, pediatric acupuncture, programy, employment, and Vietnam. Great stuff, guys! See the "comments" section of the last post on this site to check out these great blogs for yourself. The internet is amazing in the way it facilitates relationships between seemingly disparate individuals.

Anyways, it was an entertaining week in back-page land. Things were scattered, there was no dominant motif. Let's check the numbers:

Weekly Totals ("positive" and "negative" refers to the slant of the headline):

Total Baseball Covers: 13 (7 positive, 6 negative)
News: 7 (3 positive, 4 negative)
Post: 6 (4 positive, 2 negative)

Yankee Covers: 9 (5 positive, 4 negative)
News: 6 (3 positive, 3 negative)
Post: 3 (2 positive, 1 negative)

Met Covers: 4 (2 positive, 2 negative)
News: 1 (negative)
Post: 3 (2 positive, 1 negative)

Alright. There are four pictures at the top of this post. Let's deal with them in reverse order:

Big Redundancy: On August 6, Randy Johnson allowed six runs -- five earned -- on 10 hits over four innings as the Yanks fell to the Blue Jays, 8-5. The News went with "Big Ugly", the ninth "Big"-themed Randy Johnson cover of the season. We here at GPC are still anxiously awaiting the inevitable "Big Johnson" headline. It just has to happen. Hey, New York Post, we're lookin' in your direction on that one.

Really Big Ugly: By now, everyone who follows baseball at any level is aware of the horrific outfield collision that took place between Carlos Beltran and Mike Cameron on August 11th. It was a given that both tabs would feature this tragedy on their back covers. But did the Post really have to go with the most grotesque image they could find? Their picture featured Beltran and Cameron right after the collision, looking for all the world like a couple of corpses. Of course, this sort of blood-and-guts mentality is displayed time and time again on the Post's front page, where child choking victims compete for time with high-speed car accidents, so it comes as no surprise that the Post showed no regard for subtlety when choosing which photo to run.

Hey, guys, just be fair about it. When Rupert finally dies, we want to see a picture of his bloated corpse in full color on the front page.

Headline of the Week: Yes, let's switch from head injury to headlines. On August 7th, the Mets beat the Cubs, 6-1, on the strength of a dominant outing by Victor Zambrano. The next day, the Post went with "Shea-Zam", one of our favorite headlines of the year. In just seven letters, the Post manages to reference where the game took place (Shea), and who was the game's star ("Zam"brano). That's just a brilliant piece of headline writing right there. Kudos. We've been reduced to empty platitudes.

Foreshadowing: On August 9th, the Yanks got beat by the White Sox by a score of 2-1, dropping them to 4.5 games behind the Red Sox in the AL East and 3.5 back in the wild card race. The big story of the game, however, was not what happened on the field. No, it concerned the knuckle-head antics of an 18-year-old fan who dove from the upper deck onto the netting above home plate.

The News decided that this hare-brained stunt was symbolic of the Yankee's woes. Check out the headline! "The Sky is Falling!". As if this dumb-ass fan was some sort of harbinger of doom for the Yankee organization. Okay, guys, deep breath. Yes, it's true that the underachieving Yanks are not happy with their second-place status. It's also true that the season is entering the stretch run, and that the stakes are higher.

Still. The sky is not falling. There are stil 40-some games to go. Just relax.

However, on the flip side of the equation, if the Yankees go through another horrendous stretch like they did several times in the early part of the season, the tabs will panic, and that panic will be justifiable. The Yanks not making it to the post-season is a tragedy too awful to even comprehend. It makes Beltran and Cameron's collision seem like harmless love taps to the dome.

Season Totals: (there have been 3.7 Yankee covers for every Met cover).

Baseball Covers: 233 (120 positive, 109 negative, 4 neutral)*
News: 115 (58 positive, 55 negative, 2 neutral)
Post: 118 (62 positive, 54 negative, 2 neutral)

Yankee Covers: 179 (93 positive, 86 negative)
News: 89 (45 positive, 44 negative)
Post: 90 (48 positive, 42 negative)

Met Covers: 49 (27 positive, 19 negative, 3 neutral)
News: 25 (13 positive, 10 negative, 2 neutral)
Post: 24 (14 positive, 9 negative, 1 neutral)

*(there have been four baseball covers unrelated to the 2005 Mets or Yankees, and one featuring both equally).

The Franco-Files #18 (8/3-8/9)

2005-08-10T11:56:00.000-07:00

in which we track the exploits of Julio and John Franco, baseball's two oldest players. They are both named J. Franco. Don't forget that.

Here we are again, checkin' in on the Francos for the 18th straight Wednesday. And you know what? There's not too much to report. John was released from the Astros five weeks ago, and still no word on him or his whereabouts. Julio? Well he keeps chuggin' along, and of course we'll get to him in a moment.

But it's the summertime. (see picture). The pace of life is supposed to slow down. In that spirit we're gonna make this a brief update, because, really, there isn't too much to say.

Soon, Julio will turn 47. He is closing in on the much-coveted "oldest player to hit a home-run" record. There will be much to talk about. But not quite yet.

QUESTION: What happened last week?

ANSWER: Last week, Julio played in three games, starting two. He went 3-for-9 with two RBIs and a run scored. Those two RBIs and a run scored were the result of Julio's eighth home run of the year! Eight round-trippers is the most Julio has had in a season since he hit 14 with the Cleveland Indians in 1996. He now has 33 RBIs, a respectable amount, but he it's unlikely that he'll be able to top the 57 he accumulated last year.

Julio's homer drove in Jeff Francoeur, who readers will remember from Franco-Files #16. So, J. Franco drove in J. Francoeur! You gotta love it. I mean, really, you do. If you don't, then stop reading this right now, walk into your bedroom, pull out the pistol you keep under the mattress, and blow your brains out. Then, when you are putting your brains back into your head, make sure you leave out the part that makes you not enjoy J.Franco-related baseball accomplishments. Thank you.

For the season, Julio is batting a robust .287. Here are some numbers (the double-spacing is maddening):

Oldest Pitcher Faced (week): David Weathers, Reds, 35 (81 cumulative years in that match-up).

Oldest Pitcher Faced (year): Roger Clemens, Astros, 42.

Youngest Pitcher Faced (week): Brandon Claussen, Reds, 26 (Julio homered of him).

Youngest Pitcher Faced (year): Zack Duke, Pirates, 22.

Total Pitchers Faced (week): 5, who were acombined 80 years younger than Julio (avg. 16 years younger).

Total Pitchers Faced (year): 97, who have been a combined 1594 years younger than Julio (avg. 16.4 years younger).

The Al Leiter Battle For ERA Qualification (8/1-8/7)

2005-08-08T10:03:00.000-07:00

in which we track the 39 year-old YANKEE lefty in his quest for 162 Innings Pitched.

(In order to qualify for the ERA title, one must have at least as many innings pitched as his team has played games. Teams play 162 games per season, so 162 Innings Pitched is the "magic" number needed to insure ERA qualification for the season. Why is this important? We don't have an answer for that. It just is.)

Does Al qualify for the ERA title? Is he on pace for 162 innings pitched? Let's see:

Innings Pitched: 105
Yankee Games: 109
Qualifies: No? (-4 innings)

For the 11th straight week, Al does NOT qualify for the ERA title. This despite the fact that he started twice since we last checked in on him.

Start #1, August 2nd vs. Cleveland: Awful! Or, should we say "Al-ful". Al only lasted two innings, his shortest outing of the year. Over these two frames, Al allowed five runs on four hits and five walks. He was the losing pitcher, as the Yankees' comeback fell short. Final score 6-5. Where Al was really hurt in this start was the third inning. He walked the bases-loaded, then allowed a bases-clearing double to Ronnie Belliard. Then, he was yanked without recording an out in the frame.

Start #2, August 7th vs. Toronto: Awesome! Or, should we say "Al-some". Al faces the Blue Jays for the first-time, after being a member of the Toronto squadron from 1989-1995. Al needs to face the Jays more often, as he hurled 5 2/3 scoreless innings! This is just what Al needed, coming as it did on the heels of his miserable start against the Tribe. Al worked out of minor jams throughout this outing, always getting the outs when he nedded them. In the 6th, Al loaded the bases on two walks and a single. Alan Embree came on in relief, and got Orlando Hudson to pop-out, thus preserving Al's shutout. Al got the victory, his first since his Yankee debut on July 17th.

Second Inning Update: The second-inning is Al's trouble inning. On the 2nd, he allowed one run in this frame. On the 7th, he pitched a 1-2-3 second inning! For the season, Al has allowed 32 of his 74 runs in the second inning ( 43%).

For the Year: Al is 5-10 with a 6.17 ERA (lowest since 5/19).
Marlins: 3-7 with a 6.64 ERA.
Yankees: 2-3 with a 4.68 ERA.

And, please remember, YOU CAN'T SPELL AL LEITER WITHOUT ERA!!!

Back Page Barometer (7/30-8/5)

2005-08-06T11:28:00.000-07:00

In which we gauge the popularity of New York’s major league franchises by using the ultimate indicator: appearances on the back page of The Post and The Daily News.

Visit here to see the headlines each day:
www.nydailynews.com/front/covers
www.nypost.com/frontback.html

We have some very good news to report regarding last week's back covers: none of them featured Larry Brown!

After a two-week stretch in which the bespectacled hoops coach graced 13 out of a possible 28 covers, Brown has gone into hibernation. He dozes contentedly in a cave in the deep woods, living off his copious body fat.

Sleep well, Mr. Brown. Sleep well. Shhhhh! Don't wake him! We here at Greased Poker Chips have more important matters to attend to than Knickerbocker coaching drama. Important matters like baseball! Let's check last week's totals:

Weekly Totals ("positive" and "negative" refers to the slant of the headline):

Total Baseball Covers: 14 (7 positive, 4 negative, 3 neutral)
News: 7 (3 positive, 2 negative, 2 neutral)
Post: 7 (4 positive, 2 negative, 1 neutral)

Yankee Covers: 6 (5 positive, 1 negative)
News: 3 (2 positive, 1 negative)
Post: 3 (3 positive)

Met Covers: 5 (2 positive, 3 neutral)
News: 3 (1 positive, 2 neutral)
Post: 2 (1 positive, 1 neutral)

Baseball Covers Unrelated to Mets or Yankees: 3 (negative)
News: 1
Post: 2

Whew! Those are some unwieldy weekly totals. Let's break it down.

Manny Rumor-ez: The story that finally pushed Larry Brown off of the back pages was speculation regarding a Mets-Red Sox trading deadline deal that would have sent enigmatic superstar Manny Ramirez to Shea. Of course, it didn't happen. Both tabs speculated on the deal on the 30th (News: "Rejected", referring to the fact that the deal wasn't going to go through. Post: "Red Hot?"). The News went with the story on the 31st as well, with the "No Man's Land" headline depicted at the top of this post.

Walk-Off Walk: The Mets won a wild game on August 2nd, beating the Brewers 9-8 in 11 innings. Mike Cameron hit a home run in the ninth to send the game into extra-innings before pinch-hitter Mike Piazza "drove" in the game's winning run with a bases-loaded walk two frames later. By golly, the Mets actually looked pretty cool the next day on the back pages. The News went with the headline "Walk-Off", while the Post went with the slick-looking "Iron Mikes" pictured at the top of this post. One question, though. What the hell is in Mike Cameron's hand? A rosin bag? A clump of pizza dough? A brick of heroin?

Or maybe it's just that he's clenching his fist.

Steroid-ael Steroid-meiro: As if the tab's back-page coverage hadn't been disjointed enough... Rafael Palmeiro's suspension for testing positive for steroids netted three back covers this week. This is just the second time that a baseball story unrelated to the 2005 Mets or Yankees made it to the back page, the other being the Post's Lenny Dykstra steroid speculation on April 25th.

Everyone's making a big deal about steroids. What about the fact that Mike Cameron rounded the bases while holding a brick of heroin in his right hand? No one seems to care about that.

What? You can smell the flop sweat? Okay, we'll move on.

The Yankees: Yeah, they were on the cover six times last week. More than the Mets, more than Palmeiro. But six covers is still way below average for them. We'll get back into talking about the Bombers once we are forced to, when they return to their usual 11-14 covers-a-week dominance.

For now? Our work here is done.

Season Totals (there have been 3.8 Yankee Covers for every Mets Cover):

Baseball Covers: 220 (115 positive, 102 negative, 4 neutral)*
News: 108 (55 positive, 51 negative, 2 neutral)
Post: 112 (58 positive, 52 negative, 2 neutral)

Yankee Covers: 169 (88 positive, 81 negative)
News: 83 (42 positive, 41 negative)
Post: 87 (46 positive, 41 negative)

Met Covers: 39 (25 positive, 17 negative, 3 neutral)
News: 24 (13 positive, 9 negative, 2 neutral)
Post: 21 (12 positive, 8 negative, 1 neutral)

*(there have been 3 baseball covers unrelated to the Mets or Yankees, and one featuring both equally).

The Franco-Files #17 (7/27-8/2)

2005-08-03T13:33:00.000-07:00

in which we track the exploits of Julio and John Franco, baseball's two oldest players. They are both named J. Franco. Don't forget that.

John Franco is M.I.A. How he made the transition from aging lefty reliever to Sri Lankan hipster heroine is beyond us.

And while it's true that Julio is a regular on the Williamsburg scene during the offseason, he is currently immersed in matters far more urgent than at what angle to hold his can of Pabst so as to achieve the perfect level of irony.

Julio is in the midst of making baseball history!

2500!!! Julio joined the 2500-hit club on July 30th against the Pirates. He led off the second inning with a single against Pirates starter Mark Redman, and history was made. That hit was the first of five on the week for Julio. His 2504 hits moved him past Jimmy Ryan (active 1885-1903) and into 80th place all-time. And who is Julio gunning for next? None other than Buddy Bell, pictured in all his 1970s Cleveland Indian glory at the top of this post. Bell has 2514 hits for his career. Enjoy being 79th on the career hit list while it lasts, Mr. Bell. Julio is coming after you with a vengeance!

Now, as for active players, Julio is 4th place on the career hits leaderboard, after Rafael Palmeiro (3018), Craig Biggio (2745), and Barry Bonds (2730). Unfortunately, Julio won't be catching any of those guys anytime soon. In 5th place is Steve Finley, at 2405. Sure, Finley gets more playing time than Julio, and therefore collects hits at a more prodigious clip. But with a 99-hit deficit, it will be a while before he can surpass Julio. If ever...Julio plans to play until age 50. Don't bet against him.

If Julio had played in the major leagues in 1995 (when he was in Asia after the MLB strike) or 1998-2001 (when he was mostly in Latin America), he'd have over 3000 hits at this point, and therefore be a viable Hall-of-Fame candidate.

It's unfortunate that he missed five major league seasons, but in the Greased Poker Chip Hall of Fame, you can be sure that Julio is a first-ballot inductee. You know who else would be first-ballot inductees? John Franco and Al Leiter.

Anyway, last week Julio went 5-for-13 with a double, run, RBI, and two walks. He is batting .285 on the season, his highest average at the end of one of our updates since those topsy-turvy days of April, when he didn't have enough at-bats for it to really mean anything.

Here's a recap of Julio's week. On August 1st against the Pirates, he faced the youngest pitcher he's gone against all year, 22 year-old Zack Duke. Julio went 1-for-3 off Young Master Duke.

Oldest Pitcher Faced (week): Jose Mesa, Pirates, 39 (85 cumulative years in that match-up).
Oldest Pitcher Faced (year): Roger Clemens, Astros, 42.
Youngest Pitcher Faced (week): Zach Duke, Pirates, 22 (born at the start of the 1983 season, during which Julio played 149 games and hit .273 for the Cleveland Indians).
Youngest Pitcher Faced (year): Zack Duke, Pirates, 22.
Total Pitchers Faced (week): 9, who were acombined 136 years younger than Julio (avg. 15.1 years younger).
Total Pitchers Faced (year): 95, who have been a combined 1568 years younger than Julio (avg. 16.5 years younger).

************************In Memoriam************************************************************

This edition of the Franco Files dedicated to Ray Cunningham, who had the distinction of being the oldest living former Major Leaguer until he passed away on July 30th at the age of 100.

*************************************************************************************************

The Al Leiter Battle for ERA Qualification (7/25-7/31)

2005-08-01T09:38:00.000-07:00

in which we track the 39 year-old YANKEE lefty in his quest for 162 Innings Pitched.

So much has happened to Al over the last few weeks, our "Al Leiter ERA Qualification" updates have gotten quite unwieldy.

This week, let's keep it basic. For those new to this exercise, each and every week we check in with Al to see if he is on pace for 162 innings pitched, and, therefore, qualifies for the ERA title.

Innings Pitched: 97.1
Yankee Games: 103
Qualifies: No? (-5.2 innings)

Week #10 in a row in which Al does not qualify for the Major League ERA title. But there is hope. Al is scheduled to start TWICE before our next update. If both of these starts go well, he may very well qualify. That would be a very dramatic occurrence.

But, more importantly, how was Al's week that was?

In Al's one start this past week (7/27 vs. the Twins), he pitched a mere five innings. He yielded seven hits and five walks, throwing 115 pitches (just 62 for strikes). He took the loss in a 7-3 Twins victory.

Now, looking at those numbers, one would assume that Al took a beating in this start, right?

Wrong!

Al allowed just one run! He loaded the bases in both the first and second innings, but got out of it. In the third, he allowed a run, but a second runner was thrown out at home to end the inning. The fourth and fifth were easy, as Al only put runners on first and second.

Wow. A start like that is a thing of beauty, a wily veteran battling his heart out, using his guile and moxie to outsmart opposing batsmen. Al left the game with the Yanks losing 1-0, and he took the loss because the Yankee bullpen allowed six runs over the final four frames. Those guys are losers.

Sure, we'd like to see Al go deeper into starts. But one run over five innings will work every time. The Yankees are gonna keep sticking with Al until his luck runs out. Which will hopefully be never.

Al's ERA: 6.20
N.L.: 6.64 over 80 Innings Pitched
A.L.: 4.15 over 17.1 Innings Pitched

Second Inning Update: As we mentioned before, Al loaded the bases in the second inning, but was able to work out of it. For the year, he has allowed 31 of his 69 runs in the second inning (45%). With the Yanks, he has allowed four runs (out of 8) in the second inning (50%).

We here at Greased Poker Chips are certainly not Yankee fans, but when Al dons the pinstripes we are temporarily transformed into seething Bomber loyalists. Root for him on Tuesday when he goes against the Indians, who are hopefully not seeking revenge for that whole "genocide" thing. Al cannot be expected to atone for the sins of his forefathers.

And remember....

You can't spell Al Leiter without ERA!

Back Page Barometer (7/23-7/29)

2005-07-29T09:40:00.000-07:00

Now that Larry is officially the Knick's coach, hopefully the tabs will move back to baseball.

For shame, NYC tabloids, for shame. You have made us feel very disdainful.

No season totals will be posted this week.

The Franco-Files #16 (7/20-7/26)

2005-07-27T12:06:00.000-07:00

in which we track the exploits of Julio and John Franco, baseball's two oldest players. They are both named J. Franco. Don't forget that.

Another week, and still no definitive news from John. At this point, we have to assume that his season- and career- are over. John, prove us wrong! Show us that our assumption is nothing more than an island in the Seychelles. To show we are thinking of you, we post this bit of information: In 2005, John allowed 8 of 25 inherited runners to score (32%).

Julio has been hit pretty hard by the disappearance of his similarly monikered fellow oldster. There is now a void in his life that cannot be filled. Or can it? It appears that a guardian angel has arrived in the form of 21 year-old Braves rookie Jeff Francoeur (that is his picture above Julio's at the top of this post).

John Franco was released on July 2nd. On the 7th, Francoeur made his debut, apparently for the sole purpose of providing baseball with another J. Franco (ignore that "eur" at the end of his name. That's French for "irrelevant").

Julio and Jeff were virtually inseparable on the ballfield this past week. Check it out:

7/20: After hitting an RBI double, Julio was knocked in by the game's next batter, Jeff Francoeur.

7/22: After drawing a pinch-hit walk, Julio was replaced on the basepaths by Jeff Francoeur, who scored two batters later.

7/23: After hitting an RBI double, Julio was knocked in two batters later by Jeff Francoeur.

7/26: Pinch hitting in the ninth inning of a tie game, Julio laid down a sacrifice bunt that moved runner Jeff Francoeur to second. Francoeur later scored the game's winning run.

Our conclusion? Well, it should be obvious. Jeff Francoeur is God's way of telling us that it's okay that John is gone now. He will live on in all of our hearts. In the meantime, He will also make sure to provide us with a steady stream of J. Franco(eur)'s to carry on John's legacy. Thanks, God. Really, we mean it. Thanks.

Julio's March to 2500 Hits: For the week, Julio went 3-for-8, raising his season average to .276. Those three hits raised his career total to 2499! Check back next week for what is sure to be a celebration of Julio's 2500th hit!

And now, a recap of Julio's week that was:

Oldest Pitcher Faced (week): Mike Stanton, Nationals, 38 (86 cumulative years in that match-up).
Oldest Pitcher Faced (year): Roger Clemens, Astros, 42.
Youngest Pitcher Faced (week): Brian Bruney, Diamondbacks, 23.
Youngest Pitcher Faced (year): Gavin Floyd, Phillies, 22.
Total Pitchers Faced (week): 7, who were acombined 126 years younger than Julio (avg. 18 years younger).
Total Pitchers Faced (year): 88, who have been a combined 1457 years younger than Julio (avg. 16.6 years younger).

The Al Leiter Battle for ERA Qualification (7/18-7/24)

2005-07-25T09:36:00.000-07:00

That look on Al's face kind of says it all. For this week Al came down from the giddy high that was his first Yankee start. Let's examine this start and it's repercussions on Al's quest to pitch 162 innings. For this is a feature ...

in which we track the 39 year-old YANKEE lefty in his quest for 162 Innings Pitched.

Innings Pitched: 92.1

Yankee Games: 97

Qualifies: No? (-4.2 innings)

It's always a bad sign when Blogger forces us to double space when we do not wish to double space. An omen, a harbinger of disappointing information to come.

For Al does not qualify for the Major League ERA title, for the ninth straight week. His most recent start, and second for the Yankees, was on Friday night vs. the Angels. Everyone was anxious to see if Al would retain the dominating stuff he possessed vs. the Red Sox the previous Sunday. It was not to be. Al got hit around quite a bit, yielding six runs on 10 hits over six innings of work. He was the losing pitcher in a 6-3 ballgame, dropping to 1-1 with the Yanks and 4-8 on the year. His A.L. ERA rose to 5.11, overall it stands at 6.43.

Second Inning Update: And wouldn't you know it, the second inning was what killed Al in his start on Friday. He let up four runs in this frame. Here's how the inning went, if you were scorong at home: 1B, F8, 1B, BB, 1B (scoring two), 1B (scoring two, the second a result of Al's throwing error), F7, 6-3.

Whew! The curse of the second inning returns for Al. He can not escape it, no matter what uniform he dons. He has now allowed four of his seven Yankee runs in the second inning (57%), and 31 of 68 overall ( 46%). This is freakish.

Al will get another chance with Yanks on Wednesday. If he reliably gets the ball every five days for the rest of the year, he'll get to 162 innings pitched. It would be just great if that could happen. But Al is on a short leash, one or two more bad starts and he could be tossed aside like so many rosin bags.

Al, take one game at a time, and hang in there. Everyone else: ROOT FOR HIM!

Remember: You can't spell Al Leiter without ERA!

Back Page Barometer (7/16-7/22)

2005-07-22T07:17:00.000-07:00

In which we gauge the popularity of New York’s major league franchises by using the ultimate indicator: appearances on the back page of The Post and The Daily News.

Visit here to see the headlines each day:
www.nydailynews.com/front/covers
www.nypost.com/frontback.html

Back on schedule! Just two days after our last "Back Page Barometer", we right this sinking vessel known as H.M.S. Greased Poker Chips by offering you a fresh installment, up-to-date and on time. That's not easy, you know. This stuff doesn't write itself. Well, the numbers write themselves. We're just gonna sit back and watch the magic happen. Numbers, do your thing!

Weekly Totals ("positive" and "negative" refers to the slant of the headline):

Total Baseball Covers: 10 (7 positive, 3 negative)
News: 5 (4 positive, 1 negative)
Post: 5 (3 positive, 2 negative)

Yankee Covers: 10 (7 positive, 3 negative)
News: 5 (4 positive, 1 negative)
Post: 5 (3 positive, 2 negative)

Met Covers: 0

Ok, let's start with an observation directly related to these numbers.

Shea? It Aint So: The Mets were shut out from back page action for the first time since the week of May/28-6/3. Granted, the Yanks are a more compelling story right now, as they're in the thick of a heated pennant race. But the Mets are in the midst of a four-game win streak. They just swept the Padres. They're 5 1/2 games out of first, certainly not buried. Hey, tabs! Get your noses out of A-Rod's crotch and Larry Brown's ass and start paying at least cursory back-page attention to the Metropolitans!

Larry Brown?: Yeah, Larry Brown's bailout from Detroit and subsequent wooing by the Knicks has been a huge sports story 'round these parts. This should be illegal, as it is BASEball season, not BASKETball season. These two sports do not mix, despite Trey Parker-led attempts to the contrary. The rumors surrounding Brown netted four covers this past week, the most of any non-baseball story during the baseball season. There's more to come, too.

But What About the Yanks?: Good question, little boy. Of the 10 Yankee covers this week, 7 were positive. This put them over the top- positive coverage of their exploits now outnumbers the negative by a score of 82-78 (which is also likely to be the Mets record after 160 games, but, hey, ya gotta believe)! The Yanks have been playing well, despite the fact that their starting rotation is in tatters. Mussina and Johnson and pray for a monsoon. Anyone get that reference? It's a baseball reference. The tattered state of the Yankee rotation has resulted in a string of largely anonymous hurlers being called in to start. Like Tim Redding, who allowed six runs in an inning of work as the Sox beat the Yanks 17-1. The next day, both tabs featured a pic of Redding burying his nose in his his armpit. "Stinker!", proclaimed the News. "The Pits", trumpeted the Post.

Later in the week, Aaron Small became the most recent Yankee to start a game. He pitched well enough, allowing three runs over 5 1/3 innings to get the victory. The News headline the next day featured a picture of Aaron and the headline "Biggie Small". Biggie Small! NYC is the birthplace of hip-hop. The tabs need to feature more hip-hop themed covers. Like, if the bullpen trio of Tom Gordon, Buddy Groom, and Alex Graman helped preserve a Yankee win, the headline could be "G-Unit!". Or, if the tabs want to stay on the Biggie Smalls tip, they could do a Randy Johnson-themed "Big Poppa" cover (and by the way, there was yet another Big-themed Randy cover this week, the News' "Coming Up Big" on July 17th).

Of course, there was one more new starter for the Yanks this week. This one was not anonymous. This one was none other than Al Leiter! Which brings us to our...

Headline of the Week: GPC readers are already aware of how brilliantly Al pitched on Sunday evening against the Red Sox. The tabs responded with two glowing Leiter covers the next day. The News went with the rather pedestrian "Leit's Out". The Post went with our favorite headline of the year: "Almazing!" (see top of post). Stare at this headline for at least five minutes straight. It is like looking into the eyes of God.

We here at GPC are hoping against hope, praying against prayer that Al's stint with the Yanks is succesful, and that our "Al Leiter ERA Qualification Updates" can blend seamlessly into analyzing Al's back-page appearances on "Back Page Barometer". That would be the greatest thing ever, and would inject an extra dose of meaning into our existences.

You know, sometimes it feels good just to be alive. Let's build on this rare moment of contentment by dumping a bunch of numbers onto the page:

The Season Totals (there have been 4.1 Yankee covers for every Met cover):

Baseball Covers: 201 (105 positive, 95 negative, 1 neutral)*
News: 100 (52 positive, 48 negative)
Post: 101 (53 positive, 47 negative, 1 neutral)

Yankee Covers: 160 (82 positive, 78 negative)
News: 79 (40 positive, 39 negative)
Post: 81 (42 positive, 39 negative)

Met Covers: 39 (23 positive, 16 negative)
News: 21 (12 positive, 9 negative)
Post: 18 (11 positive, 7 negative)

*(there has been one Post baseball cover unrelated to Mets or Yankees, and one featuring both equally).

The Franco-Files #15 (7/13-7/19)

2005-07-21T09:30:00.000-07:00

in which we track the exploits of Julio and John Franco, baseball's two oldest players. They are both named J. Franco. Don't forget that.

Things are still very unsettled in the world of Julio and John. Well, it's actually John's world that is unsettled. As reported last week, John was dumped by the Houston Astros. Since then, we have heard nary a peep from the lefty reliever. Well, we did hear a peep- it was reported in the Daily News on Tuesday that in the wake of GPC star Al Leiter's dominating Yankee debut, John was one of Al's ex-teammates who called to congratulate him.

That's all well and good, but shouldn't we be reading stories in the News (and elsewhere) about John, his whereabouts, and his future plans? He still hasn't announced his retirement. All we're looking for here is some closure. You can't move on without closure.

To show John that we're thinking of him, we'll pause a moment and post his some numbers relating to his 2005 campaign:

Oldest Batter Faced (year): Rafael Palmeiro, Orioles, 40.
Youngest Batter Faced (year): Jose Reyes, Mets, 21
Total Batters Faced (year): 56, who have been a combined 819 years younger than John (avg. 14.6 years younger).

As distracting as the John Franco situation has been, we must move on and still attend to our day-to-day lives. With that in mind, we'll now proceed to the still very-active Julio Franco.

Julio

In the midst of John's release last week, we did not report on Julio. So, without further ado, here's a recap of Julio's last TWO weeks (7/6-19).

Oldest Pitcher Faced (2 weeks): Roberto Hernandez, Mets, 40. (86 cumulative years in that match-up).
Oldest Pitcher Faced (year): Roger Clemens, Astros, 42.
Youngest Pitcher Faced (2 weeks): Sergio Mitre, Cubs, 24. (He's just a lot longer than Julio, okay?)
Youngest Pitcher Faced (year): Gavin Floyd, Phillies, 22.
Total Pitchers Faced (2 weeks): 11, who were a combined 177 years younger than Julio (avg. 16.1 years younger).
Total Pitchers Faced (year): 81, who have been a combined 1330 years younger than Julio (avg. 16.4 years younger).

Despite the fact that we have to cover double the usual ground, Julios' been pretty quiet these past two weeks. There are two reasons for this. First, it is hard for Julio to concentrate when the fate of John is still up in the air. We've already established this. Second, the All-Star break was within the last two weeks. This meant there were fewer opportunities for Julio to suit up and play. Here at GPC, however, we feel that it was outright robbery that Julio was not invited to Detroit to participate in the mid-summer classic. He is the very definition of the word. He is a shooting star, breaking the mold.

Regardless, over the past two weeks, Julio appeared in 6 games, starting 4. Over these six games, he went 3-for-15 (.200) with a home run (off of Mark Prior on July 7th), sac fly, and two walks. He is now batting .271. After the month of June, in which Julio was absolutely torrid, breaking age-based records on a near-daily basis, things have cooled off for him. No matter. Baseball is a game of ups and downs. Julio takes it all in stride.

It is interesting that on July 15, Julio faced a pitcher in his 40s (Roberto Hernandez) for just the second time all year (the first was Roger Clemens). Julio hit into a 1-6-3 double play off of Hernandez, dropping to 0-4 off of 40+ pitchers for the year. In fact, 39 year-old Tom Glavine started the game, and Julio went 0-2 with a walk off of him. This was the third time Julio faced Glavine this year, and he is now 0-8 against him. Julio! This lack of success against your fellow oldsters is distressing. You are the king of the oldsters!

In the second half there are three things Julio has to look forward to:
1. Through the 19th, Julio has 2496 hits. Next week we'll update our readers on Julio's march to 2500 hits!
2. Should Julio homer after August 11th, he'll be the oldest player to do so. EVER.
3. August 23rd is Julio's 47th birthday. Pretty much everything he does from that point on will put him in the record books, because in MLB history, 47 year-olds have barely done a thing. That's because by age 47, most players are 15 years retired, nursing a scotch and water in some dingy bar, reminiscing on what could have been.

Not Julio, he is aware that life is always to be enjoyed in the present tense. All we ever have is the eternal now. Julio will continue to make the most of the eternal now. He is truly inspiring.

Julio, good luck in the second half. We'll be rooting for you! And John, wherever he is, is rooting for you, too. It's up to you now to keep the J. Franco accomplishments flowing.

The Al Leiter Battle for ERA Qualification (7/11-7/17)

2005-07-20T13:24:00.000-07:00

Whoa! Sorry we were late on this one. For this is the craziest Al Leiter ERA update of them all. No doubt many GPC readers have heard about the latest development in Al's 2005 campaign:

Al is no longer a Florida Marlin. Al is a New York Yankee!

Al was "designated for assignment" by the Marlins on July 14th, an unsurprising culmination to his abominable first half, in which he went 3-7 with a 6.64 ERA. Here at GPC, this news hit us hard, coming as it did on the heels of fellow GPC star John Franco's release from the Houston Astros.

"Oh, no!", we thought. "Is Al's career over?" We refused to believe such a thing. After all, just last year Al finished with a respectable 10-8 record and a 3.21 ERA with the Mets. 39 years old or not, the man's got something left. We just knew it.

The Yankees knew it too. Their rotation decimated by injuries, the Yanks have been looking far and wide for a reliable 5th starter. When Al became available, they were the first in line. After all, Al's got NYC experience, starting his career with the Yanks before spending1998-2004 as a Met. And seeing how New York is baseball-obsessed, and the Yanks have been surging towards first place, LOTS of attention was given to the Al Leiter pursuit. In fact, hizzoner Mayor Bloomberg helped broker the deal himself. This story made the FRONT page of the Post on Saturday, with the headline "Wild Pitch". Apparently, Al and the mayor are buddies- Al's a stalwart Republican, and has the mayor's ringing endorsement should he ever throw his (Yankee) hat into the political fray.

We here at GPC are certainly not fans of the Republican agenda, but we're certainly willing to overlook Al's nefarious affiliations. After all, this is baseball. This transcends politics. We were rooting extra-hard for Al to return to NYC.

And indeed he did, just in time to start on Sunday evening in a very important match-up with the Boston Red Sox. Al was lights out, allowing just one run in 6.1 innings en-route to being the winning pitcher in a 5-3 Yankee win. He struck out a season-high 8 batters, and looked like an artist on the mound, painting in bold strokes, adding idiosyncratic flourishes to just about whatever he pleased. He made the Red Sox look like a bunch of bush-league chumps.

All of this brings us to the usual focus of the column...

in which we track the 39 year-old YANKEE lefty in his quest for 162 Innings Pitched.

So, with Al's switch to the American League, it will be impossible for him to qualify for the ERA title in either league. What he CAN aim for, however, is 162 innings pitched. This will- in our minds, at least- make him eligible for the Major League ERA title. To be considered on pace for for 162 innings pitched, he will need to have at least as many innings pitched as Yankee games played. Here's where he stands through 7/17:

Innings Pitched: 86.1
Yankee Games: 90
Qualifies: No? (-3.2 innings)

So, for the 8th straight week, Al is not on pace for 162 innings pitched. But, there is hope. If he continues to pitch well, Al can solidify himslef as a member of the Yankee rotation and get back on track for 162 innings pitched. We just know he can do it. Root for Al on Friday night we he goes against the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.

And, remember, you can't spell Al Leiter without ERA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Back Page Barometer (7/9-7/15)

2005-07-20T12:07:00.000-07:00

In which we gauge the popularity of New York’s major league franchises by using the ultimate indicator: appearances on the back page of The Post and The Daily News.

Visit here to see the headlines each day:
www.nydailynews.com/front/covers
www.nypost.com/frontback.html

Well, we here at GPC running behind. This "Back Page Barometer" is already five days late. In fact, another installment is due in just another two days (let's hope we can get that one in on time). With that in mind, and the awareness that much of this information is already obsolete, we're gonna make this a quick one. Quick, however, can still mean awesome. We still intend to be awesome. Don't worry about that.

Weekly Totals ("positive" and "negative" refers to the slant of the headline):

Total Baseball Covers: 14 (9 positive, 5 negative)
News: 7 (4 positive, 3 negative)
Post: 7 (5 positive, 2 negative)

Yankee Covers: 12 (9 positive, 3 negative)
News: 6 (4 positive, 2 negative)
Post: 6 (5 positive, 1 negative)

Met Covers: 2 (negative)
News: 1
Post: 1

This was a strange seven days for the tabs. It was hard for them to get in a rhythm, what with the All-Star break floating around in the middle of the week like a Charlie Hough knuckleball. The tabs were like Geno Petralli trying to catch said knuckleball, scurrying all around looking for anything relating to that deceptive white sphere. Yes, the All-Star break meant no meaningful baseball action for three whole days! Oh, the Humanity!

The Spice of Life: Before the aforementioned All-Star break, the tabs started the week with some unusual cover choices. Rather than marching in step like usual, they courteously divided the baseball stories amongst themselves. This meant on Saturday (the 9th), the News highlighted the Mets (horrendous) 6-5 loss to the Pirates ("The Pitts"), while the Post went with a Yanks victory. The next day, they switched. The News put the Yanks on the cover (an 8-7 loss to the Indians), while the Post went with the Metropolitans (who lost to the Buccos yet again).

We here at GPC continue to advocate for increased increased back-cover discrepancies between the two papers. After all, variety is (see bold-faced type at top of previous paragraph for conclusion to this sentence)

Filling the Void: Three whole days without baseball! What's a scandal-sheet to do? What are sports-inclined straphangers supposed to read? Both tabs did their best to fill the void. They really had to stretch on Tuesday the 12th, when they each reached back and relied on their favorite Yankee, Gary Sheffield, who is seemingly never at a loss to say something negative. Sheff apparently warned the Red Sox not to mess with A-Rod, like Catcher Jason Varitek did a year ago. "Don't Mess With A-Rod!" screamed the Post.

Meanwhile, Sheffield also said he would not play in Major League Baseball's post post-season World Cup-styled "World Tournament", scheduled for November. Check out the News' headline, at the top of this post. It's like he's telling the headline itself that he refuses to play. Hey, Sheff! The tournament's not until November! Step back into the batter's box and finish your at-bat. You can point menacingly at 48-point type after the game.

Let's End This: You said it, bold-face type. Here are the season totals (there have been 3.8 Yankee covers for every Met cover):

Baseball Covers: 191 (98 positive, 92 negative, 1 neutral)*
News: 95 (48 positive, 47 negative)
Post: 96 (50 positive, 45 negative, 1 neutral)

Yankee Covers: 150 (75 positive, 75 negative)
News: 74 (36 positive, 38 negative)
Post: 76 (39 positive, 37 negative)

Met Covers: 39 (23 positive, 16 negative)
News: 21 (12 positive, 9 negative)
Post: 18 (11 positive, 7 negative)

*(there has been one Post baseball cover unrelated to Mets or Yankees, and one featuring both equally).

The Franco-Files #14 (7/6-7/12)

2005-07-13T08:48:00.000-07:00

in which we track the exploits of Julio and John Franco, baseball's two oldest players. They are both named J. Franco. Don't forget that.

14 installments in, the Franco-Files has developed a nice, easy, predictable rhythm. But as we all know, nothing stays nice, easy, and predictable for too long. Something always happens to knock one out of his complacent mindset, a reminder that existence is a crushing, oppressive force that will eventually consume all of us. The gaping mouth of the eternal void awaits.

But we must fight the void. Rage against the dying of the light and all that. That's certainly why we track John and Julio so meticulously. Their light has never died.

Or has it?

Today, we do not check in with Julio first. We check in with John. For a horrible thing has happened to him. On July 2nd, he was designated for assignment by the Astros. This means that the Astros have 10 days (through today) to decide what to do with him. Their options are to trade him, send him to the minors, or release him. Or, John could just announce his retirement. None of these things have happened yet, and here at GPC we are extremely anxious to see what will transpire.

We here at GPC apologize for not updating our readers about this development sooner. We felt like parents who just couldn't work up the guts to tell their children they are getting a divorce. But we cannot expect to shield our readers from life's difficult moments, and pledge to be more forthright in the future when tragedy strikes (as indeed it will, probably when we least suspect it).

To John, we sincerely hope that you find a way to continue your MLB career. We here at GPC love you very much, and will always support you, no matter what happens.

We'll be back next week with a new installment of the Franco-Files (including the usual Julio update). But for now, all our thoughts are with John, as we wait to see what happens.

Do not go gentle into that good night, John.

The Al Leiter Battle for ERA Qualification (7/4-710)

2005-07-11T08:32:00.000-07:00

Like life itself, the first half of Al's 2005 campaign was a maddening swirl of unfocused, inconsistent energy. It was very disappointing, as Al was beaten up pretty badly by Senior League batsmen on a regular basis. Has this been a momentary setback, or an indication that 39 1/2 year old Al no longer can be expected to be a quality pitcher who qualifies for the ERA title?

Only time will tell. Just remember that Al receives unconditional love and support from us here at GPC no matter what he does. For now, let's look at the week that was, as part of this regular feature in which we...uh...

in which we track the 39 year-old Marlins lefty in his quest for 162 Innings Pitched.

Al's ERA: 6.64
Innings Pitched: 80
Marlins Games: 86
Qualifies?: No! (-6 innings)

(To qualify for the ERA title, a pitcher must average at least 1 inning pitched for each game played. In the NL, 54 pitchers currently qualify for the ERA title.)

So what's the deal with Al Leiter and his ERA? I'll tell you!

For the seventh straight week, Al is nowhere to be found on the list of National League ERA qualifiers. Just like last week, he remains 6 innings off the pace.

This despite the fact that he made two appearances last week. The first was his season debut out of the bullpen. This development had long been threatened, but it was still disappointing to see it come to fruition. It was Al's first appearance in a relief role since 1993 (when with the Toronto BJ's). He entered the game in the third inning, replacing Josh Beckett. Beckett left the game with a left oblique strain. How a strain "expresses itself indirectly", we're not sure. Al started off shaky, no doubt confused by the fact that he was pitching in a game that someone else had started. He allowed three straight two-out hits that scored two runs (one charged to Beckett), then settled down and pitched a scorless 4th and 5th inning. Not bad, Al, not bad.

Josh Beckett's aforementioned strain landed him on the DL, propelling Al back into the rotation! He started on Sunday. Here was a chance for Al to prove that this was where he belonged, to end the season's first half with a commanding performance. It was not to be. He only lasted three+ innings, allowing 6 runs (5 earned) on 6 hits and 5 walks. 12 of the 20 batters he faced reached base. The Marlins went on to lose 9-2. Al's won-loss record fell to 3-7.

"Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!" cried Al's soul after the game. This is a man in serious psychic pain. We here at GPC share this pain. Al, make the all-star break the "Al-star" break. Relax. Forget about baseball. Remember to enjoy each moment on God's green earth for the precious gift that it is. Just breathe.

Then go out there in the second half with a vengeance, and annilihate every motherfucker who says you're washed up. Sorry to be harsh, but drastic times call for drastic action.

Second Inning Update: The second inning is Al's trouble inning. But on the 10th, he allowed no runs in this inning, getting knocked for runs in both the third and fourth frames. Still, in the first half, 27 of Al's 61 runs were allowed in the second (44%). Things are improving here, slowly but surely.

To close, here's a quote from Al on how he intends to approach the second half:

"I'm aware of my numbers and what's being said," Leiter said. "In my second half, I'll try not to look at the numbers, and hear the comments of the first half. I'll look at [numbers] as all zeroes."

He also should have added: "You can't spell Al Leiter without ERA!"

Back-Page Barometer (7/2-7/8)

2005-07-08T09:03:00.000-07:00

In which we gauge the popularity of New York’s major league franchises by using the ultimate indicator: appearances on the back page of The Post and The Daily News.

Visit here to see the headlines each day:
www.nydailynews.com/front/covers
www.nypost.com/frontback.html

The Yankees are on a roll, their back-page domination continues unabated. And in a sign that happier times are on the way, positive back-page baseball covers finally outnumber the negative for the year. First, the numbers for the week:

Total Baseball Covers: 14 (12 positive, 2 negative)
News: 4 (3 positive, 1 negative)
Post: 6 (4 positive, 2 negative)

Yankee Covers: 12 (10 positive, 2 negative)
News: 6 (5 positive, 1 negative)
Post: 6 (5 positive, 1 negative)

Met Covers: 2 (positive)
News: 1
Post: 1

Yep, the News and the Post marched in rhythm all week, covering the same story from the same angle day after day after day after day after day after day after day. They do that sometimes.

Big Yawn: On July 2nd, Randy Johnson was the back-page subject, after getting shelled by the Tigers the night before. The News proclaimed him to be "Big Dud", while the Post dubbed his sub-par performance a "Big Mystery". Add these covers to previous big-themed Randy covers: "Big Shot", Big Sweep", "Big Bummer", "The Big Disgrace", and "Big Start".

Big Turnaround: Jason Giambi, who has had a very difficult year and a half (to say the least), is finally starting to play well again, and the tabs are taking notice. He was the cover star four times last week, as the tabs covered his heroics in a wholly positive fashion (typical was the News' July 6th headline, which featured Giambi connecting for a home run and the headline "G-Force"). This is significant, considering Giambi's back covers up to this point were largely concerned with his lack of hitting, steroid abuse, and possible demotion to the minors.

Big Back-Page Debut: Since Chien-Ming Wang made his debut for the Yanks a few months ago, you just know the tabs were chomping at the bit to use a "Chien Music" headline. Well, on July 3rd, Wang pitched 7 scoreless innings, and both the News and Post responded with just that. Hey guys, why not "Big Wang"?

Big Rip-Off Artists: For the second time in two weeks, the Post used a headline previously used earlier in the season by the News. That should be illegal! On 7/7, both tabs featured their lone Mets cover for the week (of course, the Yanks didn't play the day before). A key moment in the game was when Aaron Heilman entered in the 6th inning, bailing Tom Glavine out of a tight spot, which helped to preserve his (and the Mets') eventual victory. The Post's headline was "Thank Aaron", which the News used on April 26th after Heilman got the victory in a 5-4 Mets win over the Nationals.

I guess it's too much to ask the Post to have at least a little shame. They're owned by Rupert Murdoch.

Headline of the Week: A good sports headline often manages to find a way to incorporate current non-sports events, in an attempt to, uh, capture the zeitgeist. On July 4th, the Yankees won a wild game, scoring 7 runs in the 8th inning to win 13-8. The Post responded with "Live 8th". It is unclear whether the Yankee's big inning was motivated by their burning desire to alleviate world hunger.

Damn, this has been a great "Back Page Barometer", if we do say so ourselves. Let's check the season totals to close this one on out.

Season Totals: (there have been 3.7 Yankee covers for every Met cover).

Baseball Covers: 177 (89 positive, 87 negative, 1 neutral)*
News: 88 (44 positive, 44 negative)
Post: 89 (45 positive, 43 negative, 1 neutral)

Yankee Covers: 138 (66 positive, 72 negative)
News: 68 (32 positive, 36 negative)
Post: 70 (34 positive, 36 negative)

Met Covers: 37 (23 positive, 14 negative)
News: 20 (12 positive, 8 negative)
Post: 17 (11 positive, 6 negative)

*(there has been one baseball cover unrelated to Mets or Yankees, and one featuring both equally).

The Franco-Files # 13 (6/29-7/5)

2005-07-06T07:45:00.000-07:00

in which we track the exploits of Julio and John Franco, baseball's two oldest players. They are both named J. Franco. Don't forget that.

A quiet week for our heroes: no bombastic acts of screaming-loud heroism, nor ignominious acts of grating failure. Just a lot of sitting around, waiting by the phone, waiting for someone to call them up and tell them they're not alone.

Of course you're not alone, Julio and John! You are heroes! See in the sand over there, where there is only one set of footprints? It is there that we, baseball fans at large, carried you.

As surely was Laverne' s best friend do we check in with Julio first.

Julio

Julio's month of June was positively scorching. Without having the numbers handy, we'll guess that he hit something like .420 over the course of 69 at-bats. It was really impressive. Will Julio's July follow suit? Well, our sources here at GPC inform us that Julio means "July" in some other language (probably Latin, the dominant language spoken while he was growing up). So, chances are good that Julio will have a great July! Bet on it!

Last week, Julio appeared in four games,startingg just one. In this start (on June 29th), Julio went 1-5 with a walk and a run scored in a 13-inning 6-5 loss to the Marlins. This game was notable for Julio only in that it was the longest one he played in from start to finish. The six plate appearances were a season high, as were the five pitchers he faced.

Playing 13 innings on the 29th must have worn Julio out for the rest of the week, as the rest of his appearances were in the role of pinch-hitter. But they were all successful. On the 30th he smoked an RBI double (in a losing effort), on the 2nd he singled and scored (in a losing effort), and on the 3rd he hit an RBI ground-out. Seeing as how the Braves won this game by a run, Julio's RBI groundout could be seen as the most important moment of the game. Who cares what else happened?

For the week, Julio went 3-8 with a walk, 2 runs scored, and 2 RBIs. His average is up to a very healthy .281 for the year. As a pinch-hitter he is now hitting a scorching .348 (8-23).

Oldest Pitcher Faced (week): Al Leiter, Marlins, 39 (85 cumulative years in that match-up).
Oldest Pitcher Faced (year): Roger Clemens, Astros, 42.
Youngest Pitcher Faced (week): Ryan Madson, Phillies, 24 (born at a time in Julio's life when he was still a tough guy. You wouldn't want to have made him mad, son. Madson. You gotta stretch sometimes).
Youngest Pitcher Faced (year): Gavin Floyd, Phillies, 22.
Total Pitchers Faced (week): 7, who were a combined 113 years younger than Julio (avg. 16.1 years younger).
Total Pitchers Faced (year): 72, who have been a combined 1179 years younger than Julio (avg. 16.4 years younger).

John

Okay, remember when way up in the intro to this column we said that there were no "ignominious acts of grating failure" for our heroes this week? That was a lie. That was pretty much all John's week was. He only appeared in one game, on July 1st against the Reds. It didn't go well. He entered the game in the 8th inning with 1 out and no one on the 8th inning, his Astros leading 10-4. So he had some breathing room, which is no doubt why he was left in the game to face a season high 6 batters. 6 batters! For John that is like pitching a 13 inning complete game. Hopefully he will not need reconstructive elbow surgery. Here's how John's outing went:
Batter #1: single
#2: Walk
#3: strikeout
#4: single (bases are now loaded)
#5: three-run, bases-clearing double
#6: ground out

So, John was charged with three runs in his 2/3rds of an inning of work. This raises his ERA to a hard-to-look-at 7.20 (his highest ERA since the end of May). Opponents are hitting .343 against him. He has allowed 8 of 25 inherited runners to score.

Looking for a silver lining? How about two silver linings, rapturously melting into one another to form a gold lining? Silver Lining #1: The Astros still won the game, 10-7. #2: That ground out at the end of the inning? That was Sean Casey, who previous to that at-bat had been 4-4 off of John this year. He is now hitting a much more modest .800 off of him.

Oldest Batter Faced (week): Rich Aurilia, Reds, 33 (77 cumulative years in that match-up).
Oldest Batter Faced (year): Rafael Palmeiro, Orioles, 40.
Youngest Batter Faced (week): Ray Olmedo, Reds, 24 (born while John was in the midst of a Farrah Fawcett-inspired nocturnal emission).
Youngest Batter Faced (year): Jose Reyes, Mets, 21.
Total Batters Faced (week): 6, who were a combined 97 years younger than John (avg. 16.2 years younger).
Total Batters Faced (year): 56, who have been a combined 819 years younger than John (avg. 14.6 years younger).

This is the best, most funniest baseball writing on the planet.

Al Leiter Battle for ERA Qualification (6/27-7/3)

2005-07-05T07:56:00.000-07:00

We're almost back up to speed at GPC headquarters. Yes, it's Tuesday, and Yes, Al Leiter's Battle for ERA Qualification should arrive on Monday. But yesterday was a holiday, dammit! Celebrating our nation's independence took precedence over writing about Al Leiter and his ERA.

Back to life, back to reality, back to these, uh, foolish games or something like that. Now back to regular scheduled programming, in which...in which....in which...

in which we track the 39 year-old Marlins lefty in his quest for 162 Innings Pitched. Yeah, that's it!

Al's ERA: 6.45
Innings Pitched: 74
Marlins Games: 80
Qualifies?: No! (-6 innings)

(To qualify for the ERA title, a pitcher must average at least 1 inning pitched for each game played. In the NL, 54 pitchers currently qualify for the ERA title.)

So what's the deal with Al Leiter and his ERA? I'll tell you!

For the 6th update in a row, Al does not qualify for the ERA title. He's 6 innings off the pace, a season high.

Ugh. Al did start once this past week, but it was the sort of maddening, middling, mediocre start that has Al saying "I'm pitching like malarkey! I must get of this malaise!"

Al's start was on June 29th against the Atlanta Braves, in which he pitched 4.1 innings, allowing 4 runs, 4 walks, 4 strikeouts, and 8 hits. He only threw 82 pitches, a very small number given Al's tendency to be a nibbler on the mound.

While Al was no doubt displeased with his performance (which raised his ERA 12 points to it's current 6.45), he surely took solace in the fact that his Marlins won the game, 6-5 in 13 innings. This is the fourth straight start of Al's that the Marlins have won, raising their record to 6-9 in the 15 games in which Al has started. Silver linings, silver linings, we bring tidings, of silver linings...

Second Inning Update: Al hates the second inning. It is his trouble inning. On the 29th, he did not escape unscathed, allowing a home-run to 38 year-old Brian Jordan. Of the 54 runs Al has allowed this year, 27 (50%) have been in the second inning.

Tough times for Al continue. Rumors abound that he's headed to the Marlins bullpen. Stay tuned next week for the latest info on that revoltin' development. But, no matter what happens, you can be assured that we will be following (and supporting) Al every step of the way.

Remember...remember...remember...

YOU CAN'T SPELL AL LEITER WITHOUT ERA!!!

Greased Poker Chips Triple Shot!

2005-07-01T15:09:00.000-07:00

It's been a very hectic week at Greased Poker Chips headquarters. Time, that elusive bitch, was in very short supply. Updates went un-updated. Well, reader (s), you're in for a treat. All of GPC''s weekly content is right here in one easy-to-digest posting. Easy to digest if you're a Komono Dragon, that is.

Al Leiter ERA Qualification Update (6/20-6/26)

in which we track the 39 year-old Marlins lefty in his quest for 162 Innings Pitched.

Al's ERA: 6.33
Innings Pitched: 69.2
Marlins Games: 72
Qualifies?: No! (-2.1 innings)

(To qualify for the ERA title, a pitcher must average at least 1 inning pitched for each game played. In the NL, 56 pitchers currently qualify for the ERA title.)

So what's the deal with Al Leiter and his ERA? I'll tell you!

Well, this was the record 5th straight week that Al did not qualify for the ERA title. But, as usual, he is just a smidgen, a fraction, a hair away from ERA qualification. His chronic inability to qualify will make it that much sweeter when (not if) he makes it back to qualifying status. You've gotta believe! Honor the ghost of Tug McGraw by believing, and maybe one day your loins will produce a country music superstar.

For the record, Al had one start this week. He pitched 6.1 innings (a mighty amount), allowing four runs in what was an eventual 7-4 Marlins win. Not bad, Al, not bad. It was the third straight Leiter start in which the Marlins won. They are now 5-9 in his 14 starts.

And what of the second inning, Al's arch-nemesis inning?

He allowed nary a run. Take that, second inning.

Greased Poker Chips apologizes to those who feel the tracking of Al Leiter's ERA is too obscure an endeavor. Please, bear in mind, it's all a matter of perspective. There are some individuals who may feel solving the genocide in Sudan is too obscure a matter. I disagree.

The moral? Nothing's obscure. Not genocide, and not Al Leiter's ERA, that's for damn sure.

You know what else? I'll tell you what:

YOU CAN'T SPELL AL LEITER WITHOUT ERA!

And you can't defeat Greased Poker Chips.

The Franco-Files #12 (6/22-6/28)

in which we track the exploits of Julio and John Franco, baseball’s two oldest players. They are both named J. Franco. Don't forget that.

Alright. Here we go. Deep breath. It's hard sometimes. Life is hard sometimes. It's hard to clear one's mind and focus on the divine, all-knowing, almighty, omniscient eye of Julio and John. In their human forms, they have two eyes apiece. But, as has already been established on these pages, Julio and John combined equal the supreme lifeforce of that which cannot be named. Yahweh.

As surely as a cat's 8th life expires as a result of auto-erotic asphyxiation do we check in with Julio first.
Christ. Does anyone read this? I try really hard, but then push everyone away. I mean, we try hard. We push everyone away. All of us here at Greased Poker Chips.

Julio

Julio's scorching month of June continues! Last week, we marveled at Julio's multi-homerun game. It would seem that there is very little left to accomplish for Julio. Wrong! There is always something for Julio to accomplish. Just check this out. Julio appeared in 4 games this week, starting 3 of them. The first game of the week (on 6/23) was the worst, a listless 0-3 against Dontrelle Willis. Julio rode the D-Train straight to the bench after each at-bat. But wait...

On June 25th, Julio kicked things into gear, going 2-4 with an RBI. Julio's first hit of the game was a bunt single to lead off the inning! A 46 year-old man bunting for a single, you just have to love it.

But you know what you have to love more than that? A 46 year-old man hitting a pinch grand slam! Holy shit, Julio did just that on June 27th against the Marlins. With the Braves up 3-1 in the top of the 8th, Julio was called in to face Valerio De Los Santos with one out and the bases loaded. And he connected for a grand slam! Julio already owned the record for oldest player to hit a grand slam and oldest player to hit a pinch home-run, so you can be damn sure he's the oldest player to hit a pinch-hit grand slam. Valerio De Los Santos was so distraught that he changed his name after the game to Valerio De Los Sad-tos. Because he was sad.

It's hard to top a pinch grand slam, but Julio still shined in his fourth and final game this week, on June 28th. He once again went 0-3 against Dontrelle Willis, but he also managed a sacrifice fly against him, his first of the year. Then, once the D-Train was off the tracks, Julio hit a two-run triple off of Chris Resop. A triple, the hardest of all extra-base hits. Hey Chris Resop, nice try. You should take some of those fables you wrote to heart. Don't allow 3-base hits to men more than twice your age. You're a hare and Julio is the tortoise. The tortoise wins.

Julio is now batting a robust .275 for the year, up 8 points from last week. Tip your hat to him.

Oldest Pitcher Faced (week): Steve Kline, Orioles, 32 (still 14 years younger than Julio).
Oldest Pitcher Faced (year): Roger Clemens, Astros, 42.
Youngest Pitcher Faced (week): Chris Resop, Marlins, 22 (born when Julio was 24).
Youngest Pitcher Faced (year): Gavin Floyd, Phillies, 22.
Total Pitchers Faced (week): 6, who were a combined 117 years younger than Julio (avg. 19.5 years younger).
Total Pitchers Faced (year): 69, who have been a combined 1118 years younger than Julio (avg. 16.2 years younger).

John

When we last left John, he was in the midst of a straek in which he had retired five batters in a row, not bad for an old fella who often only faces 1 or 2 batters an appearance. Well, that streak continued into this week. On June 22nd, Franco once again entered a game right after Roger Clemens. And he picked up right where Roger left off, recording a 1-2-3 8th inning, running his streak to 8 straight batters retired (tied for his season high).

And that streak ran to 9, when John pitched on June 25th against the Rangers. John entered the game with one out and a runner on first, and promptly retired Kevin Mench. Unfortunately, the streak stopped there, as Michael Young singled and Mar Texeira walked. No matter, John struck out Hank Blalock to end the inning, no damage done.

Unfortunately, damage was done on June 28th against Colorado, as John was one of three Astro relievers who blew a 5-1 lead in the 8th inning. John entered with runners on first and second and one out. He then retired Luis Gonzalez (imposter Luis Gonzalez, he of the Rockies), but soon allowed an RBI single to Todd Helton and was summarily yanked. Helton later scored on a Garret Atkins grand slam allowed by Russ Springer, which raised John's era to it's current 5.65 (still down from last week).

John, you're doing alright. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Also, none of this maddening double-spacing is your fault.

Oldest Batter Faced (week): Todd Helton, Rockies, 31 (still 13 years younger than John)

Oldest Batter Faced (year): Rafael Palmeiro, Orioles, 40.

Youngest Batter Faced (week): Hank Blalock, Rangers, 24.

Youngest Batter Faced (year): Jose Reyes, Mets, 21.

Total Batters Faced (week): 9, who were a combined 152 years younger than John (avg. 16.9 years younger).

Total Batters Faced (year): 47, who have been a combined 754 years younger than John (avg. 14.5 years younger).

Back Page Barometer (6/25-7/1)

In which we gauge the popularity of New York’s major league franchises by using the ultimate indicator: appearances on the back page of The Post and The Daily News.

Visit here to see the headlines each day :

www.nydailynews.com/front/covers

www.nypost.com/frontback.html

Some confounding coverage to discuss this week. But first, let's check the numbers:

Total Baseball Covers: 14 (7 positive, 6 negative, 1 neutral)

News: 7 (3 positive, 4 negative)

Post: 7 (4 positive, 2 negative, 1 neutral)

Yankee Covers: 10 (4 positive, 6 negative)

News: 6 (2 positive, 4 negative)

Post: 4 (2 positive, 2 negative)

Met Covers: 3 (positive)

News: 1

Post: 2

Both: 1 (neutral)

Post: 1

News: 0

Alright, we're gonna ignore the Subway Series coverage (in which the Mets and Yanks netted three covers apiece for the week) and cut right to the main tabloid event of the week: the Post's back-page on 6/29, which dealt with a rumored Mets-Yankees trade that would have sent Mike Cameron to the Yankees and Gary Sheffield to the Mets. This cover featured Cameron on one side, Sheffield on the other. The headline was a good one: "Sock Exchange". The problem was that this was the year's first cover that went 100% equally to both teams, neccessitating a new "both" category in the weekly back-page tally. And not only that, this cover had no "positive" or "negative" slant, again neccesitating the brand-new "neutral" designation.

Perhaps this has no relevance outside the world of Greased Poker Chips, but it really messed things up around here. Fortunately, the fallout of the headline resulted in the most common and comforting of back pages: Yankees negativity. It seems that Gary Sheffield didn't take too kindly to these rumors, and made it abundantly clear he would not accept such a trade. The News kept up on this story all the way though today (the 1st), while the Post spun off into a new angle on Sheffield negativity, this time dealing with his two-game suspension for bumping umpire C.B. Bucknor last Sunday. Who knows how long this particular strain of negativity will last. And speaking of negativity, check out the...

Headline of the Week: Post, June 30th. The Yankees cut relievers Mike Stanton and Paul Quantrill, and the Post responded with the headline "Bullpen Bloodbath". This is hysterically overwrought as it is, but even more so when one considers the fact that the word "bloodbath" was in red. What, did the Yankees literally cut Messrs. Stanton and Quantrill, stabbing them through their pinstriped chests?

Season Totals: (there have been 3.6 Yankee covers for every Met cover).

Baseball Covers: 163 (77 positive, 85 negative, 1 neutral)*

News: 81 (38 positive, 43 negative)

Post: 82 (39 positive, 42 negative, 1 neutral)

Yankee Covers: 126 (56 positive, 70 negative)

News: 62 (27 positive, 35 negative)

Post: 64 (29 positive, 35 negative)

Met Covers: 35 (21 positive, 14 negative)

News: 19 (11 positive, 8 negative)

Post: 16 (10 positive, 6 negative)

*(there has been one baseball cover unrelated to Mets or Yankees, and one that featured both equally)

Thanks for hanging in with this massive update. I love you all.

Back Page Barometer (6/18-24)

2005-06-24T07:40:00.000-07:00

In which we gauge the popularity of New York’s major league franchises by using the ultimate indicator: appearances on the back page of The Post and The Daily News.

Visit here to see the headlines each day:
www.nydailynews.com/front/covers
www.nypost.com/frontback.html

A muddled, unfocused week in the land of the back page. A week that saw two rare tabloid occurences- discrepancies between the News and Post in regards to which sports stories they decided to cover, and that most dreaded of all developments: non-baseball sports stories. What's up with that? Baseball should own the month of June, 100%. Let's look at the numbers for the week.

Total Baseball Covers: 10 (7 positive, 3 negative)
News: 4 (3 positive, 1 negative)
Post: 6 (4 positive, 2 negative)

Yankee Covers: 9 (7 positive, 2 negative)
News: 4 (3 positive, 1 negative)
Post: 5 (5 positive, 1 negative)

Met Covers: 1 (negative)
News: 0
Post: 1

The week started out normally enough. The Yanks were in the midst of a decent winning streak, and both papers simply and sensibly devoted their back pages of the 18th and 19th to Yankee positivity. Granted, this positivity wasn't very creative. On June 18th, Matsui was the back cover star (after a game in which he had 5 RBIs), and both papers saw fit to comment on his status as a monster (News: "Monster Night", Post: "Monster Mash"). Goddammit! The guy is a human being. He has feelings, you know. On the 19th, Jeter was the cover boy, as a result of hitting his first career grand slam. This resulted in two yawn-inducers the next morning (News: "Simply Grand", Post: "Slammin").

I hereby nominate "Simply Grand" as the worst headline of the year. Was the News trying to cater to dried-out, cocktail-toting, high-society assholes that day? (At the country club: "Oh, did you see what that dashing Jeter did on the baseball diamond yesterday? It was simply grand".)

But then the week went a little kooky. June 20th was dedicated to the results of the US Open (again, the tabs throwing a bone to the high-society types). This was the first non-baseball cover in tabloid-land since May 8th's Kentucky Derby coverage. Luckily, the Post got back on track with baseball for the rest of the week, even dedicating a their cover on the 23rd to a Mets loss. The Post covering a Met's loss on the back page is a rare event, as they have only done so just six times all season (the most common tabloid cover? A Post cover regarding a Yankees loss-33 of those).

But the News, perhaps emboldened by it's US Open coverage earlier in the week, further shunned the baseball
world by devoting consecutive covers to basketball. Okay, perhap's today's cover is understandable, seeing as how the Spurs won the championship yesterday. But the day before that, their back cover was devoted to a change in NBA labor policy that will allow the Knicks to cut Allan Houston. What's going on here?

Due to the News' baseball negligence, the Post took the lead in total baseball covers for the first time all year (75-74).

Headline of the Week: Post, June 23rd. The Mets lost to the Phils 8-4. This was a result of the bullpen giving up 6 runs over the final three innings. The Post channeled the spirit of the late Tug McGraw with it's headline "Ya Gotta Relieve!" (it is still unclear whether this cover will eventually father a country music superstar).

So, that was the week that was. Let's check numbers for the year to close this one on out:

Season Totals: (there have been 3.6 Yankee covers for every Met cover).

Baseball Covers: 149 (70 positive, 79 negative)*
News: 74 (35 positive, 39 negative)
Post: 75 (35 positive, 40 negative)

Yankee Covers: 116 (52 positive, 64 negative)
News: 56 (25 positive, 31 negative)
Post: 60 (27 positive, 33 negative)

Met Covers: 32 (18 positive, 14 negative)
News: 18 (10 positive, 8 negative)
Post: 14 (8 positive, 6 negative)

*(there has been one baseball cover unrelated to Mets or Yankees)

The Franco-Files #11 (6/15-6/21)

2005-06-23T08:07:00.000-07:00

in which we track the exploits of Julio and John Franco, baseball’s two oldest players. They are both named J. Franco. Don't forget that.

Here we are again, at the juncture of space and time in which one must discard all other concerns and focus on one thing: the on-field performance of baseball's most senior veterans. The term "senior veterans" may bring to mind old men hanging at the VFW. That is how Julio (WWII vet) and John (Korea) spend their time in the offseason. But, from April-October, they re-enlist for active duty and spar on the front lines of the baseball battlefield, despite their comically advanced age. Let's see how they did this past week.

As surely as 9/11 was aided and abetted by the US Government do we check in with Julio first.

Julio

Some might recall that when we last left Julio, he was sitting pretty with a .253 average (excellent considering the fact that just a week prior to that he had been mired in the .220s). Well, .253 is not good enough for Julio. Julio dreams big, and in color. He dreams in big colors. Like, mauve. And if you dream in mauve and you're a major-league baseball player on the north side of 45, you want your average to be in the .260s. It's an established fact.

So, Julio went about accomplishing just that this past week. While he only appeared in two games, they were both starts. And he was EXCELLENT in both of them.

On June 16th, Julio returned to the speed-demon ways of his youth. After singling in the 7th inning, Julio proceeded to immediately steal second. Then, after Andruw Jones grounded out, Julio was like, "Fuck second base. It smells bad." So he stole third. He soon scored on Johnny Estrada's double. Secretly, though. Franco wished Estrada had hit a sac fly or an RBI groundout, something that would have made made his steal of third more relevant. Regardless, on the 16th Julio went 2-5, raising his average to .260!

Then came June 18th, in which Julio went 2-4 with 2 runs scored and 3 RBIs! Both of his hits were home runs! Julio became the oldest player in MLB history to have a multi-home-run game, yet another notch in his belt of age-related accomplishments. In fact, it had been almost a decade since the last time Julio homered twice in a game, on September 12th, 1996 when with the Indians. Both of his home runs on the 18th were off of Reds starter Eric Milton. The shame of allowing these home runs caused Milton to melt into a pool of wax in the clubhouse after the game, eventually hardening into a crusty layer. The Reds have put caution tape around this crusty layer, hoping that Milton will soon unmelt and regain his human form.

For the week, Julio went 4-9 with three runs scored, three RBIs, and 2 stolen bases. His average is now at .269, the highest it has been since May 8th.

Oldest Pitcher Faced (week): Eric Milton, Reds, 29 (Julio obviously faced a lot of youngsters this week).
Oldest Pitcher Faced (year): Roger Clemens, Astros, 42.
Youngest Pitcher Faced (week): Ryan Wagner, Reds, 22 (born when Julio was 23).
Youngest Pitcher Faced (year): Gavin Floyd, Phillies, 22.
Total Pitchers Faced (week): 5, who were a combined 105 years younger than Julio (avg. 21 years younger).
Total Pitchers Faced (year): 63, who have been a combined 1000 years younger than Julio (avg. 15.9 years younger).

John

This week was all about action for John. He appeared in 4 games, pitching 3 2/3rds innings. In these 3.2 innings, he allowed 1 run, and 1 inherited runner to score. Not too shabby, especially considering John's first appearance of the week, against Baltimore. John entered the game in the bottom of the 7th (just after shedding a tear during a pre-taped sing-along of "God Bless America" at Enron Field), and just didn't have his "A" game with him. Nor his "B", "C", "D", or "E" game. John brought his "F" game, as in a derogatory adjective that starts with f. He faced three batters, and allowed them all to reach base. Luckily, John''s teammate and good friend Dan Wheeler came in and bailed him out pretty nicely, allowing only one run to score.

John then contributed a solid outing in relief of fellow oldster Roger Clemens on the 17th, as well as a mediocre one on the 19th in which he allowed his inherited runner to score from second.

Finally, on June 20th, John really got his act together. He entered the game in the top of the 8th (against the Rockies) and- bam!- strikes out Ryan Shealy... wham!- strikes out Cory Sullivan...pop!- retires the fearsome Eddy Garabito on a fly-out to right. That's how it's done, John. That's how it's done. John ended the week on a still-active streak of five straight batters retired.

His ERA is at 5.84, opponent are hitting .327 off of him, he has allowed 7 of 23 inherited runners to score.

Oldest Batter Faced (week): Matt Stairs, Royals, 37 (81 cumulative years in that match-up).
Oldest Batter Faced (year): Rafael Palmeiro, Orioles, 40.
Youngest Batter Faced (week): Mark Teahen, Royals, 23 (born while John was 11 days shy of his 22nd birthday).
Youngest Batter Faced (year): Jose Reyes, Mets, 21.
Total Batters Faced (week): 12, who were a combined 200 years younger than John (avg. 16.7 years younger).
Total Batters Faced (year): 47, who have been a combined 671 years younger than John (avg. 14.3 years younger).

Al Leiter ERA Qualification Update (6/13-19)

2005-06-20T07:07:00.000-07:00

in which we track the 39 year-old Marlins lefty in his quest for 162 Innings Pitched.

Al's ERA: 6.39
Innings Pitched: 63.1
Marlins Games: 66
Qualifies?: No! (-2.2 innings)

(To qualify for the ERA title, a pitcher must average at least 1 inning pitched for each game played. In the NL, 56 pitchers currently qualify for the ERA title.)

So what's the deal with Al Leiter and his ERA? I'll tell you!

Okay. For the fourth straight week, Al does not qualify for the National League ERA title. But much has been going on in Al Leiter-land. A lot of tumultous stuff. Instead of our usual "you've gotta believe in Al and his ability to qualify" malarkey, let's take a deeper look at what's really been going on.

First off, Al nearly lost his spot in the rotation. On the current Marlins 12 game road trip, there are two scheduled off-days. The Marlins plan was to use a four man rotation during the trip (Josh Beckett, AJ Burnett, Dontrelle Willis, and Brian Moehler), thereby banishing Al to the bullpen.

Al was saved from this fate only because Josh Beckett was put on the DL with a blistered middle finger (hey, I know that feeling). Al was then put back into the rotation to replace Beckett. Phew! That was a close one. We here at Greased Poker Chips don't wish a blistered middle finger upon anybody, but we were nonetheless ecstatic to see Al get re-inserted back in the rotation.

Not that Marlins manager Jack McKeon exactly gave Al a rousing vote of confidence. Said 74 year-old Jack, "We were going to go with the four guys who were pretty successful. Now that you have your need for one, you go back to the other guy."

Uh, "the other guy"? That's Al fucking Leiter you're talking about, Jack. Not some expendable Johnny-Come -Lately. Al Leiter will never be "the other guy". He is simply "the guy". Or even "Mr. Guy", tailoring Alex Trebek's wardrobe in the off-season. Get it straight.

So, back in the rotation, Al got his first start in 8 days just yesterday. Obviously, he had a lot to prove. And he proved it, with his second-best start of the year. Al went 6 innings, allowing two runs, and was the winning pitcher in an eventual 7-5 Marlins victory. Al threw a season-high 117 pitches, but that was nothing to him. "To me, the 100 pitch count is malarkey", he said. Yes, he used the word "malarkey". If Al ever gets released by the Marlins, you can be sure that he will snidely refer to them as the Florida Malarkies.

Perhaps the most encouraging aspect of Al's start yesterday was that he didn't allow a run in the second inning. That has been Al's "trouble inning" all year, as he has allowed 26 of his 46 runs score in this frame during the 2005 campaign. Obviously, the second inning weighs very heavily on Al's mind. Just check out this quote from yesterday. Read it at least three times, slowly and out loud.

"I didn't have a bad second inning," said Leiter, who did face two runners on with two outs. "I was thinking about it, after the second inning. I was thinking, 'Hey, I didn't give up a run in the second inning.' I did have a moment, it was the second inning, and this guy didn't score."

This is the best baseball quote of the year. Greased Poker Chips readers can be assured that we'll be paying extra-close attention to the second inning during future Al Leiter starts.

But for now, bask in the fact that, despite his well-documented troubles, Al is a mere 2.2 innings away from ERA qualification. Al can do it. We just know it.

Al, we love you and are behind you 100%. You are Mr. Guy!

Remember, you can't spell Al Leiter without ERA!

Back-Page Barometer (6/11-17)

2005-06-18T09:05:00.000-07:00

The Franco-Files #10 (6/8-6/14)

2005-06-15T07:54:00.000-07:00

in which we track the exploits of Julio and John Franco, baseball’s two oldest players. They are both named J. Franco. Don't forget that.

Well, it appears the dog days of summer are upon us. Dog days. How appropriate. Julio and John are reverse-dogs, aging only one year for every seven of existence. And what is dog reversed? GOD. It appears as if the combined life force of Julio and John is equal to God. Or, more likely, they are God. Julio and John: the original Ying-Yang twins. Look for the Baseball Oldster remix of "Badd", coming soon.

So, how did our favorite reverse dogs do this week? Let's take a look.

As surely as Jesus Christ is the one true path to salvation do we check with Julio first.

Julio

Going into this week, Julio was batting a very lackluster .220. Nay-sayers (horse and humans alike) started to bray about how maybe 46 year-olds don't belong in the major leagues. Well, Julio took those nay-sayers to the glue factory with the week that he had. He appeared in 4 games, starting in two of them. His numbers for the week? Oh, a mere 5-8 with 2 walks, 2 runs scored, and 4 RBIs. That's all. All that offensive success raised Julio's average to a much more acceptable .253 (his highest average since May 18th!). What's more, the four RBI's he netted were a third of his season total of 12! Want still more? Last night, Julio hit his third home run of the year, a two-run shot against the Ranger's Pedro Astacio. Astacio was so distraught that he put on a disguise so that reporters in the Ranger's clubhouse would not recognize him. His fake facial hair was obvious to spot, however, and it is a sure thing that the Texas tabloids will soon dub him "Pedro Mus-tachio".

Bravo, Julio, for your stellar performance this week. All of America (minus horses and Pedro Mustachio) salutes you.

Oldest Pitcher Faced (week): Keiichi Yabu, A's, 36. 82 cumulative years in that match-up.
Oldest Pitcher Faced (year): Roger Clemens, Astros, 42.
Youngest Pitcher Faced (week): C.J. Wilson, 24 (born while Julio was wondering if VCRs would ever be invented, because he really wanted to watch Airport '77 again.
Youngest Pitcher Faced (year): Gavin Floyd, Phillies, 22.
Total Pitchers Faced (week): 6, who were a combined 94 years younger than Julio (avg. 15.7 years younger).
Total Pitchers Faced (year): 58, who have been a combined 895 years younger than Julio (avg. 15.4 years younger).

John

Oh, John. I'm sorry that you always have to battle Julio for attention, that you always end up buried beneath the mountains of text devoted to him and his accomplishments. John, I love you. America loves you too. We're all paying attention now. Let's see how your week was.

Well, John pitched in two games this week, accumulating 1 inning of work. He allowed a two hits and a run, unfortunately. But some exciting stuff happened. In John's first appearance (on June 11th vs. the Blue Jays), he entered the game in the top of the 8th inning. The pitcher he was replacing? Roger Clemens. That's right, a 44 year-old pitcher replacing a 42 year-old. The two oldest pitchers in the game appearing back-to-back. Maybe this has happened before, but we here at Greased Poker Chips did not notice (sometimes we get distracted and/or suicidal). Regardless, upon relieving Clemens, John retired Orlando Hudson and was summarily yanked. Unfortunately, the Astros did not have a 46 year-old pitcher to replace him with.

In John's other appearance this week (June 13th against the Oriloes), he faced a whopping four batters (tied for his season high). One of these batters was none other than 40 year-old Rafael Palmeiro. That's right, the oldest batter John has faced so far this year! Perhaps John faced Rafael back when Rafael was on the Cubs (1986-1988). Unfortunately, the few baseball-related documents archaelogists have unearthed from this time-period have been irreparably damaged by moths and mildew, so the world will probably never know. Regardless, in their 2005 meeting, Palmeiro grounded out to first base. Base hit #2976 was gonna have to come off of someone other than John, that's for sure (despite Rafael's attempts to distract John with his massive, Viagra-induced boner).

After this week, John's ERA stands at 6.52. Opponents have hit .310 against him. He has allowed 6 of his 22 inherited runners to score.

Oldest Batter Faced (week):Rafael Palmeiro, Orioles, 40 (84 cumulative years in this match-up).
Oldest Batter Faced (year): Palmeiro! Pay attention!
Youngest Batter Faced (week): Orlando Hudson, Blue Jays, 27 (born while John was in Orlando, on a trip with his high school marching band.
Youngest Batter Faced (year): Jose Reyes, Mets, 21.
Total Batters Faced (week): 5, who were a combined 62 years younger than John (avg. 12.4 years younger).
Total Batters Faced (year): 36, who have been a combined 497 years younger than John (avg. 13.8 years younger).

Al Leiter ERA Qualification Update (6/6-6/12)

2005-06-13T08:08:00.000-07:00

in which we track the 39 year-old Marlins lefty in his quest for 162 Innings Pitched.

Al's ERA: 6.75
Innings Pitched: 57.1
Marlins Games: 60
Qualifies?: No! (-2.2 innings)

(To qualify for the ERA title, a pitcher must average at least 1 inning pitched for each game played. In the NL, 56 pitchers currently qualify for the ERA title.)

So what's the deal with Al Leiter and his ERA? I'll tell you!

For the third week in a row, Al Leiter does not qualify for the ERA title! Three straight times this has now happened! But, as always, hope remains. ERA qualifiication is always just one quality start away.

Al's only start this week came on June 11th against the Rangers. Al was matched up one of the few starting pitchers older than him, 40 year-old Kenny Rogers. Kenny, however, is having a career year. He is an ispiration to Al, who is stuck with a case of mid-life ennui.

But on this start on the 11th, Kenny did not bring his "A" game. He allowed 5 runs in his 5 innings of work. This opened the door for Al to get a victory. But Al did not, because he could not muster the strength to pitch a full five innings. Despite a season high 114 pitches thrown, Al only lasted 4.1 innings, allowing 5 runs. The big blow was a grand slam by Kevin Mench. Al never wants to hear that guy's name again. Seriously, don't mench-ion it. The good news is that the Marlins rallied to win, 6-5, saving Al from yet another loss. Al's record remains at 2-6 for the year. The Marlins are 3-9 in games he has started. His ERA jumps .3 points to 6.75.

Try as we might to put a positive spin on Al's season thus far, there's just no way around it: it's been a spectacular disappointment. But, hope remains. Hope always remains. It's the last thing to die.

Remember, you can't spell Al Leiter without ERA!

Back Page Barometer (6/4-6/10)

2005-06-10T08:24:00.000-07:00

In which we gauge the popularity of New York’s major league franchises by using the ultimate indicator: appearances on the back page of The Post and The Daily News.

Visit here to see the headlines each day
:www.nydailynews.com/front/covers\
www.nypost.com/frontback.html

In our last "Back Page Barometer", there was only one thing to talk about: the Yankees and their losing ways (of the 14 baseball covers that week, all were devoted to negative Yankees coverage). This week was a bit less pure, a bit more unfocused, though Yankee negativity was still the most common back-page angle. Let's check the week's numbers:

Total Baseball Covers: 14 (6 positive, 8 negative)
News: 7 (3 positive, 4 negative)
Post: 7 (3 positive, 4 negative)

Yankee Covers: 10 (4 positive, 6 negative)
News: 5 (2 positive, 3 negative)
Post: 5 (2 positive, 3 negative)

Met Covers: 4 (2 positive, 2 negative)
News: 2 (1 positive, 1 negative)
Post: 2 (1 positive, 1 negative)

Once again, the Post and the News marched in step with one another, covering the same game from the same angle every single day of the week. In fact, one has to go back to May 15th to find a day when the tabs differed from one another in their back-page coverage. Come on, guys. It's okay to be different. Celebrate diversity. After all, we live in the most diverse city in the world, right? Can't the back pages of the tabloids reflect this?

Despite the identical coverage, there was no overriding theme this week. The Yanks recieved positive coverage each of the two days they won, and negative coverage on 3 of the 4 days they lost. What is significant was that on June 8th, the tabs featured Pedro and the Mets on instead of harping on another Yanks loss. This broke a 14 day Yankee back-page stranglehold, and, amazingly, was Pedro's first cover of the year. He deserved it, after pitching a complete game in which he only allowed two hits (The News responded with "Kickin' Astro", the Post with "Ped-Roll"). Perhaps this headline will signify a trend; as the Mets are closer to first place than the Yankees, the tabs might begin to highlight Amazin' victories over Bomber losses.

A word about today's headlines, which featured the Mets 6-3, 11 inning loss to the Astros (the Yankees were off). Heath Bell was the losing pitcher, giving up 3 runs in the 11th. Poor Heath Bell, he's got a name for the back-pages. Headline writers love it when a player's name can double as a noun (like Bell) or an adjective (like, say, David Wright). The predictable headlines dealing with Bell's defeat were "Bell Rung" (News) and "Bell Busters" (Post). Geez, guys, I bet you came up with those in your sleep.

Headline of the Week: Post, 6/6
The night before a listless Yankee squad was defeated by the Twins 9-3. The Post got admirably creative with it's headline "Minnesota Flats". Yeah, that's right Yankees. You're all just a bunch of flats.

Season Totals: (there have been 3.3 Yankee covers for every Met cover).

Baseball Covers: 125 (55 positive, 70 negative)
News: 63 (28 positive, 34 negative)
Post: 62 (27 positive, 34 negative)

Yankee Covers: 95 (41 positive, 54 negative)
News: 41 (19 positive, 27 negative)
Post: 44 (20 positive, 29 negative)

Met Covers: 29 (16 positive, 13 negative)
News: 15 (9 positive, 8 negative)
Post: 10 (7 positive, 5 negative)

The Franco-Files #9 (6/1-6/7)

2005-06-08T08:10:00.000-07:00

in which we track the exploits of Julio and John Franco, baseball’s two oldest players. They are both named J. Franco. Don't forget that.

Hump day! What better way to push one's self up and over said hump than by checking in with baseball's eldest statesmen? When Julio and John started their careers, there was no such thing as "hump day". Everything was flat. Science has come a long way since then.

Do we check in with Julio first? Of course! That's like asking if an elephant likes peanuts.

Julio

Julio appeared in a whopping 6 games this week, starting two of them. That sounds like the optimum amount of playing time for Julio. Unfortunately, Julio didn't hit very well, managing just one hit in eight at-bats. This lowered his season average to .220. But let's focus on the positive! The positive is where it's at! And there were two distinct positives regarding Julio's week that was. Ready? Here they are.

-Julio's one hit this week was an RBI double in the top of the 9th inning vs. the Pirates. This proved to be the game-winning hit, as the Braves held on to win 1-0. As of press time, we here at Greased Poker Chips have been unable to determine whether Julio celebrated his clutch heroics with dinner at Bravo Franco Ristorante (www.bravofranco.com), located a short walk from the Pirates' PNC Park.

-Julio walked 4 times this week (he's only had 9 all year), and three of those were as a pinch hitter. So despite Julio's .125 average for the week, his on-base percentage was a robust .417. Keep up the patient approach, Julio. Sometimes all you need is just a little patience; you have what it takes to make it. Just get on base and let youngsters like Andruw Jones and Johnny Estrada drive you home.

See? Scratch beyond the surface and one can see that Julio's week was a diamond in the rough, waiting for a kind soul to come along and polish it. That soul? Greased Poker Chips.

Oldest Pitcher Faced (week): Rick White, Pirates, 36 (82 cumulative years in that match-up).
Oldest Pitcher Faced (year): Roger Clemens, Astros, 42.
Youngest Pitcher Faced (week): Francisco Rodriguez, 23 (Julio has lived two days for each day Francisco has lived. That's double the life experience, double the tang).
Youngest Pitcher Faced (year): Gavin Floyd, Phillies, 22.
Total Pitchers Faced (week): 6, who were a combined 102 years younger than Julio (avg. 17 years younger).
Total Pitchers Faced (year): 52, who have been a combined 800 years younger than Julio (avg. 15.4 years younger).

John

Well, it was another slow week for John, as he only appeared in one contest. He was forced to spend the majority of his time sitting in the bullpen, pondering his own mortality. That's a lot to ponder; it can get a body pretty worked up. So when John did make his appearance (on June 4th against the Cardinals), he came out blazing. The first batter he faced was ex-teammate Roger Cedeno. Cedeno grounded out. The second batter was David Eckstein, who copied Cedeno and also grounded out. The third was Jim Edmonds, who struck out. Nice try, California Boy. You can't catch up to the blistering heat that is John Franco! This was the longest outing by John all year- an entire inning! It did wonders for his John's fragile psyche. Live for the moment, John, live for the moment. You've got a lot left in you.

For the year, John's ERA is 6.23. Opponents are hitting .306 of of him. 6 of the 22 runners he has inherited have scored.

Oldest Batter Faced (week): Jim Edmonds, Cardinals, 34 (78 cumulative years in this match-up).
Oldest Batter Faced (year): Larry Walker, Cardinals, 38.
Youngest Batter Faced (week): David Eckstein, 30 (born while John was in training to make the Varsity Squad at Staten Island High).
Youngest Batter Faced (year): Jose Reyes, Mets, 21.
Total Batters Faced (week): 3, who were a combined 38 years younger than John (avg. 12.7 years younger).
Total Batters Faced (year): 31, who have been a combined 434 years younger than John (avg. 14 years younger).

Al Leiter ERA Qualification Update (5/30-6/5)

2005-06-06T12:36:00.000-07:00

in which we track the 39 year-old Marlins lefty in his quest for 162 Innings Pitched.

Al's ERA: 6.45
Innings Pitched: 53
Marlins Games: 54
Qualifies?: No! (-1 inning)

(To qualify for the ERA title, a pitcher must average at least 1 inning pitched for each game played. In the NL, 57 pitchers currently qualify for the ERA title.)

So what's the deal with Al Leiter and his ERA? I'll tell you!

For the second week in a row, Al does not qualify for the National League ERA crown! This is the first time all season that this has happened in back-to-back weeks. This despite the fact that Al started twice this past week. But, not surprisingly, both of these starts lasted a mere 5 innings. The first, on May 30th, was a no-decision against the Pirates on May 30th. Al pitched well, letting up just one run in his requisite 5 innings of work. The second was on June 4th against the Nationals. Al took the loss, allowing 4 runs in an eventual 7-3 game, his record dropping to 2-6 on the year.

All told for the week (or should we say Al told), Al pitched 10 innings, and allowed 5 runs. This lowered his ERA from 6.91 to 6.45, but still leaves much to be desired.

So what else to say? Al continues to struggle, but he's hanging in there. Root for him extra-hard when he takes on his arch-nemesis' the Texas Rangers on June 10th. ERA Qualification is only one quality start away.

Remember, you can't spell Al Leiter without ERA!

Back-Page Barometer (5/28-6/3)

2005-06-03T10:01:00.000-07:00

The Franco-Files #8 (5/25-5/31)

2005-06-01T08:53:00.000-07:00

in which we track the exploits of Julio and John Franco, baseball’s two oldest players. They are both named J. Franco. Don't forget that.

Time flies! It's Wednesday yet again, which means here at Greased Poker Chips we attempt to alleviate the crushing pain of our slow march towards death by checking in with baseball's most ancient duo: Julio and John Franco.

As surely as the sun sets in the west do we check in with Julio first.

Julio

Last week we complained that perhaps Julio was getting too much playing time, that his constant starts might have something to do with his rapidly declining average. Well, Bobby Cox (an avid reader of this column, by the way) took our concerns to heart. This week, Julio did not start any games. Leave starting games to someone else, right Julio? Adam LaRoche can do that. Julio did appear in 4 games, however. The first three were pinch-hit appearances against the Phillies, and all three were failures. But Julio's fourth appearance this week was a rousing success! He pinch-hit in the top of the 6th against TJ Tucker, and came through with an RBI single (his first pinch-hit since April 16th!). He then stayed in the game (playing first base, of course), and got another at-bat in the 9th. This time, Julio connected for a home run!!! This was Julio's second home-run of the year, and went a long way towards ensuring that future 46 year-old major leaguers have their work cut out for them whilst pursuing Julio's age-based records. Chad Cordero gave up this home run to Julio, and he is currently on suicide watch in the Nationals clubhouse.

For the week, Julio went 2-5 (.400). This raised his season average to a still disappointing .229.
Julio's week that was:

Oldest Pitcher Faced (week): Billy Wagner, Phillies, 33 (79 cumulative years in that match-up).
Oldest Pitcher Faced (year): Roger Clemens, Astros, 42.
Youngest Pitcher Faced (week): Chad Cordero, Nationals, 23 (born during spring training of the season in which Julio made his ML debut).
Youngest Pitcher Faced (year): Gavin Floyd, Phillies, 22.
Total Pitchers Faced (week): 4, who were a combined 71 years younger than Julio (avg. 17.8 years younger).
Total Pitchers Faced (year): 47, who have been a combined 708 years younger than Julio (avg. 15.1 years younger).

John

Not a very good week for our favorite 44 year-old situational lefty reliever. Well, it started out fine. On May 27th, John was summoned into a very difficult situation: bases loaded, one out in a one run game. His task: retire Lyle Overbay. Result: successful (he struck him out). But then came May 30th against the Reds. John was summoned to start the 9th inning of a game in which his Astros were down 2-0. He allowed singles to all three batters he faced, then left the game with the bases loaded. All three of these runners scored (as did four more that inning), turning the game into a 9-0 Reds romp. John was very frustrated with his role in making this happen; his screams of anguish could be heard back in his hometown of Staten Island. Upon hearing these screams, Staten Islanders merely shrugged their shoulders. They are used to John's anguish. Regardless, it is worth mentioning that one of the hitters who singled off of John in this game was Sean Casey, making him 3-3 off John for the year. Inexplicably, John was called in to face him again the next night, and Casey hit an RBI double, allowing the runner John had inherited (Ryan Freel) to score. Yes, Sean Casey is 4-4 off John this year, accounting for more than a third of the hits John has allowed for the entire season. Insert your own "Casey at the Bat" joke here.

For the week, John pitched just 2/3rds of an inning, allowing three runs and one inherited runner to score. Hitters went 4-6 off of him.

For the season, John's ERA now stands at 7.04. Opponents are batting .355 off of him (11-31). He has allowed 6 of 22 inherited runners to score (27.3%).

Oldest Batter Faced (week): Ken Griffey Jr., Reds, 35 (79 cumulative years in that match-up).
Oldest Batter Faced (year): Larry Walker, Cardinals, 38.
Youngest Batter Faced (week): Adam Dunn, Reds, 25 (born while John was a libidinous 19 year-old).
Youngest Batter Faced (year): Jose Reyes, Mets, 21.
Total Batters Faced (week): 4, who were a combined 58 years younger than John (avg. 14.5 years younger).
Total Batters Faced (year): 29, who have been a combined 410 years younger than John (avg. 14.1 years younger).

Al Leiter ERA Qualification Update (5/23-5/29)

2005-05-30T19:15:00.000-07:00

in which we track the 39 year-old Marlins lefty in his quest for 162 Innings Pitched

Al's Era: 6.91
Innings Pitched: 43
Marlins Games: 47
Qualifies: no! (-4 Innings)

(To qualify for the ERA title, a pitcher must average at least 1 inning pitched for each game played. )

So what's the deal with Al Leiter and his ERA? I'll tell you!

'Tis a sad day at Al Leiter ERA Qualification Headquarters. For Mighty Al does not qualify for the ERA title. This is the first time this has happened since the opening week of the season. Before this week, Al had been teetering on the brink, but always found a way to be on the qualifying end when we checked in on him each Monday. Why does he not qualify? Because Al's only start this week (against the Phillies on May 25th) was miserable. He pitched just 2.1 innings, letting up 5 runs. This raised his ERA to an abominable 6.91, and seriously jeopardizes Al's spot in the rotation.

Al! Please improve! If you are banished to the bullpen, you will never make it to 162 innings pitched. You will not qualify for the ERA title. You will have to listen to Jim Mecir tell the same boring fishing stories day after day after day. It will not be fun at all.

Al is slated for two starts this week. Pray that he does well. Pray that he stays in the rotation. Just pray. You've got to pray just to make it today. MC Hammer said that.

Remember, you can't spell Al Leiter without ERA!

Back Page Barometer (5/21-5/27)

2005-05-30T18:29:00.000-07:00

In which we gauge the popularity of New York’s major league franchises by using the ultimate indicator: appearances on the back page of The Post and The Daily News.

Visit here to see the headlines each day:
www.nydailynews.com/front/covers
www.nypost.com/frontback.html

The Mets got more back page covers than the Yankees! Sure, that statement should come equipped with a big, fat asterisk, and I will explain it in detail in a moment. But first, enjoy the numbers for the week. I mean, really enjoy them. Let them loll around in your mouth like a big old butterscotch hard candy:

("negative" and "positive" refers whether the coverage was critical or celebratory)

Total Baseball Covers: 14 (8 positive, 6 negative)
News: 7 (4 positive, 3 negative)
Post: 7 (4 positive, 3 negative)

Yankee Covers: 6 (all positive)
News: 3
Post: 3

Met Covers: 8 (2 positive, 6 negative)
News: 4 (1 positive, 3 negative)
Post:4 (1 positive, 3 negative)

A quick aside before getting into the the Mets back-page victory...

It's not uncommon at all for both papers to feature a back cover devoted to the same baseball story. In fact, this happens more often that not. Still, this week was the first in which each paper featured the same exact story every day. Talk about a hive mindset...

But, the Mets! They netted 8 covers this week, nearly a third of their 2005 total of 25 covers. This was a badly needed moral victory in a season in which the attention has gone to the Yankees at every opportunity. But why did the Mets net 8 covers?

Because they were playing the Yankees! In Subway Series #1, the Yanks took two out of three. But all 8 back covers devoted to the Subway Series featured the Mets (6 this week, 2 last week)! Granted, four of these covers were negative, but as the saying goes "There's no such thing as bad publicity". It was bad publicity though. Errors factored into both Met losses. And check the covers:

5/20: Matsui boots a double-play grounder. Post and News headline: "E-Train" (w/pics of Matsui booting ball)
5/22: David Wright and Jose Reyes make back-to-back 8th inning errors.
News: "Reign of Error"
Post: "EE-Mazin"

So, the Mets enter the city's baseball consciousness, albeit as error-prone losers. A step in the right direction nonetheless.

Headline of the Week: will return next week. I've got to get my act together, plain and simple. I mean "we". "We've" got to get our act together. All of us here at Greased Poker Chips.

Season Stats (there have been 2.8 Yankee covers for every Met Cover):

Baseball Covers: 97 (49 positive, 48 negative)
News: 49 (25 positive, 24 negative)
Post: 48 (24 positive, 24 negative)

Yankee Covers: 71 (35 positive, 36 negative)
News: 34 (17 positive, 17 negative)
Post: 37 (18 positive, 19 negative)

Met Covers: 25 (14 positive, 11 negative)
News: 15 (8 positive, 7 negative)
Post: 10 (6 positive, 4 negative)

The Franco-Files #7 (5/18-5/24)

2005-05-25T10:14:00.000-07:00

in which we track the exploits of Julio and John Franco, baseball’s two oldest players. They are both named J. Franco. Don't forget that.

Time to check in again with our good friends Julio and John. They are a combined 90 years old, much like the Constitution (signed 1957) and the Bill of Rights (signed 1963).

We always check in with Julio first. Tradition demands it.

Julio

Whoa! Julio got a ton of playing time this week, by far the most he has gotten in any 7-day span during the 2005 campaign. He appeared in all 6 games that the Braves played, and started in 5 of them! This herculean stretch of sustained playing time suggests that perhaps Julio is Hercules reincarnated. It is actually not uncommon for mythical Greek figures to be reincarnated as modern-day big leaguers, with the last known case being when Hephaestus returned to this mortal sphere in the form of Mark Whiten.

Unfortunately, God-like status does not translate to God-like stats, for Julio's average took a severe beating in the midst of all this playing time. All told, he went 2-19 (and walked once), lowering his average to a dismal .218.

Perhaps Julio's 46 year-old body cannot withstand so much on-field action. Hey, Braves Manager Bobby Cox! Give Julio a rest. Just because he cleaned the Augean Stables in a former life doesn't mean he's gonna excel on the baseball diamond every single day.

John

Whaddya know? John got a lot of playing time this week as well, appearing in four contests. He needed it, seeing as he was coming off of a week in which he only pitched a third of an inning. All told, he was pretty successful. True, his ERA took a beating (it's now up to 3.86 after he allowed two runs against the Rangers on May 20th), and he only retired 5 of the 10 batters he faced (opposing batters went 2-7 and walked three times). But you've got to look beyond those numbers. John gets the outs when it matters, and evidence of this is that he did not allow any of the five runners he inherited to score. When you're dealing with someone whose role is as specialized as John's, this is a key stat. What's with all this sober-minded analysis all of a sudden, anyways? What happened to the laughs?

Oldest Batter Faced (week): Luis Gonzalez, Diamondbacks, 37 (81 cumulative years in that match-up).
Oldest Batter Faced (year): Larry Walker, Cardinals, 38 (5 months older than Vizquel)
Youngest Batter Faced (week): Brad Halsey, Diamondbacks, 24 (born while John was mourning the defeat of Jimmy Carter).
Youngest Batter Faced (year): Jose Reyes, 21.
Total Batters Faced (week): 10, who were a combined158 years younger than John (avg. 15.8 years younger).
Total Batters Faced (year): 27, who have been a combined 375 years younger than John (avg. 13.9 years younger).

Al Leiter ERA Qualification Update #7 (5/16-5/22)

2005-05-23T12:03:00.000-07:00

in which we track the 39 year-old Marlins lefty in his quest for 162 Innings Pitched

Al's ERA: 6.20
Innings Pitched: 40.2
Marlins Games: 40
Qualifies?: Yes! (+ .2 innings)

(To qualify for the ERA title, a pitcher must average at least 1 inning pitched for each game played. In the NL, 60 pitchers currently qualify for the ERA title.)

N.L.'s Best ERA: Roger Clemens, Astros, 1.29
N.L.'s Worst ERA: Paul Wilson, Reds, 7.77
Al Leiter: 6.20, 55th place

So what's the deal with Al Leiter and his ERA? I'll tell you!

This past week, Al pulled off a difficult feat. He was the winning pitcher in a game in which his already astronomical ERA was raised even higher (from 6.06 to 6.20). This game was on May 14th against the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Al lasted 5 innings, and allowed four runs. That was good enough for the Marlins, who held on for a 7-6 win. Al's win-loss record is now 2-4 on the year.

We're happy to see Al get the win. But, once again, Al: You must log more than 5 innings a start! For the third week in a row, Al has the fewest innings pitched of any pitcher who qualifies for the NL ERA title. Al is tempting fate, constantly teetering on the brink, ready to fall into the stinking cesspool of non-ERA-title qualifying pitchers at any minute.

Get away from the brink, Al. That cesspool smells!

Pray for Al Leiter on May 25th when he goes against the Philadelphia Phillies. He desperately needs to pitch more innings!

Remember, you can't spell Al Leiter without ERA!

Back-Page Barometer (5/14-5/20)

2005-05-20T15:20:00.000-07:00

The Franco-Files #6 (5/11-5/17)

2005-05-18T14:22:00.000-07:00

- in which we track the exploits of Julio and John Franco, baseball’s two oldest players.They are both named J. Franco. Don't forget that.

Time to check in again with our good friends Julio and John. They are to baseball what Giant Sea Tortoises are to box turtles. Sort of.

Protocol dictates that we check in with Julio first:

Julio

Our J. Franco of the Dominican persuasion saw action in 4 games this week, starting in three of them. Overall, he went 3-14 (.214). This sub-par showing lowered his average for the season to .254. But you cannot judge a player's performance by batting average alone, for Julio's week had two distinct highlights.

The first was on May 11th, with Julio's Braves playing the Rockies in Colorado. With a runner on second and two outs in the top of the 9th of a 4-4 game, the dangerous Chipper Jones comes to the plate. The Rockies want nothing to do with him, so they intentionally walk him. After all, they figure, Julio Franco is up next. He's 46 years old, he can't possibly hurt us. Well, Colorado Rockies, it's that kind of thinking that has gotten you into the cellar of the National League West. For Julio came through with a RBI single to give the Braves a 5-4 lead! True, the Rockies won the game 6-5 after Dan Kold blew the save in the bottom of the 9th, but that wasn't Julio's fault.

The second highlight of Julio's week came on May 14th against the Dodgers. Batting in the top of the 9th, Julio singled off of Eric Gagne. But Julio, ever ambitious, decided that he would rather be on second base. So, he stole second! This was Julio's first stolen base of the year, and the first stolen base by a 46 year-old in, oh, I don't know, like, ever.

In short, Julio continues to amaze. He is an amazing man.

Oldest Pitcher Faced (week): Rudy Seanez, Padres, 36 (82 cumulative years in this match-up).
Oldest Pitcher Faced (year): Roger Clemens, 42.
Youngest Pitcher Faced (week): Chin-Hui Tsao, Rockies, 23 (for the second week in a row).
Youngest Pitcher Faced (year): Gavin Floyd, Phillies, 22.
Total Pitchers Faced (week): 9, who were a combined 155 years younger than Julio (avg. 17.2 years)
Total Pitchers Faced (year): 35, who have been a combined 537 years younger than Julio (avg. 15.3 years)

John

Loyal readers of this column know that John's been a on a tear lately. Week after week, his ERA goes down, the averages of his opponents decrease, and his inherited runners stay unscored.

None of that changed this week. John's ERA decreased to 1.69, his opponent's average to .250, and none of the runners he inherited scored. Par for the course. But here's the problem: John only appeared in one game! Now, we know the workload for 44 year-old situational lefties is limited, but c'mon! One measly game? Only 1/3rd of an inning pitched? Only two batters faced? This is ridiculous!

Considering that we live in a peaceful, stable world in which resources are distributed evenly and everyone lives in harmony, we must find other causes to fight for. Well, how about this one? Call and write your elected representatives, and ask that they see to it that John Franco gets in more games. He is a natural treasure and we need to see more of him, before he goes the way of the Giant Sea Tortoise.

Despite the lack of action, here's a recap of John's week:

Oldest Batter Faced (week): Omar Vizquel, Giants, 38 (82 cumulative years in that match-up).
Oldest Batter Faced (year): Larry Walker, Cardinals, 38 (5 months older than Vizquel)
Youngest Batter Faced (week): Kirk Rueter, 34 (when Kirk Ruter is the youngest batter you know John's had a week of extremely limited action).
Youngest Batter Faced (year): Jose Reyes, 21.
Total Batters Faced (week): 2, who were a combined16 years younger than John (avg. 8 years younger).
Total Batters Faced (year): 20, who have been a combined 264 years younger than John (avg. 13.2 years younger).

Al Leiter ERA Qualification Update #6 (5/9-5/15)

2005-05-16T15:21:00.000-07:00

-in which we track the 39 year-old Marlins lefty in his quest for 162 Innings Pitched

Al's ERA: 6.06
Innings Pitched: 35.2
Marlins Games: 34
Qualifies?: Yes! (+1.2 innings)

(To qualify for the ERA title, a pitcher must average at least 1 inning pitched for each game played. In the NL, 63 pitchers currently qualify for the ERA title.)

N.L.'s Best ERA: Dontrelle Willis, Marlins, 1.08
N.L.'s Worst ERA: Oliver Perez, Pirates, 8.03
Al Leiter: 6.06, 57th place

So what's the deal with Al Leiter and his ERA? I'll tell you!

- Al lowered his ERA from last week's ghastly 6.67. He took a tough luck loss to Jake Peavy and the Padres, pitching 6 innings and allowing only two earned runs. This worsened his won-loss record to 1-4, but lowered his ERA by .61 points. If Al lowers his ERA by .61 with every start from here on in, he'll finish with a sub-zero ERA. This means he would become a super-pitcher, blessed with the power to take away another team's runs!

Stat-obsessed geeks will say this impossible. Don't listen to them Al! Believe in yourself! Believe in your power to have a sub-zero ERA!

But Al, be warned. A sub-zero ERA won't mean nearly as much if you don't even qualify for the ERA title! Al's 35.2 innings pitched are tied with the Rockies' Sean Chacon for the lowest of all National League qualifiers. Al must log more innings! Enough with these 5 and 6 inning starts, Al. Let's see some complete games!

I could go on and on about Al, but that will be all for this week. Tune in next week for another edition of the AL LEITER ERA QUALIFICATION UPDATE!

Back-Page Barometer (5/7-5/13)

2005-05-15T10:38:00.000-07:00

In which we gauge the popularity of New York’s major league franchises by using the ultimate indicator: appearances on the back page of The Post and The Daily News.

In our last "Back Page Barometer" update (4/30-5/6), the story was that the Yankee's back-page dominance had kicked into full gear. Sure, they were dominating the back page with tales of their negative play, but negative attention is better than no attention at all (just ask the Mets). This past week, the Yanks really started to turn things around. After losing on May 7th, they embarked on a still-active winning streak, determined to make it back to the .500 mark. Check the numbers: The Yankee's monopoly on the tabloids' back pages only increased.

Total Baseball Covers: 12 (7 positive, 5 negative)
News: 6 (4 positive, 2 negative)
Post (3 positive, 3 negative)

Yankee Covers: 12 (7 positive, 5 negative)
News: 6 (4 positive, 2 negative)
Post: 6 (3 positive, 3 negative)

Met Covers: 0

Yep, the Yankees were the subjects of all of the tabloid's back-page headlines. All of them. Every single one. As the Yankee's play improved, the tab's coverage became more celebratory. For example, after Kevin Brown pitched the Yanks to a 6-0 victory over the A's on on May 8th, the Post's headline was "Kevin Sent". This, from the same paper that just last month called him "Bad, Bad Brown" (and the News had called him "Kevin Clown"). The tabloids are nothing if not fickle. And they still found time for some of their customary shit-stirring. Jason Giambi's refusal to go the minors netted three covers during the week. On May 11th, both papers featured back covers with pitures of Giambi. "I'm Not Goin'" screamed the Post. "Put Up or Go Down" wailed the News. Yes, the tabloids are always screaming, blaring, wailing, or yelling. They are as subtle as a heart attack during an earthquake.

Headline of the Week: News, May 9th.

The Yankees current winning streak started with 2 wins over the Oakland A's on May 7th and 8th (they lost the first game of the series). After the second win, the News responded with "Yanks Win Series!", a Bronx cheer of a headline if there ever was one.

Next week, we'll see if the Mets can get at least one measly back cover. Currently the ratio of Yankee covers to Mets covers is 3.9:1 for the season.

Let's close this out with the season tally (headlines 4/4-5/14)

Baseball Covers: 69 (30 positive, 39 negative)
News: 35 (16 positive, 19 negative)
Post: 34 (14 positive, 20 negative)

Yankee Covers: 54 (21 positive, 33 negative)
News: 26 (11 positive, 15 negative)
Post: 28 (10 positive, 18 negative)

Met Covers: 14 (9 positive, 5 negative)
News: 9 (5 positive, 4 negative)
Post: 5 (4 positive, 1 negative)

The Franco-Files #5

2005-05-10T20:52:00.000-07:00

- in which we track the exploits of Julio and John Franco, baseball’s two oldest players.
They are both named J. Franco. Don't forget that.

Time to check in again with our good friends Julio and John. They are to baseball what the Rolling Stones are to rock and roll, sort of.

Julio

When we last wrote about Julio, he had just suffered through a miserable week in which he hit a Tom Lawless-esque .077. This past week, things defininitely improved. He appeared in three games, starting in one, and batted .500 for the week (3-6). All three of those hits came on May 7th against John Franco's Astros. And one of those hits was...drumroll, please...louder....louder....louder....LOUDER....A HOME RUN!!! It was Julio's first round-tripper of the year. Who knows, maybe it was the first home run hit by a 46 year-old in MLB history. I can't think of another time that it's happened. Can you? Andy Pettite was probably embarassed that he gave up a home run to a 46 year old man. Don't fret, Andy. That was no ordinary 46 year old man you were dealing with. That was Julio motherfucking Franco.

Oldest Pitcher Faced (week): The aforementioned, perpetually baby-faced Andy Pettite, 32 (76 cumulative years in that match-up).
Oldest Pitcher Faced (year): Roger Clemens, 42 (now the winningest pitcher alive, much like Julio is the oldest man alive).
Youngest Pitcher Faced (week): Chin-Hui Tsao, Rockies, 23 (multiply his age by 2 and you've got Julio).
Youngest Pitcher Faced (year): Gavin Floyd, Phillies, 22.
Total Pitchers Faced (week): 4, who were a combined 68 years younger than Julio (avg. 17 years).
Total Pitchers Faced (year): 27, who have been a combined 404 years younger than Julio (avg. 15 years)

John

John's been on a roll. When we last checked up on him, he had retired 6 batters in a row (and counting). Did he keep it up?

The answer is...YES! On May 6th, John pitched 2/3rds of an inning for the third consecutive time (a mighty feat that he had not managed in any of his seven previous outings). Then, on May 10th (his next appearance), the streak was broken when he walked Juan Encarnacion (before retiring Juan Pierre on a fielder's choice). It is worth mentioning that Encarnacion is a righty, and John specializes in retiring lefties. He probably "accidentally on purpose" walked Encarnacion so he could then face Pierre, a lefty. John knows what he's doing. He's 44 years old. Anyways, John is really on fire now. He hasn't allowed a hit (or an inherited runner to score, for that matter) since April 19th against the Braves. His ERA stands at 1.93. After a shaky start, he's really settled into a nice groove. Let's hope he stays in that groove all the way until he beats Jesse Orosco's all-time appearances mark!

Oldest Batter Faced (week): The ah-4-mentioned Juan Encarnacion, Marlins, 29 (okay, John didn't really face many batters this week).
Oldest Batter Faced (year): Larry Walker, 38.
Youngest Batter Faced (week): Adam LaRoche, 25 (born while John was waiting in line for Empire Strikes Back tickets).
Youngest Batter Faced (year): Jose Reyes, 21.
Total Batters Faced (week): 4, who were a combined67 years younger than John (avg. 16.8 years younger).
Total Batters Faced (year): 18, who have been a combined 248 years younger than John (avg. 13.8 years younger).

Al Leiter ERA Qualification Update #5 (5/2-5/8)

2005-05-10T06:49:00.000-07:00

in which we track the 39 year-old Marlins lefty in his quest for 162 Innings Pitched.

Al's ERA: 6.67
Innings Pitched: 29.2
Marlins Games: 28
Qualifies?: Yes! (+1.2 innings over minimum needed)

(To qualify for the ERA title, a pitcher must average at least 1 inning pitched for each game played. In the NL, 57 pitchers currently qualify for the ERA title.)

N.L.'s Best ERA: Dontrelle Willis, 1.07
N.L.'s Worst ERA: Oliver Perez, 8.03
AL Leiter: 6.67, 53rd place.

When we last left Al, he was in the midst of a maddening 11 day stretch in which he did not pitch. As a result, he fell below the Innings Pitched needed to qualify for the title. That must not happen!

Well, the good news is that since then, Al started twice.The first start, on May 3rd against the Braves, went well enough. Al sweated through 5 innings, allowing only 1 earned run and picking up the win (despite walking 6 batters and only striking out 2). This solid effort lowered Al's ERA to an almost-respectable 4.91.

But then came May 8th. Oh, how Al wished he called in sick that day. He allowed 8 earned runs in a measly 4 innings pitched against the Rockies, taking the loss (he's now 1-4). Now, if this game had been in Colorado (any pitcher's worst nightmare), this loss would have been understandable. But it happened in Florida! Al, how could you? This travesty of an outing raised Al's ERA to an abominable (and almost satanic) 6.67, nearly the worst in the league.

It is worth noting that of all the pitchers in the National League who qualify for the ERA title, Al has the fewest innings pitched of all of them. This is why we here at Greased Poker Chips chose to follow Al's quest for ERA qualification so meticulously. We just knew this would happen. Hang in there, Al, hang in there. It's gonna be a long ride to 162 Innings Pitched, but rest assured, we'll be with you all the way.

Remember, you can't spell "Al Leiter" without "ERA"!

Back Page Barometer (4/30-5/6)

2005-05-09T15:09:00.000-07:00

In which we gauge the popularity of New York’s major league franchises by using the ultimate indicator: appearances on the back page of The Post and The Daily News.

When we last checked in the tabloids and their treatment of the Yanks and the Metropolitans, the Mets had slowly been starting to get some recognition for their (sometimes) exciting play. Did that trend continue? Let's check the numbers:

("negative" and "positive" refers whether the coverage was critical or celebratory)

Total Baseball Covers (4/30-5/6): 13
News: 6 (1 positive, 5 negative)
Post: 7 (2 positive, 5 negative)

Yankee Covers: 12 (2 positive, 10 negative)
News: 6 (1 positive, 5 negative)
Post: 6 (1 positive, 5 negative)

Met Covers: 1 (1 positive, 0 negative)
News: 0
Post: 1 (positive)

The big story this week was the Yankees' unprecedently bad play. They went 2-5 over the week, falling into a last-place tie with the Devil Rays. The tabloids love this, as the Yankees doing poorly is a more intriguing story than when they do well. This was most evident on May 3rd. Although the Yanks had won the night before, both tabs went with covers critical of recent line-up changes ("Panic!", screamed the News) instead of celebrating the victory. The Mets just can't compete with the intrigue of Steinbrenner's 200 Million Dollar busts; they went a modest 4-3 for the week and netted just one cover (in the Post, surprisingly), which celebrated their Sunday night win over the Nationals. ("D.C. Follies")

The Mets are going to have put together a dominating winning streak in order to grab the city's attention, otherwise they will continue to languish in obscurity. Neither Pedro or Beltran have netted a back cover during the 2005 campaign!

Headline of the Week: Post, May 6th.

The Yankees got swept by the D-Rays the night before, falling into a last place tie. This certainly ruined the fun of any Yankee fan celebrating Mexican Independence, and the Post tapped into this frustration with it's brilliant "Stinko De Mayo" headline.

For the season, the Yankees' back-page dominance is getting comical. Here's the tally.

Total Baseball Covers: 57 (23 positive, 34 negative)
News: 29 (12 positive, 17 negative)
Post: 28 (11 positive, 17 negative)

Yankees Covers: 42 (14 positive, 28 negative)
News: 20 (7 positive, 13 negative)
Post: 22 (7 positive, 15 negative)

Mets Covers: 14 (9 positive, 5 negative)
News: 9 (5 positive, 4 negative)
Post: 5 (4 positive, 1 negative)

Unanswered Questions

2005-05-05T10:29:00.000-07:00

"Ranger Rick had a ten foot dick,
and he showed it to the lady next door.
She thought it was a snake
and hit it with a rake
and now it's only 1 foot 4."

I am not clear on the origins of this little sing-songy poem, but it was well known around my elementary school (Madison Ave, circa 1986). At the time, me and my classmates thought it was funny, and we'd often say it to one another at recess. We all assumed that Ranger Rick was some kind of pervert, and that the lady next door was entirely justified in hitting his dick with a rake (reducing it's size by 104 inches in the process).

As I've moved onto adulthood, I've learned that most issues are not black and white, and that the truth of any situation is hard to discern. Some questions need to be asked of both Ranger Rick and the woman next door if we are to find out what really happened in this unfortunate dick-raking incident.

-Did Ranger Rick know the lady next door before exposing himself? If so, what was their relationship?

- Why would the lady next door think Ranger Rick's dick was a snake? Did Ranger Rick alter it's appearance?

- Did Ranger Rick suffer from some sort of condition that would cause his dick to be so freakishly large? If so, what was it? Was he proud of his condition, or was it a constant source of embarrassment?

-Was this "Ranger Rick" the same individual who had his own outdoors-related children's magazine? If so, he should have been extra-wary of exposing himself, considering the irreparable harm it had on his reputation. Perhpas that's why his eponymous magazine is no longer around.

We'll probably never know the answers to these questions, as I have no idea how to get in contact with either Ranger Rick or the lady next door. My own take on the situation is that Ranger Rick had no intent to be lecherous, his exposure to the lady next door was most likely a desperate cry for help.

But perhaps this story had a happy ending. Provided Ranger Rick's newly "1 foot 4" genitalia was still in good working order, I imagine it would be much easier to manage than when it was 10 feet long (how'd he even keep that thing in his pants, anyway?). Perhaps, once the lady next door realized she wasn't dealing with a snake, amorous relations developed between the two. 16 inches is still a lot of man.

The Franco-Files #4 (4/27-5/03)

2005-05-04T10:31:00.000-07:00

- in which we track the exploits of Julio and John Franco, baseball’s two oldest players.

Last week was a mediocre one for Julio, as his average dipped below .300 for the first time all year. This displeased Julio. John, meanwhile, was coming off his best outing of the year, a flawless outing in which he logged a season high 2/3rds (!) of an inning.

Let's now check in on the week that was for our ancient twosome.

Julio

The good news for Julio was that he got a lot of playing time last week. He started in three games, and appeared in four. Perhaps all that action got to Julio, however. His stats were quite dismal: 1-13 with two walks. Yes, just one hit. That's a Tom Lawless-esque .077 average for the week, which lowers his season average to .225 (9-40). Oh, man. What's going on here? Perhaps Julio got in a fight with some mummies, who put a curse on him. A curse that lowers one's batting average dramatically. Julio, I know mummies are closer to you in age than most of your teammates. That doesn't mean you should hang out with them.

Oldest Pitcher Faced (Week): Al Leiter, Marlins, 39 (85 cumulative years in this match-up).
Oldest Pitcher Faced (Year): Roger Clemens, Astros, 42.
Youngest Pitcher Faced (Week): Mark Mulder, Cardinals, 27 (Julio was already out of high school when this former member of "the big 3" was born).
Youngest Pitcher Faced (Year): Gavin Floyd, Phillies, 22.
Total Pitchers Faced (Week): 9, who were a combined 126 years younger than Julio (avg. 14 years younger).
Total Pitchers Faced (Year): 24, who have been a combined 354 years younger than Julio (avg. 14.8 years younger).

John

As mentioned earlier, John ended last week with a triumphant outing against the Cardinals, where he pitched 2/3rds of an inning. That must have felt really good to John, because he followed up that performance with two more such outings! He now has retired six batters in a row, a still-active streak that has shattered his previous season best of two. In the process, John's stats have settled to respectable levels after a very shaky beginning. His ERA is 2.45, opponents average against him is .313, and 50% of the runners he has inherited have scored. Now, these are not great stats, but John is headed in the right direction. He's starting to pitch like he did when he was a sprightly 39. While Julio was busy battling mummies, John has found a low-grade fountain of youth!

Oldest Batter Faced (week): Jeromy Burnitz, Cubs, 36 (80 cumulative years in this match-up. Jeromy spoken with a line-out to short).
Oldest Batter Faced (year): Larry Walker, Cardinals, 38.
Youngest Batter Faced (week): Alfredo Amezaga, 26 (born when John was 17, drinking very good beer that he purchased with a fake I.D.)
Youngest Batter Faced (year): Jose Reyes, 22.
Totals Batters Faced (week): 4, who were a combined 49 years younger than John (avg. 12.1 years younger).
Total Batters Faced (year): 16, who have been a combined 215 years younger than John (avg. 13.4 years younger).

Boiling Points

2005-05-03T21:05:00.000-07:00

I've been friends with Joe for about 12 years now. He is one of my best friends. Joe is a lot of things, but one thing he definitely is not is quick-tempered. He's the kind of guy who'll go along with nearly any situation, much more likely to defer to the opinions of others rather than assert himself.

That's fine, but it wouldn't make him a prime candidate to be featured on a hidden camera prank show. Or would it?

Save for a few minor variations, MTV2's "Boiling Points" is yet another in the endless stream of "Candid Camera" style hidden-camera shows, in which individuals are put into infuriating positions, their reactions taped and broadcast to the world. For months, the producers of the show have been posting on Craig's List, looking for people to prank.

Fuck, I like to prank people. So I answered one of the Craig's List posts. In this particular post, "Boiling Points" was looking for quick-tempered single males. The set-up was that the unsuspecting male would be sent on a blind date. He was to meet this date at her work, and then leave to go to a bar from there. But here's the twist: they never leave the woman's place of work. She just orders the man around and gives him menial work-related chores until the man reaches his "boiling point" (which is apparently defined by cursing, yelling, or threatening violence).

I answered the Craig's List post, writing that my friend Joe would be perfect for the show, as he never took any shit from anyone. To show that he was TV-genic as well, I sent along a photo of him conducting an imaginary orchestra with a fork. He looks handsome in this photo.

To my surprise, I recieved a call back from MTV two days later. They were interested. I gave them Joe's number. They said they'd have "Rachel" call him shortly to ask him out on a date. I was to tell Joe that I was the one who knew this "Rachel", and to give him the heads-up that she would be calling to ask him out.

This wasn't as hard to do as it may sound. Joe has gone on a lot of dates in the past year, and is used to romantic possibilities arising in unpredictable ways. So he wasn't at all suspicious when I said I had met a girl who was interested in meeting him, and that I had even given her his number. He was just like "cool, dude". Maybe he said a little more than that, but this all happened last month, and a day to God is a thousand years. Do the math.

"Rachel" called Joe on a Monday. The date was set for Wednesday. Joe showed up, and the prank went down. Joe quickly reached his "boiling point", walking out on "Rachel" after just a few minutes (after admonishering her that he hadn't even heard one "please" or "thank you'" from her the entire time he was there).

I hope the prank makes it to the airwaves. Even if it doesn't, the experience was interesting, another diversion in a lifetime of diversions.

I find it very hard to be brief.

Al Leiter ERA Qualification Update #4 (4/24-5/1)

2005-05-02T08:17:00.000-07:00

- in which we track the 39 year-old Marlins lefty in his quest for 162 Innings Pitched.

Al's ERA 5.66
Innings Pitched: 20.2
Marlins Games: 23
Qualifies? NO! (-2.1 innings)

(To qualify for the ERA title, a pitcher must average at least 1 inning pitched for each game played. In the NL, 61 pitchers currently qualify for the ERA title.)

Do not hit the "refresh" button on your computer screen. This is not a mistake. Al's ERA and innings pitched are exactly the same as last week, because Al did not pitch this week. Nope, not even one measly pitch. He was scheduled to start April 27th in Colorado. Well, that game was snowed out. So was the make-up double-header scheduled for the next day. Now, one would think that Marlins manager Jack McKeon would have simply given Al the start as soon as the team got out of Denver. One would be wrong. Al's turn in the rotation was cruelly skipped over. He now no longer qualifies for the ERA title as a result of this, as he is 2.1 innings below the minimum needed to qualify.

We're confident that a well-rested Al will vaunt back into qualifying status on May 3rd, when he starts against the Atlanta Braves. Al can't wait to get back on the mound, as an 11 day vacation is the last thing he wanted. He's got an ERA title to qualify for!

Stay tuned week to see how Al fared against the Braves. And, more importantly, whether he qualifies for the ERA title!

Remember, you can't spell Al Leiter without ERA!

Back Page Barometer 4/23-29

2005-04-30T09:11:00.000-07:00

- In which we gauge the popularity of New York’s major league franchises by using the ultimate indicator: appearances on the back page of The Post and The Daily News.

Last week, the Mets and Yanks were featured on 6 back pages each. Really, though, it was a better week for the Mets, as they must overcome an institutionalized Yankee bias in order to get any attention at all. Furthermore, all of the back pages devoted to them were positive, celebrating victory, while the Yanks coverage leaned towards slightly hysterical reactions to their underachieving ways.

So how did things go this week? Let's check the numbers:

Baseball Covers: 12
News: 6 (3 positive, 3 negative)
Post: 6 (2 positive, 4 negative)

Yankee Covers: 9
News: 5 (2 positive, 3 negative)
Post: 4 (1 positive, 3 negative)

Met Covers: 2
News: 1 (1 positive, 0 negative)
Post: 1 (1 positive, 0 negative)

The status quo returned this week, as the Yanks dominated tabloid coverage despite playing mediocre ball (though the Mets admittedly didn't play any better). For the first time, the News featured more Yankees covers than the Post, an occurrence we do not expect to happen again anytime soon (as the Post loves covering the Yankees almost as much as it loves fellating our president). This was due to the Post's decision to devote Monday's back cover to Lenny Dykstra, and allegations against him regarding steroid use ("Nailed!", screamed the headline, a reference to Lenny's nickname of "Nails").

The overall dynamic is this: The Yankees are the first-born prodigal sons of NYC baseball land, their every move (good and bad) chronicled in meticulous detail. The Mets' are the lovable but less cared about step-children. Every once in a while they get a condescending pat on the head, but generally they're left to wilt unattended like a neglected geranium (see the season totals at the end of this post for documentation of this).

Random Observations:

- More than 3 weeks into the season, and neither Pedro Martinez (or Met-inez, as the News dubbed him in the offseason) or Carlos Beltran has yet to be featured on a back cover. Surprising, considering they are two of NYC baseball's marquee names.

- For the second week in a row, the Nets recieved one cover from each tab. These have been the only non-baseball covers in the last two weeks. With the Nets on the brink of elimination, the Knicks already out, and no hockey, baseball back-page dominance will only increase.

Headline of the Week: News, 4/26

Aaron Heilman only allowed 1 run in 7 innings pitched against the Braves, and the Mets held on to win the game 5-4. The News responded with the slightly bizarre "Thank Aaron" headline the next day.

Season Totals

Baseball Covers: 44
News: 23 (11 positive, 12 negative)
Post: 21 (9 positive, 12 negative)

Yankee Covers: 30
News: 14 (6 positive, 8 negative)
Post: 16 (6 positive, 10 negative)

Met Covers: 13
News: 9 (5 positive, 4 negative)
Post: 4 (3 positive, 1 negative)

Are You There, God? It's me, Ben.

2005-04-30T08:36:00.000-07:00

Since last October, I have made my living as a temp. It's an ever tenuous situation, as many jobs are described as "open-ended", and subject to termination at a moment's notice. That's what happened to me on Thursday. Since the end of March, I had been working at a real estate company called Wellsford Real Properties, doing accounts payable. Not my life's calling, but I didn't mind it, especially considering I only had about 15 hours of work to do in any typical 40 hour week. I figured the job may last for a while, since the woman who I had inherited the job from had done it for the last five years, after originally starting off as a temp like myself.

But it was not to be. On Thursday afternoon, I was abruptly called into my boss' office. He looked kind of edgy when I walked in; he curtly said "How are you doing?" before launching into the reason I was there: he had decided to eliminate my position because there wasn't enough work. I didn't appreciate the short notice, but I'm a temp. Those are the breaks. I went back to my desk with a tear in my eye, stuffing checks into envelopes for what would be the last time. Within 20 minutes, my cell phone rings. It is a 212 number I do not recognize. I tentatively answer it (cell phones are not technically allowed in the work place, but hey, fuck you, I just got laid off). It's Kelly from Merlin staffing (a temp agency I interviewed with about 6 weeks ago, who had not called me since). "Are you available?", she asks. "Lady, I'm always available", I answer.

So, she gives me a new job. Starting Monday, I'll be doing who knows what at some awkwardly named midtown law firm. 40 hours a week at a mighty $15 an hour (not a great amount, but sadly a bit more than I made when I did truly difficult work as an assistant teacher last year).

If I was a smug, small-minded, insufferable prick, I'd close this anecdote with the observation that "God was looking out for me. When one door closed he opened another". Fuck that. I got lucky. God, if you want to open a door for me, then open the one that gives me unlimited access to nubile young co-eds. Thanks, I'll talk to you later.

The Franco-Files #3 (4/20-4/26)

2005-04-27T21:13:00.000-07:00

- in which we track the exploits of Julio and John Franco, baseball’s two oldest players.

When we last left our unfathomably old duo, both had just had underwhelming weeks. Julio only managed one hit in his last 7 at-bats, while John allowed his first run of the year (albeit an unearned one), which made him the pitcher of record in a 4-3 loss to the Mets. Let’s check in with both players, shall we?

Julio

Julio appeared in 4 games this week, starting one of them. He received one pinch at-bat in each of the three games he did not start, and went hitless in all three of them. This drops his average as a pinch-hitter to a still very respectable .375 (3-8). While Julio was no doubt disappointed by his failure in the pinch this week, he was most certainly pleased by his performance on April 23rd against the Phils. In this game (which the Braves won 11-1) he went 2-4 with a walk and three runs scored while making several outstanding defensive plays. No doubt Julio is seeking revenge on the Phils for trading him (and four other players) for Von Hayes in 1982. Where’s Von Hayes now, Philadelphia? Where’s Von Hayes now?

Oldest Pitcher Faced (week): Tim Worrell, 37 (83 cumulative years in this match-up)
Oldest Pitcher Faced (year): Roger Clemens, 42.
Youngest Pitcher Faced (week): Gavin Floyd, 22 (Julio had just been traded to the Cleveland Indians when this Phillies rookie was born in 1983. Julio doubled off of him to mark the occasion).
Youngest Pitcher Faced (year): The aforementioned Mr. Floyd, who has since been sent down to the minors after Julio proved to be too much to handle.
Total Pitchers Faced (week): 7, who were a combined 113 years younger than Julio (avg. 16.1 years younger).
Total Pitchers Faced (year): 19, who have been a combined 276 years younger than Julio (avg. 14.5 years younger).

John

John did not see much action this week, appearing in just two contests. On April 21st, John came in to start the top of the 9th inning, with his Astros leading 8-4. John faced Geoff Jenkins, hit him with a pitch, and was subsequently yanked. Jenkins later scored, thus ending up as John’s first earned run of the year. Things went much better three days later against the Cardinals. For the first time all season, John pitched more than a third of an inning. Yes, he pitched a mighty two thirds of an inning, retiring both David Eckstein and Larry Walker. This was John’s strongest outing of the year, and gives us reason to hope that there’s still some life left in that left arm of his after all.

Oldest Batter Faced (week): Larry Walker, 38 (82 cumulative years in that match-up).
Oldest Batter Faced (year): The aforementioned Mr. Walker, who did not walk off of John. He popped out. He should change his name to Larry Popout-er.
Youngest Batter Faced (week): David Eckstein, 30 (born while John was in the midst of puberty, undoubtedly already a larger man than the diminutive Mr. Eckstein.
Youngest Batter Faced (year): Jose Reyes, 21.
Total Batters Faced (week): 3, who were a combined 34 years younger than John (avg. 11.3 years younger).

Total Batters Faced (year): 12, who have been a combined 166 years younger than John (avg. 13.8 years younger).

Jury Duty part II: The Trial

2005-04-26T20:36:00.000-07:00

- a blow-by-blow account of performing a valuable civic duty.

(Last Tuesday I wrote about the jury selection process. Today, I write about the Trial.)

10:00 As instructed, I show up at 60 Centre Street, the location of NYC’s cavernous Supreme Court building. I make my way to the jury reporting room on the 4th floor, a huge waiting area with very high ceilings. On the walls are giant murals depicting Colonial-era heroes, lest we forget who set up this whole “trial by jury” legal system. I’m told to take a seat and wait for my case to be called. I follow these instructions perfectly.

11:20 Jurors for the LaBoy case are instructed to report to the front desk. That’s me! I’m a juror on the LaBoy case! Larry the Court Officer (a likeable, slightly oafy white guy in his 30s) is waiting for us. He introduces himself and leads us out of the waiting area and through a labyrinth of staircases and hallways until we arrive at jury room 331m, which will be our private room for the duration of the case. The 8 of us (this is a civil trial, there are 6 jurors as well as 2 alternates) sit around a big wooden table, and Larry gives us a brief run-down of our situation (that the case should start soon, and that there is a good chance the parties involved may settle). Sitting around this table, I get a good look at my fellow jurors: 5 white women, 2 white men (including myself), and one black woman. We perfectly reflect the diversity of New York City. Larry makes his exit, and we are left to wait in room 331m until the case begins.

11:40 Larry re-enters our juror’s lair and tells us the case is about to begin, and that we are now to follow him into the courtroom. He leads us down a flight of stairs to a big wooden door, knocks twice (perhaps the secret knock of a court officer), then opens it and yells “Please rise for the jury”. We then enter the room, and indeed, everyone has risen for us: the judge, both lawyers, the plaintiff and his mother, the court reporter, and one other gentleman whose job title I am still not sure of. This gentleman (a white-haired, white-bearded man in his 50s) walks over to us and has us take some sort of oath in which we the jury pledge to be fair and attentive. I’m perhaps too attentive, as I can’t help but notice the massive bulge in this man’s pants. When everyone was told to rise for the jury, it seems that he took this command quite literally.
Regardless, the trial is now underway. So far, we in the jury have only been given a brief synopsis of the case: that in October of 2000, a 10 year old boy tripped and fell on the staircase of the city-owned building where he and his mother lived. The boy suffered a severe ankle injury that required surgery. His mother then sued the city, maintaining that the stair he tripped on was broken, and that the injury would not have happened were it not for the city’s negligence. Now it’s time for us in the jury to hear the facts of the case, and then judge whether the city really was at fault.
The judge, a stern black woman in her 50s, reads us a redundant list of rules and regulations concerning how she expects the trial to be conducted. While she is talking, I notice how loud the room is, full of creaking and squeaking noises of indeterminate origin, as if haunted by the ghosts of trials past.
Whether haunted or not, the trial then begins in earnest. The lawyer for the plaintiff, Mr. Brian King, stands and makes his opening argument, the gist of which is that he is confident that we in the jury will come to the conclusion that Mr. LaBoy’s ankle injury was a result of the City of New York’s negligence. I notice Mr. King’s habit of systematically making eye contact with each member of the jury, trying to connect with us on a personal level. He’s slick, this Mr. King, but I can’t help but like him.
Mr. King is followed by the city’s lawyer, Ms. Leung. She is certainly in an unsympathetic position, having to argue against a poor Hispanic family while taking the side of a massive entity rather than an actual person. Still, she plants seeds of doubt quite effectively, emphatically maintaining that Mr. Laboy’s story regarding what happened on the day in question is riddled with holes and contradictions, and that the city was in fact NOT at fault in any way.
After these opening arguments, the first witness is called to the stand, none other than Mr. LaBoy himself. Although the injury occurred when he was 10, he is now almost 15. (No one has ever accused the legal system of moving too fast.) His mother watches nervously from the spectator viewing area, every time I glance at her she seems to be compulsively scratching at her arms. Mr. LaBoy is sworn in (by the still-erect white-haired gentleman), and Mr. King begins to question him about his injury. Mr. LaBoy answers very quietly; he speaks hesitantly and with a slight lisp, and is hard to hear despite the fact that he is speaking into a microphone. Mr. King soon introduces evidence into the case: polaroids of the staircase in question, in which one can clearly see the stair on which Mr. LaBoy fell. It is chipped and jagged. Mr. King then has LaBoy walk down in front of the jury box, where he lifts his pant leg and displays the scars from his ankle surgery.
Mr. LaBoy is then cross-examined by the defense. She attempts to exploit holes in his story, especially regarding discrepancies between his current testimony and a sworn deposition he gave in July of 2002. For reasons yet unclear, a sticking point for both sides seems to be whether Mr. LaBoy fell as a result of trying to avoid a puddle of urine on the staircase. Ms. Leung brought up this issue, and Mr. King immediately objected. The objection was sustained. Ms. Leung then pauses like she is going to re-phrase her question, but instead simply repeats it. Mr. King objects again, and it is again sustained. She pauses once more, and then asks the question for the third time. Mr. King objects again, and once again the objection is sustained. Only then did Ms. Leung move on. I thought the whole exchange was hilarious, though there was probably a strategy to it that I did not pick up on.
At 1 p.m., we break for lunch, though the defense was not yet done her cross-examination. She’ll finish when we return.

1:00-2:00 Lunchtime. I stroll down to Chinatown and get an excellent vegetarian lunch (shredded vegetable meat with hot green pepper, bean curd soup, brown rice, and tea) for the extremely fair price of $4.00. Being able to eat lunch in Chinatown is a phenomenal perk of jury duty, and makes me wish that the case will last for a while.

2:00 Following the photocopied directions that Larry had given us earlier, I make it make my way back to jury room 331m. Fifteen minutes later, Larry comes in to escort us back to the courtroom. Everyone rises for us, once again. It’s really nice having people stand up every time you enter a room. It generally does not happen at my temp job. Ms. Leung quickly finishes her cross-examination. A humorous aspect regarding her style of questioning was the way she ended every statement she made by saying “Correct?” in a clipped, nasal voice. It sounded more like she was saying “ker-ank?” over and over again. Mr. King then asks LaBoy a few follow-up questions, dealing with the treatment he has received from one Dr. Strauss (another seemingly important element in the case). With that, LaBoy’s time on the witness stand is done.

2:46 The judge sends us back to room 331m for what we are told will be a brief recess. I’m not sure of the legal definition of “brief”, but am pretty certain that it implies a length of time not much more than half an hour in length. Well, 30 minutes passes by, then 60. We have not been summoned back. Finally, after an hour and a half, the white-haired gentleman with the perpetual hard-on comes into the room. He thanks us for our patience, says we have not been forgotten, and mentions that “something” is going on in the courtroom. He says that they’ll let us know what’s going on as soon as they can. He then leaves, taking the bulge in his pants with him.

4:47 Mr. White-Hair re-enters our room, this time followed by a special guest: the judge! She tells us that the case has just been settled monetarily, and that our service is done. We are free to go.

While I was happy to not have to miss any more work as a result of jury duty, I was also disappointed that we would be unable to see the case to its completion. It was frustrating to wrap myself up in the trial, thinking I had a major role, only to be made irrelevant. On the way to the elevators, I talked to other members of the jury about the case for the first time. They seemed to be leaning towards the plaintiff. I was as well, though far from convinced. I assume that the case was settled because the city knew that the LaBoy’s had a convincing argument, and was nervous about the prospect of a jury-determined cash award. But who really does know?
So long as I can fit it into my schedule, I’d be happy to serve as a juror again (especially in NYC, where the courts are so close to Chinatown). It’s a nice break from work, provides one with plenty of free time, and is an interesting glimpse into a world most of us have no familiarity with (outside of movies and television). In two years, when I am again called to perform this civic duty, my verdict will most certainly be: AWESOME!

Al Leiter ERA Qualification Update #3

2005-04-25T20:30:00.000-07:00

Al’s ERA: 5.66
Innings Pitched: 20.2
Marlins Games: 19
Qualifies: Yes! (+1 2/3rds innings)

(To qualify for the ERA title, a pitcher must average at least 1 inning pitched for each game played. In the NL, 58 pitchers currently qualify for the ERA title.)

Best: Roger Clemens, Astros, 0.32
Al: 5.66, 52nd place
Worst: Joe Kennedy, Rockies, 8.18

Oh man, this was a tough week for Al. He started one time, against the Mets on April 21st. He was rocked for 8 runs in just 3 innings, taking the loss (he’s now 0-2) and raising his once-respectable 2.55 ERA to a bloated 5.66 in the process. What’s worse, his meager 3 innings of work was just barely enough to keep him above the minimum needed to qualify for the ERA title. But this is why we follow Al so meticulously; no one said his journey to 162 innings pitched would be easy!

Better luck next week, Al. We’ll all be rooting for you on April 27th, when you go against Joe Kennedy of the Rockies, he of the worst ERA in the National League.

Remember, you can’t spell Al Leiter without ERA!

Back Page Barometer #2

2005-04-22T15:24:00.000-07:00

- In which we gauge the popularity of New York’s major league franchises by using the ultimate indicator: appearances on the back page of The Post and The Daily News.

When we last tallied the Mets and Yankees respective back-page appearances, a clear trend had emerged: The Yankees simply get attention (whether they deserve it or not). The Post in particular was appallingly Yankee-centric, with an 8:1 Yankees-Mets ratio.

So how did things go this week? Let’s check the numbers:

4/16-22
Total Baseball Covers: 12 (8 positive, 4 negative)
News: 6 (5 positive, 1 negative)
Post: 6 (3 positive, 3 negative)

Yankee Covers: 6 (2 positive, 4 negative)
News: 2 (1 positive, 1 negative)
Post: 4 (1 positive, 3 negative)

Met Covers: 6 (6 positive, 0 negative)
News: 4 (4 positive, 2 negative)
Post: 2 (2 positive, 0 negative)

What deserves notice this week is that both tabs belatedly picked up on the fact that the Mets have been playing some fun, solid baseball as of late. While still lagging far behind the Yanks in overall coverage (21-11), the Mets were featured in a respectable 6 back pages this week. What’s more, all 6 of them were positive, celebrating Amazin’ victories.

Still, the Post’s Yankee bias manages to shine through. This bias was most apparent on April 16th, when the Post devoted their back page to the potential consequences of Gary Sheffield’s brawl with Fenway fans (Don’t Expect Ban"), despite the fact that the night before Met starter Aaron Heilman pitched a masterful one-hit shutout against the Marlins (hence the News’ "One-Hit Wonder" headline the next day). Don’t expect this trend to reverse itself anytime soon, as the Post seems to regard the Mets with the sort of contempt it usually reserves for Hilary Clinton.

Headline of the Week: Post, 4/22/05
The Mets scorched their ex-teammate Al Leiter last Thursday, scoring 8 runs off of him in 3 innings en-route to a 10-1 victory, and the Post responded with the eminently clever "Leit’s Out", accompanied by a pic of Doug Mientkiewicz connecting for a grand slam.

Season Totals

Baseball Covers: 32 (15 positive, 17 negative)
News: 17 (8 positive, 9 negative)
Post: 15 (7 positive, 8 negative)

Yankee Covers: 21 (9 positive, 12 negative)
News: 9 (4 positive, 5 negative)
Post: 12 (5 positive, 7 negative)

Met Covers: 11 (6 positive, 5 negative)
News: 9 (4 positive, 4 negative)
Post: 3 (2 positive, 1 negative)

The Greatest Sentence of All Time

2005-04-22T00:37:00.000-07:00

Both Canseco brothers were dressed in vampire costumes for the Halloween party at a nightclub called Opium Garden.

2005-04-21T20:27:00.000-07:00

Perhaps nothing is more important to a baseball player's success than the song playing over the PA when he walks to the batter's box. A recent development in stadium protocol is that home players get to choose their song themselves. This decision should not be taken lightly, as a well-picked song gives the batter a distinct psychological edge, signaling to the pitcher that he means business; that he will in fact soon rock the pitcher as surely as his musical selection is rocking the ballpark.

I've been to two Mets games so far this season, and I am beginning to get acquainted with each player's chosen songs. The best and worst so far:

Best

Mike Piazza: "War Pigs", by Black Sabbath.
Nothing signals offensive firepower better than the ominous, down-tuned riffage of one of the most fantastically heavy songs of all time. Great choice, Mike. Now grow back your facial hair and you'll be good to go.

Worst

David Wright" "Numb-Encore", By Jay-Z and Linkin Park.

Wright's a young guy. Perhaps his reletive inexperience in the bigs led to this atrocious selection. Jay-Z on his own is acceptable, but not this whiny, regrettable mash-up with Pu-Metal heroes Linkin Park. This song is a musical steroid, shrinking Mr. Wright's ball sac as he approaches the batter's box. David Wright? More like David Wrong...musical selection, that is!

I'll update these honors upon attending future games...

The Franco Files #2 (4/13-4/19)

2005-04-20T23:26:00.000-07:00

- in which we track the exploits of Julio and John Franco, baseball’s two oldest players.

When we last left our geriatric heroes, Julio was coming off a stellar opening week (hitting a robust .385), while John had struggled somewhat (despite his misleading 0.00 ERA). Let’s see how they did in week #2…

Julio

Appeared in 3 games, starting one of them. In these three games, he only managed one hit (a pinch-single off of Billy Wagner of the Phils) in 7 at bats. That means he hit just .143 for the week. The biggest source of Julio’s woes was none other than 42 year-old Roger Clemens (the second oldest pitcher in baseball), who retired him three straight times in what was an eventual 12 inning, 1-0 Astros victory. Julio’s average now stands at a respectable .300. He has fared much better as a pinch hitter (3-5, .600 avg.) than as a starter (3-15, .200 avg.). Despite his poor week, Julio remains massively popular among his teammates. If the Braves were responsible for picking the Pope instead of the Cardinals, then Julio would have been a shoo-in. No one quite understands why the Cardinals chose former catcher Bruce Benedict to follow in John Paul II’s footsteps.

Oldest Pitcher Faced (week): Roger Clemens, 42. (88 cumulative years. The only possible match-up that would be older than Julio vs. Clemens would be an epic Julio vs. John Franco battle. But if that happened the world would end).
Oldest Pitcher Faced (year): The aforementioned Clemens, of course.
Youngest Pitcher Faced (week): Dan Wheeler, 27 (Julio was a 19 year-old disco maniac when Wheeler was born).
Youngest Pitcher Faced (year): Chad Cordero, 23.
Total Pitchers Faced (week): 4, who were a combined 54 years younger than Julio (avg 13.5 years younger).
Total Pitchers Faced (year): 13, who are a combined 179 years younger than Julio (avg. 13.8 years younger).

John

John’s week had its ups and downs. He appeared in three games, allowing no earned runs over a total of one inning of work. His ERA remains at 0.00. A very tenuous 0.00, however, as hitters batted .400 against him (2-5, along with a walk), and he allowed 2 of 3 inherited baserunners to score. What’s more, he picked up his first loss of the year on April 14th, against his old mates, the Mets. John left that game with the score tied at 3, responsible for Jose Reyes, who was on first at the time. Dan Wheeler came in, Reyes stole second, and then scored on an error on third baseman Mike “Leg of” Lamb. A tough luck loss, to be sure. John’s record falls to 0-1 on the year, and 90-87 for his career. Victory will come to you next week, John, as surely as victory came to the allied forces when you were fighting in WWII.

Oldest Batter Faced (week): Chipper Jones, 32 (76 years cumulative).
Oldest Batter Faced (year): Ken Griffey, Jr., 35 (79 years cumulative).
Youngest Batter Faced (week): Jose Reyes, 21. (John is a whopping 22 years older than this baby. Despite John’s massive edge in the experience department, Jose hit an RBI single, and later scored).
Youngest Batter Faced (year): The aforementioned Mr. Reyes.
Total Batters Faced (week): 6, who were a combined 96 years younger than John (avg. 16 years younger).
Total Batters Faced (year): 9, who are a combined 131 years younger than John (avg 14.5 years younger).

Jury Duty

2005-04-19T16:06:00.000-07:00

A blow by blow account of performing a valuable civic duty.

Monday, 4/18/05 The Selection Process

9:00 I arrive at 71 Thomas Street in lower Manhattan, the location where I've been instructed to report. I'm 15 minutes late (due to confusing Broadway with West Broadway, go figure), but this doesn't seem to matter. I'm given a "juror questionairre" to fill out, and told to sit down. The room is filled with rows and rows of chairs, about 100 in all, and most of them are already taken. A video is playing in the front of the room, in which Jane Pauley is extolling the virtues of jury duty.

9:20 The court clerk, a middle-aged black woman, turns on the lights, and gives a brief rundown on what to expect from serving on a jury (selection process is a maximum of 2 days, trials are a maximum of 10 days). She is accomodating, patient, and polite (like all the city employees I came into contact with during the day), a refutation of the stereotype of city workers as being rude, distant, and petty. I notice a sign on the wall that says "Occupancy by more than 80 Persons is dangerous and unlawful". There are definitely more than 80 people in the room, but nothing about the situation seems dangerous or unlawful. We're all in this together.

9:56 The honorable Judge Gallagan makes a guest appearance in order to boost our self esteem. He is, surprisingly, an old white guy. He reminds us that "the jury system is one of our great assets" and that "the judges are you...you are the judge of the facts of this case". He exits to wild applause. Or indifferent silence. I forget which.

10:24 After doing nothing but hand in our jury summons', we are granted a 15 minute break. But really, the whole day has been a break thus far.

11:23 Finally, a case has been called in. The jury selection process will begin. We are told that the defendant will be the city of New York, so any city employees will be disqualified from the case. They then call 28 people at random. These 28 people will make up the jury pool for the case. I'm the 7th person called of the 28. We are told to line up in order against the wall, then taken into "Jury Room C", where we sit in the order in which we were called. It's like being in 3rd Grade all over again.

11:39 The attorneys for the case in question enter the room. The attorney for the plaintiff, a white, middle-aged man named Brian King, introduces himself. He then reads us a synopsis of the case in question: a "trip and fall" case, in which a 10 year old boy tripped and fell on the interior staircase of the city-owned apartment building where he and his mother lived. As a result of this fall, he suffered leg and ankle injuries that required surgery.

The attorney for the defense, a thirty-ish Asian woman, then introduces herself. She doesn't add anything to Mr. King's synopsis of the case. The clerk then comes into the room and leads us all in the "juror's oath", in which we pledge to be attentive and honest and all the other things that a good juror should be. After all that work, we are given another break, this one until 12:15.

12:15 Boredom time. We re-assemble in "Room C". Mr. King proceeds to question all 28 of us in order, asking questions about personal relationships to doctors or lawyers that we may or may not have, among other things. He makes it through 20 prospective jurors before we break...this time for lunch!

2:00 After lunch, we make our return to good 'ol "Room C". Mr. King finishes his questioning of the prospective jurors. Now it's the defense's turn. To do the same thing! The defense lawyer is more specific in her questioning of us prospective jurors, she asks each of us if we've ever had ankle injuries, and if we think the defense is automatically entitled to something since the case has gotten this far. At least this woman had some comedic value. She had the habit of responding to EVERYTHING that anyone said to her. For example, if someone replied that they were "Fine, thanks" after she asked "How are you today?", she would then say "you're welcome". Maybe you had to be there.

2:55 We get another break while the lawyers confer.

3:29 The moment of truth...we're called back to "Room C" to hear the final jury selections. This is a civil trial, so they are only picking 6 jurors (and two alternates). To my surprise, I was among those picked. Presumably, both of the lawyers thought I looked so good that they wanted to be able to stare longingly at me in court. The losers (those not picked for the case), are sent back into the jury pool. Me and my 7 priviledged compatriots stay in "Room C" to await further instructions.

4:09 The clerk comes into the room and gives us a paper with the info we need for the next day: at 10 a.m. we're to report to 60 Centre Street, Room 452, for "The LaBoy Case". I can't wait!!!

Next Week: The Trial!

Al Leiter ERA Qualification Update #2

2005-04-18T18:22:00.000-07:00

In which we track everyone's favorite 39 year-old lefty, and his battle to qualify for and win the ERA crown.

Update #2 (4/12-4/17)

Al's ERA: 2.55
Innings Pitched: 17.2
Marlins Games: 12
Qualifies? Yes! (+5 2/3rds)

NL at a Glance
1. Dontrelle Willis o.oo

17. Jon Leiber 2.49
18. AL!
19. Brandon Webb 2.70

57. Javier Vazquez 11.77

Al qualifies, with over 5 innings to spare! While Al has his work cut out for him trying to catch wily teammate Dontrelle Willis for the ERA lead, he is certainly headed in the right direction (as opposed to hapless Mr. Vazquez, wilting in the Arizona sun).

Al's started two games last week. His first start was thoroughly mediocre, as he let up 3 runs in 5 innings in a 4-1 loss to the Phils. In those 5 innings, he threw 114 pitches! Al, you just can't be running up your pitch counts like that. High pitch counts mean a tired arm, and a tired arm means increased susceptibility to injury, and injuries mean not enough innings pitched to qualify for the title. Be careful!

Al returned to form on Saturday against his old team, the Mets. He went 7 innings and allowed just one run (while throwing 104 pitches). He left the game with a 2-1 lead, but his mates in the bullpen couldn't hold down the lead, and the Mets ended up winning 4-3. Tough luck there, Al. It was still a very encouraging outing, and lowered his ERA to it's present 2.55.

Al's next start is a rematch against the Mets on the 21st. He's looking for vengeance and victory and...well, he's a married man, so I guess he's already got the third "v".

Good luck Al, may you continue to qualify for the ERA title!

Remember, you can't spell Al Leiter without ERA!

Back Page Barometer Update 4/4-4/15

2005-04-15T19:00:00.000-07:00

In which we gauge the popularity of NYC's major league club's, based on back-page tabloid coverage.

Baseball has dominated the Post and the Daily News since the season started, not surprisingly. What has been surprising has been the extent to which Yankees coverage has completely dominated, given the similar records of the two teams. Here are the tallies thus far:

Total Back Page Baseball Covers: 20 (Yankees 15, Mets 5)
Positive Coverage: 7
Negative Coverage: 13

By Paper:

Daily News: 11 (7 Yankees, 4 Mets)
Post: 9 (8 Yankees, 1 Mets)

By Team:

Yankees: 15 (7 positive, 8 negative) = 22 points (2 for each positive cover, 1 for each negative)
Mets: 5 (o positive, 5 negative) = 5 points

A few observations:

Can't the Mets get a break? When they were in the midst of a 5 game losing streak to start the season, they recieved three straight negative Daily News covers. But they haven't lost since, and as of this writing, have not recieved even one positive back page. At least the News pays at least some attention to the Mets, as the Post has seen fit to make them back-cover subjects exactly once ("Read It and Sweep" after the Mets lost three straight to the Reds to open the season).

On April 13th, both tabs took advantage of an off-day for both teams, and devoted their back covers to wondering what's wrong with the Yankees. After all of 7 games! Settle down, guys, 3-4 is not the end of the world.

I would suggest that both papers retire the headline "Thrown for A Looper", which is dragged out every time Braden Looper blows a save. It's going to get real old real quick. The News used it on April 5th (after Braden's opening-day meltdown), and both papers used it multiple times last year.

Headline of the Week: "Big Pussy", Post, April 6th.

Okay, this headline wasn't even about baseball, and it wasn't even on the back page (it was a front-pager about a Sopranos' star getting busted for domestic violence). But we'd like to pretend it was a reference to Rey Sanchez testing positive for steroids. What makes it funnier is that this was the only day the entire week that the Post didn't devote their front page to the Pope's death. Do devout Catholics buy papers that reference female genitalia on their front-page? Just how much contempt do they have for their readership, anyway?

Record of the Week

2005-04-14T17:41:00.000-07:00

Record of the Week:

Dalek-Absence

If you say the title of this record three times fast, it sort of sounds like you're saying "absinthe". You'd have to be seriously fucked up on that liquorice flavored abomination in order to justify Absence's absence on any "best records of 2005" list.

Of course, another way you could justify such an omission is by admitting you have poor taste in music, and live a timid, sheltered existence. Either way.

That would be honest, and would give you something in common with this record. For Absence is an honest, 50 minute blast of sonic abrasiveness, over which the eponymous MC waxes pessimistic about the state of American society (in general), and the continued subordination of minority culture (in particular). His vocals are submerged beneath seemingly infinite layers of aural detritus: high-end guitar drone, murky subterranean bass, and nimble turntable scratching compete for space over the lurching, omnipresent beat.

The end result is a supremely heavy record, hip-hop taken so far beneath the surface that it becomes something else entirely. It's like Isis mixed with Techo Animal mixed with My Bloody Valentine mixed with Public Enemy mixed with some shit you've never heard in any context. In short, it's fucking awesome, and my favorite record of 2005 thus far.

The Franco-Files #1 (4/4-4/12)

2005-04-13T17:32:00.000-07:00

- in which we track the exploits of Julio and John Franco, baseball’s two oldest players.

A new season has arrived for our heroes. 2005 marks the 21st season that Julio has worn a big league uniform (1982-1994, 1996-97, 1999, 2001-2005), and John’s 22nd (1984-2005). Julio is coming off his best season since 1996 (when he was a mere 38 years old). In 2004 he hit .309 in 320 at-bats for the Atlanta Braves. John is coming off of a less than stellar 2004 campaign, in which he went 2-7 with a 5.28 era. However, he held lefties to a .173 average, and that was good enough for the Astros, who signed him to a one year deal.

So how did Messrs. Julio and John fare in the first week of the ’05 campaign? Let’s take a look:

Julio appeared in 5 games (starting two of them), and went 5-13 (.385). In a nice bit of synergy for us here at Greased Poker Chips, his first at-bat of the year was a single against Al Leiter (who at age 39, is still 7 years younger than Julio). After going hitless in his next 6 at-bats, he closed out the week on a 4-6 tear, getting his first RBI and his first extra-base hit in the process. In the games in which he did not start, Julio reportedly sat in the dugout and regaled his teammates with tales of what life was like before the advent of automobiles or electricity.

Oldest pitcher faced: Al Leiter, 39. (That’s a cumulative 85 years in that match-up).

Youngest: Chad Cordero: 23 (Julio was in spring training with the Indians on the day this Nationals reliever was born).

Total pitchers faced: 9, who were a combined 125 years younger than Julio (avg. 13.8 years younger).

John, meanwhile, appeared in three games for Houston (who, like his former team the Mets, did not even have a franchise when he was born). Although John did not allow an earned run, these appearances were not exactly rousing successes. He only logged 2/3rds of an inning pitched total, batters hit .600 off of him (3-5), and he allowed 75% of inherited runners to score (3 of 4). The batter he did manage to retire was Ken Griffey Jr, twice. So, he is doing very well against injury-prone sluggers who have made a guest appearance on The Simpsons (a key stat when it comes to evaluating relievers). During down time in the bullpen, John worked on his memoirs. He finished the chapter which dealt with his attempts to patent the cotton gin before Eli Whitney.

Oldest batter faced: Ken Griffey, Jr., 35 (That’s a cumulative 79 years in that match-up).

Youngest: Sean Casey 30 (born during the summer of 74, when John was sitting at home wondering what high school would be like).

Total batters faced: 3, who were a combined 35 years younger than John (avg. 11.7 years younger).

Check back next Wednesday for a new update…

$150 Comes Cheap Sometimes

2005-04-12T17:25:00.000-07:00

New York’s a town that’s full of money-making opportunities. One of the easiest ways to make some spare cash is to participate in a focus group. Essentially, a focus group is when a company hires an independent researcher to gauge the opinions of a select group of consumers, so the company can then adjust the marketing and/or design of the product accordingly.
These “select” consumers are generally from the company in question’s target demographic. This demographic obviously varies from company to company, but as a 26 year-old, married, white, male resident of Manhattan, I seem to be the sort of person that focus group recruiters are looking for. As a result, I have lately found it quite easy to bluff my way into focus group participation. All marketing professionals must bow to the white male, ages 25-49.
Recently, I’ve done focus groups for Target’s web page, Sam Adams beer (which sadly had nothing to do with actually drinking the beer), Naked Juice (which sadly had nothing to do with being naked), and the Wall Street Journal (which sadly had nothing to do with drinking beer naked). These groups were all approximately two hours in length, and ranged in pay from $75 (Target) to $150 (Wall Street Journal). As the Wall Street Journal was the most interesting and the most recent of the groups I have participated in, I’ll now go into some detail about the experience. It went a little something like this…

I. The Phone Interview

To get into most focus groups, you have to first pass a phone screening. Passing is easy, as all you have to do is exaggerate, distort, omit, and fabricate. Just like advertising! From past experience with these phone interviews (several of which I did not pass due to stupid, non-paying honesty), I knew what sort of things they are looking for in a potential participant. Primarily, a stable job, lucrative income, and familiarity with the product in question (keep in mind that they do not tell you what specific product the group is for. In the case of the Wall Street Journal, I was simply told “newspapers”). Accordingly, my “temp job in accounts payable” became an “accounting position at a real estate firm”, “$14 an hour” became “over $75,000 annual income”, and “I have no interest in reading newspapers beyond tabloid baseball stories” became “I subscribe to The New York Times and Business Week, in addition to making regular purchases of both the Financial Times and the Wall Street Journal”. It’s that simple.
Just when you think you’ve made it through the interview, you get hit with their final question: “What person, living or dead, would you like to have dinner with, and why?” Assuming they’d want the sort of answer a businessman would give, I said “President Bush, because I’d like to have some face time with a very powerful person”. That’s actually true, but in having dinner with Bush I would like to cover that motherfucker with mashed potatoes and gravy in much the same way that he and his administration covered up the truth regarding 9/11.*
My answers were apparently sufficient, as I passed the screening. I was told to report the following Tuesday to Advanced Focus, located on 42nd Street and Madison Ave. I was looking forward to it.

II. The Waiting Room

I arrived at Advanced Focus the following Tuesday, as specified. After checking in, the receptionist handed me a large stack of color photos and drawings, and told me to “pick out the one picture that best represents you as a person” (unfortunately, there were no photos of someone disinterestedly masturbating to The Price is Right). Looking through the pictures, I was perplexed. Which one represented me? Was it the surface of Jupiter? A traffic light? A business executive sleeping on a park bench? I finally settled on my selection, just as our group was being summoned inside. Showtime!

III. The Focus Group

This focus group, like all the focus groups I have ever done, took place in an ordinary-looking office conference room. At the head of the table sits the moderator, with the participants sitting along the sides. This room, however, is decidedly not ordinary, due to the presence of microphones planted in the ceiling, wall-mounted video cameras, and a two-way mirror behind the moderator. Behind that mirror lurk some of the most insidious individuals who live upon this Earth: advertising professionals. They’re taking notes.
I, along with my fellow focus group participants, am led into the room and told to sit down. We are given nametags. We are all white or Asian, and between 25 and 35. Our moderator, a short, middle-aged brunette woman with a lisp, introduces herself by showing a picture of a human brain, because “she likes to get inside people’s heads”. We then go around the room and introduce ourselves with our pictures. I listen to how Mike is represented by a seagull, and Jill is some sort of luxurious indoor swimming pool, and so on and so forth. I go last, and reveal my picture of a smiling middle aged couple on a porch. Their arms are around each other and they are wearing white masks over their mouths. I had some sort of justification for this.
That slightly bizarre opening exercise had me excited for the rest of the group, as a focus group at its best resembles some sort of avant-garde therapy session. I was not disappointed. After a fairly routine discussion of how each group member gets their news, our moderator then began our next exercise. Each participant was handed a deck of tarot cards, and instructed to “pick one card that represents the New York Times, and one card that represents the Wall Street Journal”. Whatever you say, lady. For the New York Times, I picked “The King” (as did most people in the group). The justification for this was that kings are powerful, arrogant, and prone to inbreeding. For the Wall Street Journal, I picked “The Tower”, in which a dark, phallic structure is being engulfed in flames as bodies burn beneath it. My reasoning here was that the Journal is aloof and dominated by a male perspective. It does not care about the plight of the common man, who was represented by the burning bodies beneath the tower. “But”, I added, “those in the tower do not realize that it is burning, and this is a metaphor for the obliviousness of those who do not realize that our entire economic system will soon collapse”. Spouting all this bullshit, I felt like I was in a freshman film studies class, pretending to find meaning in a bunch of abstract nonsense.
After another, more routine discussion (in which we were each given a copy of that day’s Journal, and asked what we found interesting and what we did not), it was time for a final exercise. We were divided into two groups of three, and were told to “Imagine that the Wall Street Journal is a party. What kind of party would it be?” Our moderator then handed each group a list of questions that elaborated further on this theoretical party. Who would be there? What kind of food would be served? What would the guests talk about? Interestingly, right after we were handed this worksheet, the moderator quickly took it back from us and crossed off the question “Who would clean up afterwards?” My guess is that the people behind the glass didn’t want to waste time with this question, since we all knew the answer: minorities! God bless those darker-skinned guys and gals, they really know how to mop!
Anyways, after presenting our opinions on what this party would be like (the consensus between both groups was that it would be a stuffy, luxurious gathering of old white guys and their liposuctioned wives), we were asked to then contrast this with what a “wallstreetjournal.com” party would be like. The consensus here was that the crowd would be younger and hipper. I imagined a bunch of pony-tailed assholes listening to the Chemical Brothers and doing coke off of their laptop screens. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.
That just about wrapped things up. We were encouraged to take home our copies of the Journal, and summarily dismissed. I waved to my reflection in the two-way mirror, picked up a crisp Franklin and a crisper Grant at the reception desk as compensation for my time, and headed off into the Manhattan night.
I like to fool myself by thinking that my participation in these groups is somehow subversive, that I am fucking with the beast that is Advertising by wasting its time and taking its money. Really, though, I am just one more guy with an opinion. My cynicism and self-awareness can be analyzed and marketed right back to me. They’ll eventually find my weaknesses and exploit them, until the day when I receive an invitation for a Wall Street Journal party in the mail, and it actually sounds like a fun time. What tarot card best represents a sell-out?

*(Ironic,isn’t it? This radical talk by someone writing about his willingness to be a lying whore for corporate dollars.
–ed**)

**(Shut up, Ed.- ben)

Al Leiter ERA Qualification Update!

2005-04-11T15:23:00.000-07:00

In which we track everyone's favorite 39 year old lefty, and his battle to qualify for and win the 2005 ERA crown...

(see April 4th post for more info)

Al's ERA: 1.59
Marlins Games: 6
Leiter IP: 5 2/3rds
Qualifies?: No (-1/3)

Al's first start of the year was a good one, as he let up only 1 run in 5 2/3rds of an inning, taking a no-decision in what was an eventual extra-inning loss to the Braves. His era stands at a stellar 1.59.

However, the early season is very trying on a pitcher's quest for ERA qualification, and Al currently is 1/3rd of an inning away from doing so. We here at Greased Poker Chips hope that is an early-season aberration, rather than an ominous harbinger of things to come.

Should Al pitch a mere 1 1/3rd inning tonight against the Phils, however, he will vaunt back into ERA qualifying status. Wish him luck as he takes on Brett Myers tonight at 7:05!

And remember, you can't spell Al Leiter without ERA!